Reviews for Marianne and the Song of Redwall
The Grey Coincidence chapter 33 . 4/12/2018
I have been binge-reading this lately, and have found that I like it a lot. It reminds me a lot of a real Redwall book, and you have imitated the accents quite well. There's a lot of mystery and I sense a lot more to the Akil story than meets the eye.
I'm confused as to why the other vermin are hunting Salome and Samuel though, it seems a bit more than just plain jealousy, though that is in itself a fair enough reason for vermin.
The whole nature vs nurture in the Redwall verse has always fascinated me- and while you're not overtly dealing with it, I did like the first few chapters of Salome and Samuel adapting to abbeydweller life. Samuel seems a lot like a vermin from the books. And I mean that in the best possible way (love the varmints).
So keep it up and you have earned yourself another follower.
flakjackal chapter 1 . 2/11/2017
Really liking this story. I hope you update soon.
TortoisetheStoryteller chapter 32 . 12/8/2016
What a lot of twists and turns!
Radio Free Death chapter 1 . 11/7/2015
[Against the surrounding forest, the young ferret was a tiny figure - swathed in her brother's cloak, which now clung, rain-sodden, to her fur; the water-pail tucked beneath one arm.]

Make sure to use sentence-connecting semicolons sparingly and only when the ideas in the clauses are inseparable.

[Salome glanced down the front of the cloak - the black-dyed fabric had been soaked through, and she doubted that any amount of scrubbing and wringing would remove the filth.
Salome swore aloud. She knew that if not for the cold, Samuel , her brother, would never have entrusted it to her, seeing as she had ruined her own cloak not long before.]

Considering how bad the weather is I see no problem with Salome ruining her cloak, or her brother's cloak. That shouldn't be the biggest worry. Her worry should be hypothermia and getting further lost.

[When his claws unhooked themselves from her shoulder, it must have resembled a sheet of stapled paper.]

This is nice imagery, but a bit weird in this story where cut paper and staples don't exist.
Divebomber chapter 5 . 5/21/2014
Your story seems to be going somewhere, but please. The text formatting like that of Ch.5 (or lack thereof, to be more precise) is one of the quickest ways to show your disrespect to readers and convince them that the author doesn't care. Certainly did with me.
Madness chapter 10 . 3/27/2014
This is really, really good! Really gives off a feel of Redwall! I'll be keeping up! And you keep up the good work!
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 17 . 1/7/2014
Oh wow, what a place to leave me, ifeelmad! Now you just have to keep writing, not only to tell us what it is that Muryet claims to have “seen,” but also to show us if Samuel and Salome really will leave to keep the Abbey safe. And what will Rashe be willing to do to get the two ferrets back? Would he really infect Redwall with the Black Death? I hope you don’t plan on keeping me waiting in the dark too long :)

I wonder too if Muryet is really as daft as she seems. She’s obviously got some mental issues, but I wonder if she really does see and hear things that aren’t completely delusions. Seerbeasts are often very odd creatures, and I wonder if she really has foreseen something important about the history of Redwall. It would be neat if she turned out to have a message from Martin the Warrior for them or something of that nature.
I enjoy Samuel and Salome’s differing reactions to Martin, too. It seems realistic that Samuel, being the tough, practical, I-can-do-it-myself type of creature that he is, would be scornful of how much help a “dead picture-Warrior” would be to them at the moment. He’s the sort of beast who sees practicality in solid, real things, like a dagger or food, but doesn’t seem to take much to flights of fancy. I like on the other hand, that Salome secretly admires Martin and thinks the whole story of him and his star-sword is kind of cool and nice. Their different views of Martin do a good job of showing how different their personalities are.

