|Reviews for Brother|
| DeejayMil chapter 1 . 7/30/2016
Hello! Sorry for the wait, first week of uni is mental.
[At first Sherlock was just a screaming thing down the hall, or a wrapped white blanket being shunted from room to room] - first up, gosh I love this line. I can't even verbalize what it is that appeals so much to me, but I really, really love it. And it builds the opening of this fic so well - it sets the atmosphere and the character exceedingly well, as well as the premise of newborn Sherlock.
As a small suggestion, and this is something that I struggle with too sometimes (and which I think the bulk of your feedback to me may be founded on) - this line in particular felt clumsy to me:
[Mycroft lay awake in his bed, watching the shadows from the tree branches outside flicker and quiver across the ceiling. Flashes of anaemic moonlight rent the gusts of cloud-cover, like the search beacon of a distant lighthouse.]
Gorgeous imagery, but the terms you've used to build that imagery are almost too distracting from the scene itself - I found myself focusing on your word choice rather than the building of the scene. A few less verbose word choices (I love interesting words and will always encourage the use of them, but space them out nicely!) might help make this opening line a little less distracting.
[Dad was in Milan on business again, and Mummy had told her disappointed firstborn that he mightn't be back before it was time to go back to school. This summer, Mycroft had seen little of Mummy either - thanks to the screaming white blanket.] - I think because of the strength of the last line, this line felt weak to me. Lacking Mycroft's wonderful voice, and ringing a little dull from the telling of the details rather than the showing.
[she would return to her room and that thin fretting noise would start up again.] love this also, omg. Such a perfect description of a sickly, needy baby wanting their mum
[Sherlock didn't own anything blue. Mycroft had been promised a sister.] ahhh also love 3 it's the little details that I delight in, and so far you've peppered your work with them and I dig it.
This bit I'm not SUPER sure of so I could very much be wrong-my beta is my go-to for semi-colon use and she's sleeping atm-but I think there may be some dodgy semi-colon use in the final scene (As goddamn wonderful as that scene is). It doesn't take anything away for me, and I honestly wouldn't have noticed it at all if my beta hadn't spent the last seven months beating me for my semi-colon use, but it could be something for you to look into!
The ending felt just the tiniest bit weak to me - after the perfection of the build-up, it felt as though it trailed off into nothing. One-shots need powerful endings to close them, and there are so many ways that can be achieved. Even just adding a single one line "Mycroft could have sworn he heard her crying." (depending on what you want to achieve) ends the fic on a solid note, adding a bit of sadness to the whimsicalness of the two brothers.
But overall, I loved this. I'm a sucker for baby Sherlock/Big Bro Mycroft stories, and this one was wonderful. Looking forward to more of your work!
| Otaku and Proud chapter 1 . 6/22/2016
Trust 7 yr old Mycroft to know the scientific names of fingers and teach it to newborn Sherlock.
| TolkienScholar chapter 1 . 5/8/2015
Wow. This is so sweet! I like the image of the "screaming white blanket," showing how little contact Mycroft has really had with his brother so far. I really think this would be how Mycroft would be as a child, definitely young and softer than he is when he's older, but still knowledgeable and constantly trying to figure things out, even if the things he's figuring out are less complicated than they will be later. And also kind of unsure, especially where something like a baby is concerned ("Maybe he was easily broken."). Very nicely done.
I think there's a missing "he" in this part: "...yellow and white shades of the cotton singlet was wearing." The "of" might also need to be changed to an "as." I think those were the only SPaG things I noticed.
The "Quick as a cobra's bite" simile was startling, but I think it actually works. Because Mycroft's not really sure whether he likes it or not, and maybe it startled him in the same way. Quite clever. :)
| englishtutor chapter 1 . 2/19/2015
Your writing style is hauntingly beautiful, and you've done a wonderful job of keeping your Mycroft in character. Seeing such a disturbing family melt-down through the eyes of a highly intelligent seven-year-old is both poignant and moving.
| frankannestein chapter 1 . 10/27/2014
Hello and Salutations! Thought I'd drop by and return the favor of so many wonderful reviews. Unfortunately, I am fandom blind (don't even say it, I know . . .) except for the bits of Sherlock lore that have made it into everyday life. I won't, obviously, be commenting on any part of that.
But as far as reading something for enjoyment, I can do that. :3 And I really did enjoy this one-shot. I didn't always know so much about babies and Mummies as I do now. What I do know, now, makes me see so much more than Mycroft does in this story, and it's . . . well, it's sad! I just wanna hug that little boy for doing what he did for his brother even if he didn't quite realize the magnitude of it himself. I'm curious to see how this incident affects Mycroft later, if he even remembers it - especially the final line.
| George J. Valtom chapter 1 . 9/8/2014
Hello! Review tagger coming through here. I know this isn't one of the stories you requested, but since you have a whole chronology set up, I'd just like to go through everything in order.
