|Reviews for Through Troubles and Hardships|
| AscendingAnthem chapter 4 . 9/7/2013
You've started this off well.
| Sami Danohk chapter 2 . 2/1/2013
Darn. I was going to write this someday, but then I discovered somebody had... Maybe I'll do mine in the form of a narrated playthrough.
| Random-StoryKeeper chapter 4 . 1/13/2013
I faced a similar problem too; when writing stories, I found myself making the chapters shorter as I went along. Peronsally I don't think word count should so much count for a multi-chapter story but rather the flow of ideas and events that occur. That being said, keeping all chapters a consistent length is probably a better idea, both for you and the reader.
In these later chapters, the story began to feel more like a walkthrough for the game rather than a story. Yes, you could recall all the events that occur throughout the game. What makes a retelling of Cave Story interesting, however, is not what happens on screen, but also what the players don't see. These include feelings, thoughts and emotions coming from the point of the view of the character, which you have been portraying quite well. There could be a bit more description and "showing" added in later chapters which would really make it seem like the reader is in the world the game is set in.
Anyways, I do hope you continue writing this. And yes, longer chapters will be nice.
| Random-StoryKeeper chapter 2 . 1/13/2013
You seemed to have confused me. The story started out in first person, and by the end of this first chapter, I find Quote being referred to in third person.
Two more chapters to read through, but based on the word count, I reckon they're short. I do like how you insert the - no pun intended - "quote" from obtaining the specific items. To me, it gives the story a very in-game feeling when those references are cited.
| Maquerea chapter 4 . 12/12/2012
I think the reason these are getting short is because of how much you skip over details and things, writing events happening at a very quick pace. From the way you wrote it, King seemed to have seamlessly recovered from Quote falling right onto him from all the way up at the top of the cavern. Not sure if you even mentioned Toroko running off.
Also, King should've looked more than "a bit" upset, I think, considering how much he seemed to care about Toroko in the game.
It seems you're very new at this writing thing, so here are some tips.
1: Keep things in the same tense. Either past or present, not a mixture of both, unless you happen to be doing flashbacks. You're guilty of doing this, so just be aware from now on.
2: Try being realistic. Imagine how things would've happened, no matter how bizarre the Cave Story universe seems to be. JackmanB is a user who finished his own novelization years ago, and it's AMAZING. I'd definitely take a look at it, since it would help you write your own version. Personally I didn't appreciate some of his choices, such as Quote swapping out for the machine gun (even if it was one of my favourite weapons because it would let you fly :D) but regardless, it made for a good and unique story that made sense. Here's part of the url: s/5733045/1/Cave_Story_A_Novelization
3: Avoid repetition. You don't seem to do this much, but please try not to say the same word again and again and again in the same paragraph, or even the next few. Use synonyms and other ways of showing things. For example, for an average male boy you could say, "[His name] did X," or, "There were no other options available for the boy..." or, "He did X," or, "The teen did X." Be creative!
Anyway, regardless of any errors (though your grammar, punctuation and spelling and all seemed quite good), Cave Story novelizations would have to try very hard to be uninteresting for me, and supporting fresh authors like myself is good, so I'll follow this.