Well, this is going on my story alerts and I hope to see updates soon! Keep on writing! Cheers :)

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 16 . 1/7/2014
Oh dear, Redwall’s really in a state of panic now, but I can’t really blame them. Considering the history of Redwall, all the way from Loamhedge being wiped out by plague and forcing the Loamhedge survivors to start over again at Redwall through to the Dry Ditch Fever in “Salamandastron,” it is understandable why all the Abbeybeasts would be so afraid. Sickness really was a weapon in the time period when there weren’t reliable medicines and cures. I know that during wars and sieges, sometimes enemy armies would actually catapult diseased animals or human bodies inside the castle walls to infect everyone inside with the plague. The widespread panic that Abbess Elinor and Samuel’s information causes among the Redwallers in certainly not without cause.

Again, everyone was in character: Skipper wanting to run right out and attack the vermin, Sister Bethelle getting all flighty and panicky at the thought of Redwall being overrun with vermin and disease, Abbess Elinor being strict, practical, and severe when need be. Salome sneaking into the council seemed like something she would do, since she’s a bold, little thing, and Samuel was in character with his blunt, straightforward attitude and responses. It was also nice again to juxtapose this chapter with the small flashback at the beginning to see more of the relationship between Samuel and Salome, with Samuel again being the tough, harsh, but not uncaring Big Brother, and Salome being the dependent, naïve baby sister. I thought the thing about Salome using “I was thinking of Mother” as an excuse for all sorts of things, even though she doesn’t really remember her mother, was a nice touch, a good little characterization for her.

I wonder how the Abbeybeasts will deal with threat of Rashe and his “Walking Dead.” And I wonder how Samuel and Salome will deal with the fact that they were followed. Keep on writing! Cheers!

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 14 . 1/7/2014
This is feeling very much in the Redwall spirit now: a vermin gang threatening Redwall. Although I like the twist (one that we never saw in the actual books) that the Redwallers will have to decide whether to harbor the ferrets and fight or hand them over to their fellow vermin. Rashe is a good vermin leader: arrogant, suave, not easy to frighten. If he really does have a horde, I’m sure the Redwallers have a lot of trouble in store from him, if they don’t hand over Samuel and Salome.

Again, I liked the characterizations of both Skipper and Elinor in this chapter. Skipper’s as impetuous and short-tempered with vermin nonsense as usual, and the way he obviously would prefer to fight on sight than talk shows he’s a real warrior-type. His hot-headed and blunt responses to Rashe, telling him he “has no time for his nonsense” and telling him to leave was very in character. On the other hand, now that the Abbey is threatened and she has something other to do than nit-pick about eating habits, Elinor is also showing a lot of her spunk in this chapter. While she offers the traditional peace of Redwall as the Abbess, I like that she also makes it clear that Redwall does not fear vermin but vermin do fear Redwall for a reason. Good for her! And while she is gracious and willing to talk civilly to Rashe, she doesn’t back down from him and she makes it clear that she’s in charge of this conversation, not him.

I wonder how Samuel and Salome will react to finding out that they have a vermin horde looking for them, and I am curious to see what exactly Rashe wants with the runaway ferrets. Keep on writing! Cheers!

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 13 . 1/6/2014
Cool, a cliff-hanger! I wonder if Muryet really did see Fainlie, if it was just a hallucination, or if it was a dream, and if she did see her, how Fainlie got with the vermin. Guessing games seems to be the theme of this chapter, according to Skipper Johndam at least, and there’s certainly a lot of questions I’m left with at the end of the chapter…which is of course, a good way for you to keep the readers interested and reading!

I’m still not sure if Samuel was completely telling the truth about the vermin or not, either, just as Skipper and the Abbess aren’t sure. What Skipper and Elinor were saying and debating about the story made a lot of sense, especially Skipper’s point about Samuel not being injured at all and that being unlikely if he was attacked by a group of four or five other vermin. But at the same time, Samuel may be tough and have a temper, but I don’t see him as the type to intentionally injure Muryet, and I don’t know why he’d have come back to Redwall if he did. It would be a pretty big shock if he turned out to be the bad guy at the end! I look forward to seeing how all of Skipper and Elinor’s, as well as my own, questions get answered in the remaining chapters.

