|Reviews for The Unknown Variable|
| Ataxius chapter 1 . 2/16
Maybe you should include in the summary that this is a 'FemHarry' but really an OC that has literally no relation to Harry Potter but the name.
| MintMousse chapter 80 . 1/30
well, you have harped on pepper so much i don't feel the bonding the girls are supposedly have done here. if there were more action and less of an 'btw pep now feels like a 2nd mom' going on it would've flown better. overall though interesting setup and story. looking forward to book 2
| MintMousse chapter 2 . 1/30
yep thats cringy from 3rd person pov to 1st person pov ... you couldve easily stayed in 3rd while focusing on penny . that threw me ! will keep reading for now, i think i read this before but cant remember if i liked it or not ... hmmmmmm, see ya
| Son of Ceres chapter 78 . 11/27/2016
Loving the story, I don't normally read Fem-Harry, but you piqued my interest fast enough that I just can't stop reading :) small note, not sure if you'll read it or not, but Pepper's full name is Virginia Pepper Potts, according to the Iron Man comics, it's not just a nickname, however she hated the name Virginia, so insisted everyone call her Pepper, which stuck :)
| Azaira chapter 66 . 10/25/2016
First, there needs to be clear indication on who is the center of each paragraph. You don't need to lead into the next one with the end of the last. The next could continue the one before it instead, allowing a singular focus in each. It can get confusing when you have multiple in each, especially in the usage of the same pronouns for different people.
You also need a differentiation in the areas where death speaks.
Description and Dialog, it's unclear where one starts and the other ends. Underline, italics, or anything really.
| Azaira chapter 35 . 10/25/2016
Love the story so far
'Unaware of the disasters to come' - This is one of my few peeves. It's not foreshadowing, nor I does this make the story interesting to me. It gives a vague hint at some future trouble - which is likely in most stories - without any credibility. There primary characters don't know anything of the future, and no other source of information is available to allow such a statement. Something like this should only be said from a third party view. I could give multitudes of reasons why you should avoid this kind of writing.
And I call bull on a slow old man dodging lightning. While it makes the story more interesting - in that you can continue along the same story line, so not as interesting - it's a bit ridiculous. I mean, she comes out of nowhere, charges up an impossible ability, and throws LIGHTNING at him? How the hell is he not shocked still? How can an aged man move that quickly and dodge an unknown ability without any forewarning. Even if it was just one of her metal balls, I just don't see it. What would be the point of them if they can't even hit slow people?
Great stories are great, even if logic fails. You're a great writer, and can write a story, but I'd rather you have just had one of Obediah's men get her by surprise or something. I don't know how you would write it otherwise, but I just feel like you could do better than this, like you have with the rest of your story.
| Azaira chapter 1 . 10/25/2016
seems interesting but confusing
Does she have her memories or not? Is she on her world or not? The explanation almost seems to go in circles. It will likely make sense in future chapters, but it's not exactly clear.
| DeliciousCookie chapter 35 . 10/18/2016
I'm sorry, I can't really read any further than this. I was intrigued at first, and slowly with each step you invalidated your whole story by just keeping everything the same. It is frustratingly boring when it could have been so much more. The big plot holes are also hurting and the pathetically sudden weakness.
You've literally changed nothing to the story and I'm guessing I have to wait after the latest avenger movie is done to see any originality. The minor side-sequences are dull and feel shallow. You stuck so much to canon that so far the story has no substance. The only thing kept me so far was the character of Penny, but you made her impact on the story and everyone in it useless so far. Currently there haven't been any true reason for her existence.
I was expecting too much from the story I guess. It could very well be better in the later chapters, however I can't really endure reading until that happens.
| exillion chapter 30 . 10/6/2016
The hyperlinks causes the text to disappear into the dark background, making it impossible to read.
| exillion chapter 13 . 10/6/2016
You've been watching way too much Vampire Diaries.
| exillion chapter 1 . 10/5/2016
So err... Is the Father white, too?
| Axel Fones chapter 80 . 9/5/2016
Honestly enjoyed the story, spent all day reading it.
| Axel Fones chapter 74 . 9/5/2016
Penny giving off some very childish vibes that I wasn't feeling at the beginning of the story. Presumably reconnecting with her dad and sort of awakening or whatever it was called gave her a new perspective on things.
| Axel Fones chapter 64 . 9/5/2016
I'm starting to feel that "And you just pissed me off!" is Electra's catchphrase.
| Axel Fones chapter 57 . 9/5/2016
God, Fati is such a bitch.