|Reviews for Guilty Sparks|
| Little Liar chapter 38 . 8/10
I like Halo.
| djmegamouth chapter 30 . 6/16
Oh you have no idea.
| djmegamouth chapter 28 . 6/14
I love this chapter.
| djmegamouth chapter 8 . 6/6
That was badass. I loved it. I'm getting back into your series again a loving it as much as ever.
| djmegamouth chapter 2 . 6/4
I think jacks gonna like Johnson a lot.
| Alkeni chapter 1 . 5/23
In many ways, you gotta love Guilty Spark... and hate him, it's true, but he's appealing in a weird way.
| justreidabook chapter 5 . 5/4
YES! FINALLY SOMEONE IN THIS STORY IS STARTING TO SEE THE GRUNTS LIKE I DO!
| justreidabook chapter 3 . 4/6
Wow. This is just like last time. I talk about a bunch of mistakes in one chapter, and in the next I see they weren't mistakes.
Why do I keep forgetting this?
| justreidabook chapter 2 . 4/5
I love the ungrounded. I just can't help myself. They're so innocent compared to the rest of the covenant (maybe mgalekgolo are similarly innocent), and the grunts just want to live. Often enough they fight just because not doing so has a higher chance of death. So, I'm excited that someone has finally decided to keep one captive and not kill it.
Ok, now for the fact talk. I understand that this story is completed and so this will change nothing, but I really feel like I have to say this stuff.
A) Slipspace travel is (relatively) slow. I think the Pillar Of Autumn took about four years to reach Halo, if I remember the book I read correctly.
B) UNSC crew don't just meander around their ships during slipspace transit. Because of the time jumps take, all nonessential crew members are put into cryogenic sleep. So, there wouldn't be a bunch of people wandering around, talking, and doing stuff like in Star Wars or Starcraft.
C) Contrary to Halo Wars, people don't wear clothes in cryo. It causes freezer burn which hurts like a... Well, one guy wore a band air by accident once (sourc, book called The Flood) . It apparently hurt a whole lot. Spartans wore full armour, but it still hurt them. They just ignored it.
D) People wouldn't know Linda's name. Also, they all thought she was dead, but they put her in a cryo pod so her body could be brought back. It wasn't until after halo was destroyed they found her in the cryo pod, and still alive.
E) Fun fact. There were a good number of Spartan 2s still alive at Reach. Then, most of them were wiped out by unexpected covenant glassing.
I'm not trying to rage write or anything. I just really feel this should be said (A.K.A. I'm a lore nut). Please don't think I'm a jerk.
| justreidabook chapter 1 . 4/5
Huh. This one's gonna count as a horror story? Huh.
| The P.B.G chapter 38 . 3/11
Okay time to review...
First off, that is... a lot, I think this is one of the longest things I have ever read, and my word is it awesome and as you say in your final note a bit bloated. I will be frank in feeling that "When There Was A tomarrow" was a better story throughout with better pacing, and being close to a masterpiece. Guilty Sparks has a strong beginning and a fantastic end that kept me on my seat but the middle... ehhhhh. It was patchy and at times a slog to read, and initially I found the Liara subplot difficult to read, although by the end it wound up being one of my favourite plotlines.
Personally your biggest flaw I feel was to much action and not enough downtime, although considering the plot constraints you were working with that is not something that can really be addressed. In short I feel that the downtime chapters you had in WtwaT (When there was a Tomorrow) were well paced, meaningful and well thought out, here the Halo side downtime always had this tension that never left (which given the limitations of the situations understandable) but it soured all the interactions in an overly serious layer. And moreover it felt like always action all the time. The Liara sub plot did provide those familiar clam points I found in WtwaT, but because it did not tie directly into the Halo plotline it lead to both a disconnect and a issue of the fact that all the people on the Halo side got more and more stressed, and while that worked out as a narrative device excellently with the deserters, Silva and the sheer tension at the end, the length of the story meant that it ultimately left the middle of the story just awkwardly unsettling at times, not all the times, but in social interactions.