Sister Bethelle obviously takes her job very seriously, which is good to see. She is a little brusque to the well-meaning Redwallers, especially Marianne, but I think you’d need to be to be a good healer. The love and care she shows Muryet is quite touching.

Keep on writing! Cheers :)

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 12 . 1/6/2014
Good for Salome! I like that she at least tried to stand up for herself and Samuel in front of Skipper and the Redwallers. That would be a hard thing to do for someone like Salome, but I believed that she had it in her, and I was cheering for her when she was defending herself and Samuel. She’s shy, naïve, and easy to bully, but she definitely has bravery and spirit, too. She’s proved it several times, as well as here, and I hope she continues to show spunk, especially after all the hardship she’s been through. I felt so sorry for her when Skipper, and then Samuel, are mean to her, though. I was especially angry at Samuel here at the end of the chapter for treating her so poorly when she was actually trying to help him. I can understand why Samuel is frustrated, scared, and angry, but I hope before the story is over that he learns to respect his brave, little sister and learns to treat her decently. It makes me sad to see him hitting her and calling her names, when she’s just trying to do what she thought was right.

I again felt a lot of respect of Abbess Elinor in this chapter. I love the authoritative way that she handled all the shouting and name-calling and how she was able to restore order and send everyone about their business and get Redwall back running smoothly while they try to decide what to do about Muryet and the ferrets. I especially liked the tough way that she handled Skipper and told him to behave or get out when he was getting into that fight with Samuel. Even though she’s annoyingly strict and a killjoy when it comes to food, I like that she’s not one to let herself get pushed around and she does have the makings of a fine leader, when she’s not getting into a snit over food and actually has some leading to do :) It was also nice to see Marianne standing up for her friends and trying to do her best to defend them, but she’s also honest about what actually happened, as well as respectful toward her elders, which makes her an even more likeable character.

Well, at the moment things aren’t looking good for the ferrets. I hope that Samuel and Salome are able to prove their innocence and prove they were right to Skipper and the other creatures of Redwall. Keep on writing! Cheers!

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 11 . 1/6/2014
Oooh, I really like where the story has turned in this chapter – this was probably the most exciting chapter, so far! Now that we know the characters quite well and the story is moving along, I’m excited to see this new development in the plot and this conflict of not only the strange vermin who attacked – if Samuel is telling the truth – but also with the added complication of the Redwallers thinking that Samuel and Salome are at fault. Skipper Johndam basically accusing Samuel of attacking Muryet himself really adds tension and conflict to this chapter! But I can sympathize with him, considering Redwall’s past encounters with vermin and knowing now what a rotter Akil turned out to be, when they let him in just as they let Samuel and Salome in.

I thought all the characters were very in character for how you’ve portrayed them so far. While Abbess Elinor is always strict and authoritative, here she proves that’s not always a bad thing, and for the first time, I could really see why she could have gotten elected to be Abbess. She’s strong, she takes control and restores order, and she is level-headed when everyone else is freaking out. Skipper Johndam, as usual for an otter leader, is tough, war-like, and ready to fight anyone who might be a threat to the Abbey and the Abbeybeasts, even if it’s the ferrets. I like how he restored order by bellowing at all the Redwallers, too – that seemed just like something an otter or a badger would do in the books. Salome was shy and defensive, Samuel was straightforward, offensive, and protective toward Salome as he’s always been, and Marianne was believably upset by the injury to one of her friends.

Very good chapter, all around. I look forward to seeing how the Redwallers will continue to act toward the ferrets and if they will believe Samuel or not, and if the strange vermin in the woods show back up to cause more trouble. I also hope Muryet is all right. I also apologize for disappearing on you there in the middle of my reviews, but December was a crazy month for me. I should be able to finish up the story now :)

Keep on writing! Cheers!

