|Reviews for Sidralis Lautima|
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 12 . 7/19/2016
Okay, so I have a lot to say, so bear with me.
I LOVED your cycling back and using the same description to open the closing chapter as you did in the beginning, bringing us full cycle and letting us see how the characters and their relationships have changed over the course of the story. LOVE that technique.
ALSO, I finally got to see where the title of your story comes in! I love Professor Sinistra’s explanation of the spell and the little philosophical meaning it has.
I also really liked Olmeir’s finally getting involved towards the end, even if it was just to fend off Sipher.
Dumbledore’s expulsion of Arthur kind of felt off to me, but knowing this is what would have happened to Harry, Ron, and Hermione in reality had Harry not been the celebrity of Hogwarts and the chosen one, I suppose it’s just a matter of perspective. ;)
I like that you tie the threads up between all the craziness and Arthur’s father. That has a nice sense of closure, but Sipher’s involvement in everything still confuses me. There seems to be no other reason for her to be involved rather than bullying a bunch of kids she considers babies. Even with her “looking for trouble” personality, I feel she would have to have had some ulterior motive. Maybe just testing her skills, maybe just looking for adventure, and maybe that truly is all there was. But for some reason, I feel that the way her character was presented made it seem as if she had more to do with it all than the reader could suspect, and I was waiting for that reason to be revealed. Consider it a matter of perspective and do with it what you will. ;)
All in all, I think your story had many strong points, such as great descriptions, good use of a few writing techniques, and interesting threads to follow throughout that were made clear from the beginning. This is a well-written story, not without room for improvement, but fairly solid and entertaining as is.
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 11 . 7/19/2016
Snape certainly DOES seem to know something Arthur doesn’t, which doesn’t surprise me in the slightest. Snape being his mysterious self as usual.
I know in Arthur’s big long explanation to Snape, you wanted to make it so that the reader reads it without a pause, just as Arthur would have spoken it under pressure, but consider at least adding in commas. This will break up the clauses and make it easier to read, because as it is I had to struggle to place where parts of sentences were, and that slowed me down.
When Arthur contacts Olmeir to clear the air, it just didn’t make sense to me that Olmeir wouldn’t have something to say about the blatant insult Arthur gave him by casting Sipher’s spell on him. Olmeir may be studious, and he may not hold grudges, but he’s not superhuman. He would certainly feel some hurt over that, as he clearly manifests his care for Arthur in not wanting to help him get any closer to the danger he’s brought upon himself. I feel there would be a bit more of a discussion between them, especially since this is the first time they’ve come to blows over something, and Olmeir was clearly upset enough to fight back.
I liked how you had Arthur figuring out the potions and working out what they would do on his own. I liked that I could see his whole thought process with that as he was making them. I also really liked his honest conversation with Penelle—I feel these two got to understand one another a little better, and Arthur shows that he values Penelle for more than just her cuteness.
I like this pause before the storm, because I figured the last chapter would be crazy, and yes, I’ve read ahead, so I know that to be the case. See you in the next review!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 10 . 7/19/2016
I loved the ending on this one! Snape and his sneakiness. Though I wonder how the potions classroom would have unicorn blood in it. From what I remember, it’s not only a rare thing to have, but a curse to obtain it and drink it, unicorns being pure creatures and all. I could be wrong on this, though.
The bit in the library where they’re looking for a way to decipher the script is good. I didn’t much see the point in all the extra dialogue, though. I suppose realistically they would chat as they look, but to me as a reader, it was distracting, and I found myself skipping some lines of dialogue to “get back to the good stuff.”
It seems relatively easy for them to find what they’re looking for as well, which made me wonder why they didn’t do this in the first place when Olmeir started showing his reluctance to helping them. But he DID interpret the first note for them, so I suppose it’s only fair that Arthur would ask again, be rejected, and therefore have recourse to the library. Why look through all those books when your friend could do it for you, right?
