|Reviews for In Another Universe|
| eSJa chapter 1 . 4/11/2013
Regardless of the fandom this is a great piece!
However, know a little of the back story makes this have much more dramatic impact, and really sums up exactly what his thoughts must have been every time he had a chance to breath.
I think one of the things that make SeaQuest so relatable is the human element to it, and you bring that out really well here. Even for a prose piece, as the reader you know exactly what he is talking about and can relate to the feelings of longing and loss.
The real killer though is in that he knows what he wants to say, how to say it and the exact actions he so desperatly want to accomplish, but he can't. That one fact haunts him and you nailed the feeling of helplesness.
I don't usually like drabbles written like this but you made me a fan of this one!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 4/1/2013
Good morning/afternoon/day :) Reviewing this one because it's the first most recent I've come across that I haven't reviewed yet...
Really enjoyed the diptych effect of the poem, with the first half being a positive look into the potentials of the relationship and the second half being the grim reality, and the "hinge" as it were on "this won't happen now." I'm not familiar with the episode being referenced but this is accessible to non-fans, and the sentiments ring true in any case.
The verse-form works well for you, especially reflecting character, considering that I don't think Nathan is the sort of guy who would express his thoughts as a... I dunno, villanelle or something :p The simplicity is very characteristic and makes this a clean read.
That being said, I'm wondering whether some of the lines could (if you were interested) be revised to really stand out- the ones I'm particularly looking at are in the second half. "I worry I'll never see you again" is poignant, but could it be brought out a little? The same with "the thought kills me"- if it were mine, I'd perhaps experiment with some visuals which you use to good effect in the first half of the poem, with Nathan's descriptions of holding her face in his hands, etc.
Anyway, just some thoughts, and genuinely did enjoy this one. Well done.
| StormRex Lancer chapter 1 . 1/19/2013
Love can be weird at times, but as people say, that's what make love special in a good way. I can instantly read it pairing in my own OC. The good thing about this piece is that any character that we can think up of is able to participate in it, and the gist of it will never change. It's like a lost opportunity to confess to a loved one about how his or her feel, and that he or she can only think of their love as their only beacon of hope.
So sweet! :)
| Madam'zelleG chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
I can totally imagine this kind of emotion going through Nathan's head during everything that happened on Hyperion. I love the way that he's so worried about her, and that he's so sure that he'll never be able to see her again.
Still haven't seen Season 3, but I think that Kristin doesn't find out what actually happened to seaQuest, yes? Could be wrong...
Lovely feels running all the way through this. I think that my favorite part was when he was thinking about the fact that a spaceship stole seaQuest and just how ridiculous that seems. Even after all of the alien encounters he'd had, the fact that his ship was stolen by a spaceship still seems crazy.
Lovely work, my darling! Well done!
| Legendary Biologist chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
The poem is so beautifully-written, and it works well with the prompt word 'spaceship'. Congrats on completing the challenge!
In another universe,
Nothing would break.
No one would hurt.
-The beginning is so powerful and emotional.
Most of the lines shows the theme of love and angst. The entire poem clearly shows that Nathan is yearning for Kristin, but unable to convey his love. Quite sad, but lovely.
In all this madness,
All I can think of is you.
-Wow, eternal love! The ending is definitely fitting to the beginning as the lines are so powerful and emotional.
Overall, this poem is moving and I love it! :)
| The Death Frisbee chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Starting and ending lines are effective, which works well to make the poem feel complete. The slant-rhymes with hurt and right work well, as does true/you as a true rhyme.
The volta of 'This won't happen now' I feel could be a bit more explored - it's a striking line, but I think it deserves more than just 'A spaceship took us.' You have room in the second half - 'I can't even tell you / Explain to you what happened' feels unnecessary and like a waste of words. Take that out and replace it with something more interesting.
Similarly, the 'I'd look at you / You'd look at me' would work if the 'look' were replaced with a more interesting verb - have them doing something instead of the passivity of looking.
Crazy and madness are a bit too close together as similar words: I'd replace 'madness' with another word that means the same but doesn't imply insanity.
Hope this helps! No SPAG noted; punctuation and capitalization were appropriate.
| Lynnp chapter 1 . 11/13/2012
Loved it! And yes, I'm finally back!
| SkywardDiamond chapter 1 . 11/12/2012
I was on my way to Remember When and I saw this. I just had to stop by.