"Quick flashes of anaemic moonlight rent through the gusts of cloud-cover, beaming like the search beacon of a distant lighthouse." I love how, right here, you've already set up for us a lot about the character of Mycroft. You'll have to forgive my fandom blindness, but I believe Mycroft has a very intelligent trait about himself? That shows through here very well.
As the story goes on, we can really connect with some of the things he's feeling. For example, he's upset that his parents don't have as much time for him any more; that's something a lot of new older siblings feel. Also, being afraid about breaking the baby...I've handled a few babies before, and I know exactly the feeling!
I found it humorous when Mycroft is trying to teach Sherlock the formal names for all the fingers. I remember when I was little, I tried to teach my baby brother things, way before he was ever old enough to understand them. XD So, I guess, this story really speaks to me through that personal connection.
I'm not sure what happens at the end there - again, canon blindness perhaps? Did something major happen in the show/books here?
There were a couple of spots that may need improvement. For example, this paragraph break:
"Sherlock didn't own anything blue. Mycroft had been promised a sister.
All the same, Mycroft imagined a sister would probably scream just as loudly as a brother, so there didn't seem to be a lot of difference there."
These could be melded together, I think, into a single unified paragraph.
Also, this line right here: "...that surprisingly powerful grip; but by this time he was making a valiant effort to keep his eyes open." With a semicolon, you don't use a conjunction afterwards. Maybe say "...powerful grip; by now, however, he was..." to keep a complete sentence on both sides of the punctuation.
Other than that, this was a very well-written FanFiction, very uplifting and cheering and sweet. Fantastic job!
| Maid of Justice chapter 1 . 6/6/2014
It's really sweet that the Holmes brothers are actually not fighting-then again, it's because Sherlock's a baby and apparently has no reason to hate Mycroft.
Characterization, although the characters are decades younger than in canon, is good. It's pretty Mycroft-like to think of a wailing Sherlock as merely a screaming blanket, or to be disgusted by thick drool. Description is also good; I could imagine the dark room in which Sherlock was in, and how Mycroft acted towards him there.
[shades of the cotton singlet was wearing]
I'm a bit confused here, I think a 'he' between singlet and was could do, since it made me stop reading for a second to figure out, thus breaking my flow of reading.
Although I know Mycroft's a genius kid, and might know algebra already, I didn't expect him to know the Latin names of the fingers. I only found out know. On the bright side, this does add more knowledge.
Other than those two issues I found slightly irking, this is a nice one-shot about Mycroft and Sherlock showing their brotherly bond before things apparently became sour.
| Pan Hatta chapter 1 . 5/4/2014
This is adorable and in its own right kind of... eerie? I can't articulate how I feel exactly, but in retrospective, it gives off the same feeling I have towards Mycroft as we know him (Gatiss style!). He's very alien to human relationships, mirrored by the way he just saw Sherlock as this bundle of clothe that cried.
I understand this was written before season 3 so we actually knew little of their parents. However, I don't know if you saw this or not, but in the DVD extras, Gatiss and Moffat did a commentary during some of the episodes and hinted that there could have been an affair (or at least that's what I got from it). This gives the whole "father away on business" paragraph an underlying meaning for me, whether it was intended or not.
The only thing that really caught me off guard was [Sherlock didn't own anything blue. Mycroft had been promised a sister.] What I got from this was the idea of "blue for a boy". That and the early onset of their male sibling rivalry. Or maybe it was used to illustrate Mycroft's observation skills. I'm just mainly confused at to why they were chosen to be in the same paragraph.
Similar to the TV show, Mycroft shows his inadvertent caring side by teaching his brother to count and at the same time, it exhibits his vast intelligence, something which he isn't really credited with (or at least not enough) in the series until season three- really insightful from your behalf.
Overall, I really enjoyed and it was a fresh perspective on the older Holmes that has yet to be inflicted with Sherlock's intelligence. Well done!
| clicketykeys chapter 1 . 3/24/2014
I feel like there's something I'm missing.
Your detail is crisp and vivid - a wee bit on the purpley side for me. I tend to prefer literal sensory detail more so than figurative imagery. But you have a light touch with it and the images are clear. The tone is excellent; it has a very observation-ish feel to it, which is perfect for Mycroft's point of view.
And the piece does a good job of setting up the relationship that Mycroft seems to have with Sherlock - taking care of him, sort of, but not entirely sure what to do with him.
Mycroft's final observation is an interesting endpoint for the scene. I take it he "could have been mistaken" because it was so dark? I'm wondering if you're touching on something that is established by the show and I missed that episode?