I have to mention that some lines of description just jump right off the page, especially this one: “…light from the hall painting a swathe across part of the room.” I could see that so clearly in my mind, and Arthur hiding under the table! I see this consistently in your chapters and even though I haven’t commented on it much, I definitely see it!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 9 . 7/19/2016
Ooh, lots of conflict in this one! I pretty much read the entire chapter with this face: O.O Joking aside, while the tad bit of tension between Arthur and Penelle flowed relatively well, I feel his fight with Olmeir was somewhat forced. Arthur’s curse-flinging and sudden rampage doesn’t really fit his character, and while yes, he’s been on edge these past few chapters, I feel it would take a lot for him to really lose it on someone he considers his friend, especially since Hufflepuffs are known for their loyalty (as evidenced in Penelle’s rebuke of Arthur’s behavior after the fact). “Friends aren't supposed to hurt each other.” I feel there would have been some tension, but perhaps not to this level of magical dueling.
I did like, however, that IN this moment of Arthur being out of character, he uses the curse he learned from Sipher, completing a kind of Jekyl versus Hyde transformation in him, against the very person who helped heal him from it. I also loved Olmeir’s outrage at this fact.
And Penelle…where did she learn to do all that? Where was that in the Room of Doom when Sipher wanted to make her into deli meat? It was a sense of poetic justice to see her embarrass Sipher like that, especially since the two girls’ personalities are so juxtaposed.
So, I have mixed feelings about this chapter, as you can see, but overall I think it’s pretty good. I would have liked more of a build-up to Arthur and Olmeir’s fight, as in Arthur confronting Olmeir about his lack of helpfulness and Olmeir defending himself, before Arthur just decides to say “Screw you” and attack him.
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 8 . 7/19/2016
Well, this certainly turned out to be an interesting chapter! We have Arthur and Sipher, an unlikely duo battling zombies in a vampire’s cave. I still wonder what Sipher has to do with all this, and why she’s so darn curious as to what that paper says. Now that the vampire has told Arthur what it wants, I wonder what will happen next? I wonder if he’s found his father, as he suspected?
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m a little angry with Olmeir. He may be a rule follower, but I don’t imagine a true friend leaving their friend to get hurt again, especially after they’ve just spend time healing them. Even Hermione, as worried as she was about getting killed, “or worse, expelled,” still went along with Ron and Harry’s schemes because she knew they might need her help. Olmeir certainly seems to know a lot and have a lot of information that would come in handy for Arthur. I wish he was a bit more involved in the adventures, rather than just being a side person with a book and healing knowledge to put people back together when Sipher rips a hole in their chest. Maybe that’s just a Gryffindor’s take on a Ravenclaw personality, though. ;)
However, I like the dynamics you have introduced between Arthur and Sipher, with him doing his best to disprove her theory that he is just a whiny good kid. You’ve shown a lot more of Arthur’s character in these past couple of chapters, and I like that a lot.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 7 . 7/18/2016
Oh wow. I was right when I predicted something unpleasant would go down in Hogsmeade. I can’t believe how utterly devoid of guilt Sipher is, and how far she’s willing to go, without even batting an eye, over a piece of paper. If she hasn’t proven herself dangerous already, surely there’s no more guessing at this point. It really does make me wonder what she has to do with everything, and why she’s so bent on getting that message from the giant.
I’m proud of Arthur for trying to take a stand. That reckless bravery reeks of a Gryffindor spirit, though I know loyalty to his friends and wanting some way of getting back at Sipher for their sake is what’s underpinning his bravado here.
I knew the kiss would happen eventually. Just didn’t expect it so randomly like that, although I guess that’s kind of more realistic in a way. It wasn’t some movie-theater kiss in a dark corridor or anything. It’s kind of sweet that it was so spontaneous, and that not even Olmeir noticed.
I’m worried for poor Arthur now. No telling where he’ll wake up in the next chapter!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 6 . 7/18/2016
I like that this chapter has a breath of relief from all the action of the previous chapters, though I know something’s bound to go down at Hogsmeade, too. I’m excited to see these three bonding as friends, and more than a hint of romance between Arthur and Penelle as well.