Ah, angsty romance. I like.
So, love, hope (maybe regret?) and spaceship. And you had to convey the idea in exactly 100 words? (which I imagine was the hardest part). Good job completing the challenge. You picked the perfect scenario to write about.
The thing I like most about this is the poetic feel of it. It has a rhythmic feel which I think mirrors that of a water world (with the rhythmic flowing of water/waves and the like).
Plus I like that Nathan can't stop thinking about Kristin and giving her a big ol smack on the lips, kinda like your current avi :p
Good work! Even though it's short, it's still poignant and effective.
| ballofstring66 chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
A very interesting style - I liked it. I didn't need to know the fandom to appreciate the content it works excellently as a thing in its own right and the sense of loss is very apparent. Well done.
| Rosawyn chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
This really is a lovely poem. The longing and wistfulness throughout this poem is haunting. I absolutely love the way this opens, with the declaration that "In another universe, Nothing would break. No one would hurt." I know that feeling so much, and it's one of the main reasons I am inspired to write fanfiction, spurred by the desire to "fix" things that the canon left broken.
The theme of love is so strong here, and also regret. Nathan regrets that he can't tell Kristin what happened to him. He feels betrayed by events beyond his control.
I love how you used the canon event of a spaceship abducting seaQuest to fulfill the prompt requirement here. You have not only included the prompt, but you have made it central to the poem: it is the cause of Nathan and Kristin being separated and the reason he can't even tell her what happened.
Not only does this poem start powerfully, but it ends powerfully. "All I can think of is you." It shows Nathan's undying love for Kristin and reminds me of your other poem where he expresses the same.
You know I don't really know these characters well, having not seem much of seaQuest canon, but reading your work has me shipping them. They're very much the sort of paring I am drawn to, having been screwed over in canon like this. I don't know if I've told you, but the vast majority of the pairings I ship either ended tragically in canon or never had a chance to in hell to begin with. And this poem exemplifies exactly why I am drawn to those parings. It is the tragedy and the longing and the angst, and the feeling that they deserved better, that they deserved to be happy.
Thank you for writing this beautiful entry for my challenge! :)
| mirage24 chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
This was so beautiful! I wish they'd gone back and done something like this, but I could see why not. I really loved this, and once again you do an amazing job showcasing their relationship. Thanks for posting a wonderful poem :)
| MelonLady chapter 1 . 11/8/2012
just beautiful! perfectly timed for me too as I rewatched Splashdown only yesterday :)
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Your description right off the bat of the Alien abduction had me laughing out loud. It was matter of factly, but even you seemed to be like "I can't believe they went that path", between the lines. Anyway, moving right along.
AWWWW! I love this poem! It was so sweet! And with your other stories, this just fits in so perfectly. I was all "awww... oooohhhhhh..." the entire time. You're such a fantastic writer. And all I kept thinking is, okay where's the fic that goes with this saying what Kristin's thinking and how are you writing their getting back together scene. I don't like when Nathan and Kristin are apart. I am one very sad Blue. (Pun wasn't intended) And I know it's not canon and whatever and such, but still... I loved this. Awesome job! *Hugs!* Love you!
| rozozzy chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
This poem is short, yet precise and eloquent. I like the short and choppy rhythm of the poem. It works to deliver a powerful effect. Even though your word choice is simple, the clarity and the abruptness of the poem make it simple yet beautiful. Admittedly, I know nothing of SeaQuest, but this does spark my interest a teensy bit. The lines that stuck out to me were: "Nothing would break. / No one would hurt. / I'd look at you. / You'd look at me." and "Explain to you what happened. / A spaceship took us." The former because it's filled with raw emotion and the latter because the sudden shift shows me how crazy this all is.
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 11/7/2012
Thought I'd be the first one to review this poem, and I have to say that it was amazing! I loved Nathan's thoughts on what he'd do and say with Kristin, and I hope that Kristin knows about what occurs with the seaQuest (fandom blind...). I'm a huge sucker for poetry, so this drew me in very quickly, and I love the format you have going on here, as well as the message that the poem is delivering. No grammatical errors were founded, so nice work proofeading! Once again, I truly enjoyed reading this poem! :)