Nothing SpaGgy jumped out at me, so well done there. You have a clear, smooth style that works well in this scene. Well done!
| StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 1/14/2014
. Trying to see how many reviews I can give a member in 1hr . . Rather fandom-blind! .
Judging by 'Mummy', I'm assuming the characters are very young here, and so there's a very childlike feel created at the beginning with the way Mycroft seems completely captivated with the world outside of his bedroom window. I think the mystery surrounding baby Sherlock definitely reflects his mysterious nature as an adult as well. When it says he hadn't seen much of Mummy thanks to the 'screaming white blanket', I picked up what might've been a hint of jealousy. He doesn't appear to see it as human here, implying a bit of carelessness, and he seems to feel that his brother's getting all the attention, which I am sure would irritate most young children. The childlike innocence of little Mycroft's point of view, for me, creates a lot of darkness between the lines- is Mummy clumsy and dazed because she's very, very down, maybe? Or been taking drugs to help out with those down feelings, perhaps? The barefoot and nightgown definitely suggest some carelessness in life. 'Maybe he was easily broken' frightened me, and that heightened the envious vibes I was getting from Mycroft. However, I'm not so sure when I saw Mycroft playing with him, when he was letting Sherlock try to eat his fingers. Maybe I'm wrong in my prediction, so my apologies about that. :) Also, there's something about you and shocking endings, I think...This one used that childhood obliviousness to its full potential. To him, she's just in a strange position, but to us, she is clearly incredibly depressed. I noticed one of the reviewers thought that the mother had postnatal depression I think, and that seems likely in this case. I have no concrit. Another emotion-wrenching and well-written story. Keep up the good work! I really like reading these. :)
| Gregg c chapter 1 . 12/29/2013
Great- something to read at last. I will savour each digit.
| maxxy21 chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
hello, I'm surprised to say that I like this chunk of work. I say surprised because I wasn't thinking that writing about a new born baby would keep me interested but i did. the part about Mycroft being there to help his new born baby brother to sleep heated my heart. anyway I will be reading the rest of what you have. I'm sure you don't remember me though, but you did read my first post that i put up. It was close to a year ago; but you did give me a very good review that I thank you very much for, so I wanted to return the favor. I now have much more time in my life to keep working on my own story. also just an FYI I am taking down my first post and replacing it with new work. Its going to be the same story but it has a new name now you will see it if you go back to look into it, I'm cutting my posts way down on your advice so again I thank you.
| Madame Tortilla chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
I’m not fandom blind, but when it comes to Sherlock I’ll always assume surprises are on my way. Now, I did enjoy this one-shot but my feels got to the Holmes’ family. It’s not just the fact that their father is away, but Sherlock’s mother seems to be falling into a depressive state of mind that can be both dangerous for her and for the children, so it does break my heart reading how Mycroft deals and thinks about the situation. From what I do know, it would seem that Mother Holmes was not only very much alike Sherlock, but possibly also has a volatile temper. I read in Tumblr a theory about the Holmes’ dysfunctional family and I wouldn’t think it too far-fetched that their father had several affairs. Throughout the series, we notice how Sherlock dotes on Mrs Hudson. Me thinks he his channeling unresolved feelings and relationship with his mother.
Still, I can feel Mycroft’s pain. He isn’t showing it, in fact, he always comes across as aloof and sarcastic while Sherlock throws his emotions around even if he tries not to. This one-shot is a little hard to stomach in its core, but it was very well written. There were a few parts I found a little too vague for my liking, but that’s just a personal nitpick. Keep up the good work )
| SiriuslyPeeved chapter 1 . 10/10/2013
This was beautifully written. Little Mycroft is very much in character. Infant Sherlock's first investigation - my brother's thumb! It's also a poignant view of what I have interpreted as postpartum depression from an older sibling's perspective - I had postpartum depression myself with my second child and this story had a powerful impact on me. Bravo.
| Cheile chapter 1 . 9/7/2013
Okay, I will start off by saying I'm 200% fandom blind and probly will be forever on this one. So I'm gonna have to trust that you have all your character ducks in a row, which I'm sure you do :)
Didn't know Sherlock had a brother, heh. But I always find child character stories interesting, and this one caught my eye. I like that you're doing it from Mycroft's POV and the descriptions of what he sees and thinks are realistic. I can't quite tell how much older Mycroft is than baby Sherlock, but he seems a good bit older since you describe him reaching THROUGH the crib bars as opposed to over and down the way, say, a teenaged sibling would.
Love the finger grabbing and Mycroft's little counting lesson. That's adorable. Also love the whole "he wanted a sister but got a brother" instead. Very realistic of young children to decide their reality should include one or the other and even try to deny it after baby arrives, lol.
The ending is a bit mysterious...whats' wrong with their mother? Suppose if I get to tag you again, I'll check out the sequel you mentioned and maybe find out. Nice work.