-Sauron Gorthaur

(P.S. Also take a look at the formatting of this chapter, again. It's another one that's turned out funky.)
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 10 . 12/2/2013
Oh my, I didn’t see that coming! I wonder what has happened to Muryet and if she will be all right! I hope it doesn’t have anything to do with Salome throwing that dagger around, though that would be a definite plot twist and quandry for the ferrets if it was. After a vermin already kidnapped Muryet’s sister, I doubt the Abbeybeasts would be too gentle toward two more vermin killing Muryet. I guess I will just have to read on and see :)

I loved Muryet’s rendition of Martin’s coming to Mossflower – it was so appropriate that she would describe everything in terms of food and then make herself hungry with it. It sounded like something one of the young hares would have done in the actual books. I also thought it was cute and kind of humorous how Salome was trying to tempt Muryet into wanting to eat the turnover, and I liked the bit, as well, with Salome practicing her “Martin-the-Warrior-swordplay” with all the fancy moves and such. I also loved the description of the “acrobatics of a summer-giddy golden-winged butterfly” – I thought that was a really great, fun description and was quite vivid and poetic.

During Salome’s daydream session, I wasn’t sure though whether “Bear” the Fighter was a typo or not, since his name is Boar in the books. Was it supposed to be that Salome just couldn’t remember his name correctly and that is why she was calling him “Bear” instead of “Boar”?

Keep writing. Cheers!

-Sauron Gorthaur
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 8 . 12/2/2013
Well, Muryet is an eccentric character, to say the least! However, she seems very much like a character who could have come from the real book series. I am reminded of a lot of the extremely eccentric characters that appear throughout the series, and even some of the hares with their obsession with food are similar to Muryet.

However, the whole thing with Akil, Fainlie, and Muryet makes for an interesting twist to the story. There’s conflict in the way of the Abbess being so strict and the ferrets trying to fit into Redwall life, but so far there hasn’t been a whole lot as far as plot in this story – the characters trying to achieve a specific goal, which is an important part of any story. This looks like it could be the beginnings of a really interesting plot: to find out what happened to Akil and Fainlie and to restore Fainlie to her sister. It’s different than most of the actual Redwall plots (with vermin attacking Redwall) so that could be interesting to see what you could do with something like that: Marianne, Samuel, and Salome trying to find out what happened to Akil and Fainlie. It’s certainly a mysterious element to the story at this point!

Hmmm, I’m also very curious about what changed Abbess Elinor. From Muryet’s talk and from the way Marianne and Jerome talk about Elinor, she obviously wasn’t always the way she is now, and I wonder if the whole thing with Akil and Muryet was part of what made her change her attitude and become so strict and severe. It would make sense.

I also laughed at the part of the “gatehouse-dust-suffocation.” That sounded just like the books, where the characters are always complaining about it being too dusty in the gatehouse. And I loved the description of the gatehouse with all the “tome-hills” and scrolls piled everywhere.

Keep on writing!

-Sauron Gorthaur

P.S. You might want to re-upload this chapter too. The formatting is weird on it again, the same as with Chapter 5. It’s rather hard to read.
Sauron Gorthaur chapter 6 . 11/29/2013
A very cute chapter! And it was nice to see the Redwallers opening up, showing more good cheer, and enjoying a moral, but fun, story. And, as the Redwallers open up more, it’s also nice to see the ferrets opening up as well in this chapter – with Samuel chatting and joking with Skipper and Salome joining in with Marianne’s song and with the story hour with the Dibbuns.

Once again, Salome was very cute in this chapter. Her “butterfly” pantomiming and her confusion as to why the Dibbuns were laughing was adorable, and she seemed very much like a young maid (of any species, even human) in that moment. Her fascination, and embarrassment and confusion, with the Akil story, were also very much in character for her. Clearly, despite her innocence and naiveté, she still has the same self-dignity as her brother, and her embarrassment when she wonders if she and Samuel were like Akil begging for food and shelter was quite touching and a little sad, but in character. Her “practical” question at the end also was in character for Salome, who is obviously quite pragmatic when it comes to such things.

I also love that the Abbey punishment of choice in your story is the dreaded “dishwashing duty,” just like in the original books! It really gives your story the spirit of the series :)

Keep on writing!

-Sauron Gorthaur
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