It’s also interesting to see how the events have seemed to change Arthur and Olmeir’s friendship. They make remarks that seem to hint things weren’t always the way they were now, and I appreciate having that glimpse into the depth of their friendship.
Penelle seems relatively unconcerned about Sipher’s attack, and it makes me wonder if she knows something that Arthur doesn’t, or if she’s just trying to put on a brave face so he won’t worry about her or think that she’s weak. Either way, there’s a strength to her character that I’m seeing more of as the story goes on.
Nice chapter, and we’ll see what adventures happen in Hogsmeade! Also, appreciated the update on happenings with Arthur’s father. I’m interested to see how all that turns out. I would possibly like to see a bit more background on Arthur’s relationship with his parents. There’s not a very clear image of that—maybe with his mother, but not so much with his father.
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 5 . 7/17/2016
Oh my gosh. Poor Penelle! And she took it like a champ too! Darn that slick Sipher and her switchblade spell-casting. I wonder what made Penelle think she could take a girl like Sipher out? I think there’s more hiding under her bubbly exterior than she’ll let on. She reminds me a lot of Luna. But at the same time, Sipher seems like a character straight out of a street gang. I think Olmeir’s “note” of being careful with Sipher is a little bit of an understatement here.
I like that Olmeir, Arthur and Penelle are forming their own little friendship trio at this point. I was wondering if that might happen.
So Arthur is afraid of vampires. Can’t say that I blame him. *shudders* I wonder what Olmeir’s boggart was?
I liked seeing the angry, rampaging side of Arthur in this chapter, and that Penelle’s injury brought it out of him. He usually seems so calm and withdrawn, and that fits him as a Hufflepuff. But then there’s also the whole loyalty thing, and I can definitely see that playing out here. It shows how much Arthur already cares for Penelle.
Looking forward to the next chapter, and hopefully Penelle will heal up soon!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 4 . 7/17/2016
I was expecting a little more bitterness or aggression from Sipher at the beginning of this chapter, but of course I’m glad she didn’t hurt Arthur. Now I just wonder what she has to do with all these happenings.
I’m with Arthur on Olmeir’s decision to go to the Room of Doom. I don’t like it one bit. Probably a bad choice on Arthur’s part to go with him, as he’ll get sucked into whatever drama goes down there. But you know how it is. Can’t have adventures without going where the trouble is. ;)
I’m extremely curious about this writing on the giant’s chest, and what it has to do with everything else that’s going on. I also wonder what’s happening on Arthur’s home front. Hasn’t been much said about that for a while, but it keeps recurring, so I know we’ll get there in good time.
Good job with keeping the characters consistent with their traits! I always know who’s talking and you do a good job with identifying them even without using their names, such as Penelle’s voice at Arthur’s door.
Can’t wait to find out what kind of drama goes down in the Room of Doom!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 3 . 7/17/2016
Oooh, things are getting very tense at Hogwarts! Friends are abandoning friends, giants are attacking unsuspecting students, and Arthur may be finding himself in a lot more trouble than what he bargained for.
I loved Arthur and Penelle’s conversations in the beginning of the chapter. Arthur seems withdrawn, shy, and in need of a good, bouncy friend like Penelle to balance out Olmeir’s academic and more serious personality. My heart started pounding quicker when the giant came out of the water at the lake. I was wondering how they’d handle it, and the sequence between Arthur and the giant was suspenseful and exciting.
The terse and somewhat cold reunion between Olmeir an Arthur at the Ravenclaw table somewhat surprised me, although it is within Olmeir’s character to refuse to help Arthur. I would have liked to have seen a bit more surprise, shock, or concern coming from Olmeir with regard to Arthur’s safety, and what they were doing to have run right into a giant when they were supposed to be in class.