Moreover the other big issue is the combat scenarios: they are so dam long, like reall, really, really long. While at points like on Kah'Sharn the narrative tied extreamly well into the plot, at other times it is very much characters fighting a hunter for about twenty paragraphs and lines. This is at times tedious to read to the point of being painful as their is no abbreviation as its hyper descriptive layout can lead to a very complicated battle boiling down to 'the bad guys are dead' and 'the good guys won.' In WtwaT the plot and the combat were often very well tied together and were interwoven well, like exploring the new Covenant technology and the how the groups was trying to find each other in New Alexandria. Here is felt like going from point A to B and overcoming every obstacle in its way. Then again that might be due to the thematic nature of Halo.
Now I have finished grilling you time for some praise. First off your OC's are amazing, Zek, Nel and all the others are just so god dam awesome. They are not Mary sues or self inserts, which is a given with how well you write, but more importantly they are each just so dam likable and detestable. Nel was initially a character I hated, not because for how she was written but because of how she was as a person, you made me see her as a person, a flawed and terrible person but a great character. But the moment I saw how vulnerable she was, and when she claimed "its not my fault" over and over and how it all ties into her unapprovingly father I pulled a massive oneeighty turn and while I could not forgive what she had done I could empathies with her. truly a masterpiece of character development.
Moreover character distribution considering the size of the cast was handled with a moderate of grace. Between the OC's you managed to give nearly all the characters an arc, ike with Mirada's intensifying hatred of Guilty Spark, Silva's downward spiral, Tali and her Cortana dilemma (by far the best plot twist I have seen in a long time) and Liara pinning over Shepard. I cannot really find a fault, I do find Tali and Shepard's teasing on occasion out of place but it does add to their relationship. Moreover how you put characters in position of strength and weakness shows just how good you are at making this a character driven rather than action driven. Only character I feel was a bit out of place was Thel, probably due to me knowing him more from Halo 2 and 3 than the books, as I presume he goes through a pretty big character transformation as the story goes by.
Also props to you for adapting the story in the way you did, getting everyone out in that way and making the cast even bigger :p I must say it will be fun reading Remnants and seeing how this all turns out. I am a bit sad that the minor prophet got killed but then again that's the carrot and stick approach to writing we save everyone but big prophet prize becomes flood food. Moreover I am worried/excited to see what Cerberus will do on the Halo side of things past the wormhole, I mean ONI and Cerberus... please oh god I do not want to imagine it but it will be so glorious... I mean terrifying. Moreover I am just worried how they will deal with the 'Uneven Elephant' and how people will react to going back in time: if that happens.
Wow I wrote a lot, and I have so much more I want to say Xp
| The P.B.G chapter 15 . 2/27
Okay I will admit so far the Liara arc has ranged from amusing to rather long winded at times, but this chapter... oooooh boy did it peak my interest.
The technology you showed off at the corp looks very cool, and is quite imaginative, and for mass effect quite plausible in a ultra high tech kind of way. However its what Balak and his conversation with the coperations head that got my interest: I can tell they have plans, and big ones at that. I suspect that the Turian himself is part of a hard-line Turian sect that follows the mentality that the Turians should be the ones leading the galaxy and the council is an unnecessary entity. While we never see it in game, the audio codex does say most Turians realise that they would lose more than they would gain if they ever replaced the Council: however I suspect this group thinks differently. That or I am thinking in too grand a scheme and they just want more political say, although considering how 'pro' Hierarchy they are I still believe they are the former.
Sorry for gushing again, I have had and have plans to do something like this, so I kinda just leapt into it :p
| The P.B.G chapter 4 . 2/24
Just one bit of feedback on this chapter, although I am sure your aware of it.
My head hurts from following so many characters at once... ouch
Apart from that capturing Joker was a very nice touch, as was Linda's rather hard line stance to EDI's defiance, something which I hope comes up later. Then again this story is already written so I am sure it is fine
Still I did feel the action did drag out quite a bit and the whole tone was a bit too serious, I am not looking for comical but very go here do this and fight that. Not much of a curve ball, however this is one of the introduction chapters. I am sure as they hit the ring the story will get more 'spicy'
| djmegamouth chapter 38 . 11/21/2016
Amazing well done the best halo story I've ever read.
| djmegamouth chapter 37 . 11/21/2016
OH thank god that was to fuckin close.