|Reviews for Strangled|
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 3/8
The deliberately rushed, fragmented pieces matched Sherlock's tendency to leap from one train of thought to another, particularly when panicked ("no stop thinking about it delete the event never happened, idiot!"). The lack of consistency, though, particularly with parentheses ("mostly, sort of" didn't seem particularly different from the unitalicized semi-thoughts) was a bit distracting.
On a more general note, the focus on Mycroft beyond that of the show itself suited Sherlock's characterization as a somewhat petty, surveillance-averse younger sibling. Your decision not to include John's dialogue meshed with Sherlock's tendency to ignore the inessential and instantly summarize.
| Lung Tien Lien chapter 1 . 12/31/2014
First off, the intro sentence had me hooked. The intrigue about the victims and the "graffiti cipher" adds an enjoyable depth of mystery to the beginning. The "[a]nd so the plot thickens" does the same, but with a wry edge that I've come to associate with Sherlock.
That Sherlock and Watson begin their stakeout with a noodle lunch in front of a place called the "Lucky Cat Emporium" is a hilarious bit. And you use Sherlock's wry voice to great effect with the descriptions of his medical situation. He sounds so passive-aggressive, like a husband who thinks his wife nags him too much, as it were. :) It is worrisome that he doesn't treat his conditions with a great deal of care, but that's Sherlock for you. And his follow-up analogies to his brain and body being like computer or machines is wonderfully appropriate. Having just finished 'I, Robot' by Isaac Asimov, thhat kind of narration makes Sherlock sound like a higher, more competent organism than John or Lestrade.
As for the pacing, I like that it is quick and moving, but sometimes it becomes difficult to keep up with. YMMV, though, since this is Sherlock's POV.
"...annoying, but tolerable considering it makes John feel useful...): I'm sensing the "bickering like a married couple" theme again. ;)
You line up the details that lead to Sherlock's conclusions very well. The items he notices really help structure the different environments and their overall tones.
The quick pace works well for when Sherlock gets attacked. It gets my heart pumping and enhances the sense of danger. Honestly, I breathed a sigh of relief to see Sherlock alright, and, hopefully, he'll get it through his head as to why smoking is bad for you. ;)
You're right, Sherlock; Mycroft really wouldn't let you hear the end of it.
"Collapsing into a debilitating fit of hacking would be decidedly undignified...": Leave it to Sherlock to have a thought like that, but, if it keeps him standing, then who am I to judge, lol? Though, it's nice to see he still knows that John cares about him, even if he (Sherlock) is being petulant about it.
- "...but no no that was...": I'd separate the no's with commas here.
- "...systems sweep...": YMMV on this one, but wouldn't it be "systems' sweep" instead?
- "...and oh christ can't breathe!": I'd separate the "oh" from "christ with a comma and do the same between "christ" and "come". Also, "christ" should have a capital "C".
- I'd watch out for including two independent clauses without a comma or not separating dependent clauses at the beginnings of sentences with a comma.
A very entertaining and well-written one-shot. Great job!
| becgate chapter 1 . 12/4/2014
Love these one shots of inside Sherlock's mind! !
| George J. Valtom chapter 1 . 10/14/2014
Hello there! Just going to start off with a fair warning, I'm not familiar with the show, but I'll do my best on this.
Well, I'll say right off the bat that I didn't *feel* fandom-blind at all. You dropped us right into the middle of the action just in the first paragraph, giving just a little background and then saying "thus the plot thickens." Way to grab us and get us going!
"Years, honestly, decades, and he hasn't passed out more than a few times." Aside from good character building, this part just made me laugh. Pretty sure that's not healthy for you, Sherlock...
I also like how the whole thing is written in stream-of-consciousness. The absence of dialogue, which I normally don't like, works really well here, and the writing style flows along with it. The style is fluid, at times jarring in just the right places. It's really well done, the use of italics and regular type makes it work even better. Good job!
Oh man, that attack was intense! I could practically feel the pressure around my own neck, ack! I'm guessing that Sherlock is going to have some trouble with that later on?
The only remarks I could make grammar-wise can be attributed to the style of the writing, so great job with this! It was a very fine read.
| zanganito chapter 1 . 10/13/2014
Interesting idea to have this scene from Sherlock’s point of view. My favorite part about this story is the way you show what’s going on in Sherlock’s mind, and how he moves from seemingly random thought, but connects them. I really liked the part where Sherlock takes a napkin, realizes he’s a little rusty at pick-pocketing, thinks about whether he can practice on John and Lestrade (ha!) , and then from that random thought, connects it to the case by figuring the smugglers had probably stolen something from the killer.
I also thought your explanation for Sherlock not mentioning being strangled was that he was “embarrassed to have fallen for a rookie mistake” and “he didn’t want Mycroft to know” (or John to know) really fit well with the character and the scene. I also thought that your depiction of him having to deal with too many details and being distracted was plausible for why he didn’t realize the killer was still there to begin with.