Your cliffhanger ending leaves me curious about Arthur’s fate in the next chapter. It seems Sipher the Slytherin will be a bigger player in this story than what I originally thought. Her insight that Arthur is a “good kid” is quite interesting, too, and gives a glimpse of how Arthur is viewed in this world.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| Alianne-Graysie chapter 2 . 7/15/2016
Oh, Umbridge. How we love to hate her and her ridiculous theoretical classes. I loved your description of her as a fluff of pink in the middle of the classroom, and that her voice doesn’t match her looks. You did a really great job characterizing her in her dialogue with Sipher!
I also love the tiny little glimpses into the canon that you give. It really helps to cement that Arthur is in this world and makes it more realistic. I especially loved the bit in Potions when Hermione answers a question and Snape rebukes her for giving too much information. That’s EXACTLY what I would expect out of both those characters, and you write it so well!
I’m really starting to get curious about little miss Penelle too. Part of me wondered about that cake at the beginning of the chapter. You know how love-sick witches get with their charms and potions.
A little tension between Arthur and Olmeir in this chapter, and I liked it! It shows the ins and outs of their friendship and that they’re comfortable making fun of each other and just plain not liking each other sometimes.
Looking forward to the next chapter! I wonder what's going to happen in C.M.C with the hippogriffs?
| ZoeyWhittaker chapter 12 . 7/13/2016
Wow, just wow. First, to comment a chapter. I think it was my favorite one. I loved the way you described everything so well. When I was reading it, it was as if I was there. Although you could make it less predictable that his father is a vampire, overall it wasn’t an issue. It was still interesting to follow how everything will be done. I understand and it is realistic that Arthur got detention. Perhaps he didn’t deserved it, but it logically fitted in the story.
As for the whole story, I must say; congratulations! You have managed to create an amazing plot in 12 chapters. That is really something to be proud of. I even think it is harder to make a good story in 10 than in 50 chapters. You didn’t have those long and boring chapters to read. I think pacing of the story was just amazing! I already said, every character was amazing, and also unique in its own way. I would love to read more about them (perhaps about Arthur and Penelle when Arthur returns, or something that will focus more on Olmeir?). You really dragged me into the Harry Potter world once again, and also in the world of your own. Congratulations once again.
| ZoeyWhittaker chapter 11 . 7/13/2016
The way Arthur was talking about everything that has happened to him, as if he was making it up, when actually it is all true. I had actually expected that a vampire is his father, and I personally think this part should remain a bit more of a secret by this chapter, but it was still really mysterious and interesting plot to follow. The idea of getting notifications about father from the letters is also amazing and effective. It helps you deal with pacing, etc. without writing a chapter from his mother’s perspective or something similar.
I can’t wait to see how this is going to finish. I believe that Arthur will succeed and help his father.
Penelle and Arthur moment was just a perfect add to a chapter, I loved it!
| ZoeyWhittaker chapter 10 . 7/13/2016
Well yes, Arthur really had a bad day. But also, he now has Penelle by his side and I’m sure he’ll make things right with Olmeir. It doesn’t make sense for friends to fight so much about one thing. And I love how Arthur’s and Penelle’s relationship is progressing. Although it’s probably a bit too early for her to ask him if he loves her, I think it is amazing that she is being direct with him. I missed Olmeir in this chapter, I really hope they will make everything right soon.
I can’t wait to see what’s the whole vampire thing about. He wants Arthur to make him poisons? He is somehow related to him? Nothing makes sense, and that is a good thing because I love mystery.
| ZoeyWhittaker chapter 9 . 7/13/2016
I love Penelle and Arthur moments. Two of them are so cute. And oh my god, did Penelle really beat Sipher? This was really surprising, I was sure Penelle will end up unconscious at the end but she managed to beat her.
I really love where this story is going. I feel as if characters are growing up while I’m reading it, and it is only 9 chapters! Your characters are probably what I like the most about the story. They are strong, well described and each of them unique in their own way. You handle time really good too. The plot is interesting and you managed to make it original (even though it is fanfiction). This is one of those stories which you read and you can’t wait to make it to the end, but you also know that, when it comes to an end, you’ll feel sad because there is no story left.