|Reviews for A Different Kind of World|
| Guest chapter 1 . 2/6/2013
Love it! Please update soon!:D
| Guest chapter 13 . 1/9/2013
Ha ha I love your story so much please keep updating it :)
| VodkaWarrior chapter 7 . 1/5/2013
i feel that you have ruined this story with Alice
| VodkaWarrior chapter 4 . 1/4/2013
VERY wonderful plot, yet I don't feel that slender man should be in this story.
| SatanReaper666 chapter 12 . 12/18/2012
Love the story! Wonder what slendy thinks of all of this.
| somethingwooooo chapter 12 . 12/16/2012
Sorry that i dont review much...but I barely have any time to read a fanfic...but i will try from now on! :-) This is a great story and trust me I check my email once or twice a week (It's a lot for me) and hope that you update. when I saw that you updated, I literally screamed in joy at home (nearly gave my mom a heartattack). But you should really make your chapters longer, but you are sick...not yo mention that you have a life...
I have a slight suspicion that the Alice's in this are from or heavily based from the characters from Vocaloid am I right?
so anyway, how are you feeling? I heard those are real nasty, and that it even hurts a little. Bless your heart and I hope you fell better! :-)
Oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS! :-)
| Adamscr chapter 4 . 11/30/2012
I'm enjoying this story very much at this point.
| Adamscr chapter 1 . 11/30/2012
First chapter is very well done.
It draws you in quickly.
| Death101- Fox Version chapter 4 . 11/11/2012
I decided to type this review as I read. So this is what I noticed in order of how I noticed:
- Again, you need to work on your tenses. Within the start of the chapter you switch from present to past back to present and then you stick with past for the most part. I know this is a difficult thing to get used to but I strongly suggest a Beta until you learn. The beta will also notice other mistakes in grammar and spelling you may miss and can also act as a sounding board when you have issues with plot and such.
-At one point you write wear instead of where. Wear is like “I wear a hat when it is cold”. Where is like “Where are we going?”
-“When stepped back in the closet, I then a stepped on a hanger that made a snap” Who stepped back in the closest and this is an awkward sentence. There seems to be words missing or rearranged to make the sentence harder to read and understand. You might want to get into the habit of leaving the chapter for a day before posting just so you can try to spot the mistakes. It doesn’t always work but sometimes it helps.
-Why do you have italics around the dialogue? Italics are usually used for thoughts or to add emphasis on words. To have all the words of dialogue in italics seems very odd. It’s almost as though they are speaking with their minds and not with their lips. If that is the case, please make that more obvious. Speaking of which, how is the blank-faced guy speaking and why isn’t she surprised by how he can speak without a mouth?
-Only names, places, I, and the start of sentences need to start with a capital letter. A few times you have capitals at the start of a word where it does not belong, such as “Said a Female”
-Good job with describing the characters.
-Did you want petty or pity? Petty means, and I am quoting a dictionary, “1 unimportant 2 small-minded 3 on a small scale.” Pity means “1 sorrow and compassion aroused by another’s condition 2 something to be regretted … (what a pity!)”
-Biology. Actually being shot in the stomach is one of the worst places to shot someone. It can cause them to die very slowly and there are a host of other problems. It is possible your human’s biology is different from us humans but you might want to double check your details first.
-Jay’s not Jays. The ‘s shows the word is possessive of the noun. Like “Jack’s car”. I realize that is confusing but I’m afraid I don’t know a better way to explain the issue. Sorry
-I’m not sure about the character voice for Slenderman or the others because I’m not familiar with their stories so they might be OOC (Out Of Character) which actually can be a big deal to a lot of fans so you might want to be careful with that.
Anyways, this seems fairly well done.
| Splendyandslendy chapter 3 . 11/10/2012
I like it do far. :) good job. I hope you'll take my advice. I mean, our advice. :)
| Death101- Fox Version chapter 3 . 11/10/2012
Hm. Interesting. She's got guts to stay after being stabbed. Makes me wonder what the Freak looks like. How do they dress? Is he wearing a mask? Just wondering.
Anyways, three small things you might want to work on.
1. POV. You are writing in first person so you can really only write what your character knows who this makes me wonder how did she know the cat was confused? Was it the cat's facial expression? Can she read minds? Or did the cat just seem confused? The reason I bring this up is because later in the story you might be tempted to let your character explain things that she does not understand, just to help the reader.
2. "It instead of grabbing my hand stabbed it." You need commas around the "instead" otherwise the sentence does not realy make sense. Or if you want to mix things up start the sentence like this: "Instead of grabbing my hand, the freak stabbed it."
3. Finally, you switch around tenses a little. At the start of the chapter you were using present tense (runs, asks, lifts.) However, by the end of the chapter you are using past tense (ran, asked, lifted.) It is a bit distracting so you should really just pick one tense and stick with it.
I hope this information is helpful and I look forward to reading more.
| Death101- Fox Version chapter 2 . 11/10/2012
Interesting. Again, I recommend lengthening the chapters but this was alright. And it just occured to me. If you have characters from multiple games you should really put this in Games X-over under Misc. Anyways, nicely done. The repeated starting sentences with "I" though is a bit tiresome. You might want to mix it up to make it more interesting. Just a suggestion though.
| Death101- Fox Version chapter 1 . 11/10/2012
Hm. This looks interesting. However, I am a bit concerned. What anime/manga is this story based off of? It seems like Anima (please read as Plus Anima, FF removes the plus.) But at the same time I can't be sure.
The reason why I am concerned is because the Plus Anima section is often plagued with newbies putting their stories in the section under the belief that the plus means all anime or misc anime or 'make up your own anime here'. I don't mean to group you in with newbies who don't understand the site and apologize if I come off like that but unfortunately, I have no way of knowing if this story is correctly placed or misplaced or if you have been on FF long before getting your account. If you could answer what anime/manga this is based off of, or put a disclaimer saying "I don't own this-or-that anime" that would be very helpful. Also if your story has nothing to do with the manga Plus Anima, if you could move it to the proper section (or site if this is an original work) that would be very helpful. If you don't know how or where this story belongs, feel free to ask me.
Anyways, now onto my actual review of the story.
Well you've got me hooked. I seriously want to read more. This chapter is a bit short though so you might want to make the next one longer just so that people can get deeper into the story before you end the chapter. The plot is interesting (if a bit used) so I would love to read more and see how you take this story. Please write more!