Reviews for The Lion King: The Secret Prince
Asante chapter 16 . 6/12/2014
From this teaser, my guess is that Jitu's dad is the antagonist in the next story, unless the son he's talking about is another lion from Jitu's pride. Ooh, maybe his son is Koko, and he's been fed misinformation about his son's whereabouts? Okay, gonna stop guessing now.
Asante chapter 15 . 6/12/2014
Aside from the villains' inconsistent motivations and decisions, I did like this story. I smiled whenever I saw similarities to my own fan fiction. The narrative sometimes felt awkward, especially when the writing switched from past tense to present tense, but that issue was easy enough to overlook. It had very good pacing and the suspense was perfect.
Asante chapter 14 . 6/12/2014
I've noticed cliffside battles seem to be the go-to climax for most Lion King stories. Heading to the last chapter to find out how it ends.
Asante chapter 13 . 6/12/2014
Sorry to nitpick, but some of the character motivations and choices don't make sense to me in this chapter. Not trying to criticize, I just feel like these are issues that you might want to work on.

1. Tojo and the others just left without Kopa and Vitani? I suppose if Kopa and Vitani never returned to the hideout, it might make sense that they couldn't find Kopa and Vitani, but you don't seem to indicate that in the beginning of this chapter.

2. Why would Mheetu, Afua, and Vitani leave Kopa to face the one lion alone when the four of them could easily overpower the lion and then leave together? Sense Jitu wants to capture Kopa before killing the entire royal family, I would think keeping Kopa safe would be a first priority for Kopa's group.

3. Jitu doesn't really explain how Kopa was in the way of setting his plans in motion. I mean, Kopa was just a cub at the time. How was he an obstacle?

4. Jitu and Koko leave Kopa alive? He was beaten and weak, why didn't they try to capture him? It's just like the ending to Chapter 10 when Kopa is beaten into submission and then Zira just randomly leaves when she originally meant to capture or kill him. Now Jitu's being just as inconsistent.

5. Jitu ordered his followers to kill Tojo's pride, but Jitu's lions left without killing any of them. Mheetu was just injured when they left. Why did they leave? None of these villains are following through on anything.

Despite these issues, the story is suspenseful. Gonna try to finish it tonight.

Also, "Kopa was too caught up in his battle with Kopa." I think you meant Koko.
Asante chapter 12 . 5/21/2014
Almost finished reading this book, and so far it's very nice. I do wonder why Jitu and Zira are keeping Simba and Kiara alive. I mean, I don't want Simba and Kiara to die, it just seems odd that Jitu and Zira would just hold them hostage when they have a perfect opportunity to eliminate them while they have them in their grasp.

I'll read the last three chapters later.
Asante chapter 11 . 5/21/2014
Might I suggest a slight change to the transition from Chapter 10 to 11? Instead of having Zira leave Kopa unconscious (when she was tasked by Jitu to kill him), how about Zira prepares to kill Kopa but is then interrupted by Vitani and Afua, who chase her off (Zira's three companions would have already left with Kiara). Then Kopa passes out. Then, in chapter 11, he wakes up back at the hideout. It just seems like Zira was being idiotic not trying to kill Kopa when she had the best chance.

Was anyone else imagining Kopa singing "I'll Make A Man Out Of You" from Mulan during the training? No, it was just me? Okay then (goes back to his corner).
Asante chapter 10 . 5/21/2014
I'm a bit confused by this chapter. Zira just left Kopa? She planned to kill Kopa, Jitu told her to kill him, and she has the best opportunity to kill him while he's knocked out, but then she just randomly turns around leaves him.
Asante chapter 9 . 5/21/2014
Wow, Afua killed that other lion almost effortlessly. I'm a bit confused, because Afua mentioned in the previous chapter that Tojo was the only lion in their pride who could fight.

I don't really understand why Ayari refuses to "accept" that he's Kopa once his memories start to come back.

Moving on to Chapter 10
Asante chapter 8 . 5/21/2014
Kopa's anger towards Tojo felt a bit random and out of place, though maybe it's just the natural state of male lions to feel threatened by other males they don't know.
Asante chapter 7 . 5/2/2014
Technically, Simba was the first one the six bluebirds saw when they hatched, but that's just a little nitpick. Another nitpick, Vitani says Simba and Zira were "practically enemies." No "practically" about it, they were "definitely" enemies, lol.

Going to pause for tonight, but seven chapters through, and really liking the story so far.
Asante chapter 5 . 5/1/2014
I predicted that the pride Rafiki sent Zazu to find was Malka's Pride, but I didn't expect Malka to be dead (starts crying).

Okay, so we have Tojo, Tama, Babu, Boga, Mega, Sabini, Chumvi, Kula, and Afua. What about Leo and Joe? I'll read on and see if they show up in future chapters.

Seriously, Malka's dead? (Starts crying again)
Asante chapter 4 . 5/1/2014
"You're no use to me dead." What did Jitu mean by that? I mean, wouldn't killing Simba be the way to take the throne? And why couldn't Jitu just kill Kopa and Kiara after?
Asante chapter 3 . 4/27/2014
So, Ayari just up and decided not to eat Timon and Pumbaa? Well, I guess if I was a lion who tried to hunt them, I'd be intrigued to learn they had a lion friend named Simba.
Asante chapter 2 . 4/27/2014
I wonder how Jitu knows about Kopa/Ayari.
Asante chapter 1 . 4/27/2014
Just read Chapter 1. Liking the story so far.
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