Thanks for posting; this was a nice short enjoyable read.
| her illusion chapter 1 . 3/1/2014
| Toibia chapter 1 . 2/15/2014
Hi, first I want to congratulate you on this story. I enjoy reading stories, that take place in the actual episodes very much, but I rarley found some that present Sherlock's point of view so good.
I do have a question about this story. Quite at the beginning when you describe Sherlock sitting in the restaurant and writing the cipher on the napkin: you write that tries to write the chinese numbers "along with their Roman numeral equivalents".
The Roman numerals are capital letters, for example the number 2014 would look like MMXIV with "M" standing for one thousand, "X" for ten, "I" for one, "V" for five (the "I" stands before the "V, so it's 5-14). So it would be 10001000105-12014. To make it even more complicated, there isn't a zero in this system, what makes it rather difficult to calculate in the way we are used to. For that reason nowadays the arabic digits are much more commenly used (0, 1, 2, 3...). To be honest, it has been a while since I saw this episode, and I don't remember wether we actually see him writing and if what digits he is using. Is he in fact using Roman numerals?
| Doni chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
I always figured it would be embarrassment at getting caught like that that prevented him from bringing up his near-strangulation experience. Well done.
| Heather Snow chapter 1 . 10/3/2013
I think you did a nice job with the stream-of-consciousness. I think you were able to convey the degree to which Sherlock's mind is constantly racing, as well as his emotions. I also had wondered why Sherlock deliberately kept the strangling from John, but the Mycroft explanation makes perfect sense. My only complaint is that I think the swearing was somewhat out of character for Sherlock. But, overall, still a good piece.
| Lizzie1498 chapter 1 . 8/17/2013
This was very well done! I love his personality and how you got into his head. Great job!
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 7/28/2013
I think that you've written Sherlock brilliantly here.
He's quite a difficult character to get into the head of, and I think you've managed that really well here, with his constant admonishments to himself for not figuring things out faster and desperate desire to make sure that Mycroft doesn't interfere in his business.
I particularly liked this line:
[He'd have Sherlock put on triple surveillance with a bloody agent assigned and no no no no, this incident is to remain utterly secret.]
This is just so in character for BBC Sherlock that I wanted to squee whenI saw this line.
Well done! :)
| Madam'zelleGiry chapter 1 . 7/10/2013
This is quite an interesting scene to have a character study for... I'm impressed that you took this on.
"...thus the plot thickens" I wasn't sure about using such a well-used phrase as this at first, but I actually like that you chose it, the more than I think about it. It just seems so right for what you have here.
The grip that you have on Sherlock's character is absolutely fascinating. I really like what you're doing here. The way that you write his thoughts is brilliant, and we can get a real glimpse into his mind. I know from experience that this kind of piece is not at all easy to write, so I'm even more impressed.
One thing that did kind of stick out to me was that Sherlock appeared to be thinking the word "panic" over and over again during the strangulation scene. I don't know why, but it just didn't seem like you'd actually be thinking the word "panic" during something like that. You'd be more likely to just experience the feeling. Just a thought.
A really enjoyable piece. I particularly liked the end, when he's insisting that he's fine, and that he's exerting his willpower because he's so disgusted with his body's reaction to the ordeal. Really, really gorgeous piece.
| JoyRose10 chapter 1 . 5/12/2013
Only quibble, Sherlock doesn't use language like "fuck" - so he probably doesn't think it, either. But covering up the strangulation so Mycroft doesn't know is perfectly in character! Thank you!
| Inkfire chapter 1 . 5/4/2013
I just loved your characterization of Sherlock here, it was thoroughly fascinating. His complete disregard of his bodily needs, his focus on the case they were on. The way his brain worked was really interesting, the balance between the information he needed and what he pushed aside… It was so very complex and the way he thought seemed really unique. So clever and thus so very detached and clinical. His trains of thought and deductions were fascinating. The short or verbal sentences were very fitting to the speed of his brain.
The part starting when Sherlock got caught by surprise was fascinating, so stream of conscious with the perfect use of the italics to show his thoughts and how wild they were getting. I loved his thoughts about Mycroft and John. The physical struggle was really brilliantly written. The way he stubbornly ignored his body's cries of protest was terribly moving somehow. Such control, such stifling willpower.
It was really great writing. Wonderful piece, you did an impressive job )
| ShadedRogue chapter 1 . 4/29/2013
This is a very interesting piece. Sherlock, I find, and I'm sure a lot of people find, is a very hard character to write and getting inside his head can be quite a challenge. I think you manage to do it wonderfully. Your prose and your writing style really made me feel like I was reading his train of though. I particularly liked how you decided to write the narrative structure at bit stiltedly. There's a lot of short, choppy sentences, and parts where the words sort of come out in a tumble, which really reflects how you would expect someone like Sherlock to think. I like how you don't mince words either. Sherlock's mind works about a million miles per second, so it makes sense that he would have the time or inclination to be bothered to think it full complete sentences. Very well done.