|Reviews for Show Me Who You Really Are|
| oooSilverWolfooo chapter 9 . 8/6
WHAT?! Why haven't you updated is so long? This is really really really good and I want MORE! Maybe some more Shelby popping up? Please, if you ever still look back on old stories and happen to see this, UPDATE! :3
| Nemrut chapter 9 . 6/12
Having read this story, there is a lot I like there. The dialog is pretty good and at times, really memorable and witty. I quite like the idea of Jade's twin, even if I felt her initial introduction and Jade's interaction with her clashed with the later reveal that those two aren't actually that close and that there is something of a rift between them.
I think that is the stories biggest weakness, there is a certain inconsistency and wastefulness in things you set up and things you actually do.
For example, you set up Tori as this girl who has been training in Mixed Martial Arts from a very good and accomplished trainer. You set her up as her wanting to overcome Jade, put her into her place and show her that Tori isn't a victim. We also know that Jade is no stranger to violence, incredibly proud and stubborn and has issues with baring the truth about her feelings. And yet, the initial climax, kinda wasted both set-ups. Tori did not overcome Jade by beating her in a fight, showing her strength, training and determination. She sucker-punched Jade who had her back turned to her and her eyes closed and wailed on her with Jade not able to put up any resistance because the fight was over before it started and Jade is extremely reluctant to hurt Tori. You don't need MMA training at the hands of a master of the art in order to do that.
Similarly, Jade just took the beating, cried uncle relatively early and resorted to begging. Now, I am not underestimating the pressure of pain and fear, especially if it blind-sides you like this out of nowhere, but at the same time, Jade is not normal, is seemingly used to physical confrontations and fiercely proud and determined not to show weakness, especially in front of someone she has a lot of respect for. I just don't see Jade willing to show Tori this weakness and prove herself unworthy in Tori's eyes. Similarly, it's one thing if your assailant is someone you don't know or know is willing to do extreme harm and another if it is someone you know reasonably well and are rather sure won't kill you or worse. Jade just wouldn't have felt a fear for her life right there, so I just don't see her begging at that point.
If I had to do this scene, I guess I would have let it start with Tori slowly escalating this, interrupted Jade with constant, light pushes to the shoulder. Jade would tell her to knock it off, but Tori would just look her in the eye and continue until Jade blew a fuse and retaliate with a harder push, which then would start an earnest fight, in which Tori's training overcomes Jade and you can end up with Tori on top of Jade, hurting her more, wanting Jade to throw the towel, if you were, only Jade refuses, which could then either escalate to a true injury or have Cat interrupt.
Speaking of Cat, her role in this story was rather aggravating, in that she basically, continuously, made things worse for everyone involved and kinda never stopped butting in and being really, really nosy.
So, yeah, I mean, not considering the whole love issue, would Jade have learned something from this alteration? Sure, she learned that Tori is willing to throw down and that she is stronger than expected, but did she learn that Tori is not to be fucked with? Because I would say, no, if this wasn't a love story, she would have just set up drastic escalation, as the kid gloves were off. Jade would feel pissed that Tori suckerpunched her out of nowhere and would get revenge in the same way and from there on, it would be anyone's guess who would get arrested first. Sure, there is no such thing as a fair fight, but they are hardly fighting for their survival or similar.
As another example, I would say the whole family situation of Jade is similarly inconsistent. When we first met her twin sister, they joked around and all, and Jade seemed comfortable enough to whine and behave more childishly. The sister was also more than ready to celebrate the fact that someone had seriously hurt her sister, or seemingly didn't mind all that much. Sure, she wanted to know who it was, but she certainly didn't show much, or really any concern. Yet later we learn that there is this weird rift and the sister desperately wants to close that and none of her actions really match that and neither do Jade's.
Also, didn't quite buy Beck's constant calling. He isn't 8, when someone isn't picking up the first two times you call, you do realize that right now isn't a good time to call and you wait a bit, like half an hour.
So yeah, had those gripes with the story, and I am sorry for the more negative tone but overall, I do feel that this story has a lot of potential and you propose a very interesting scenario, that of Tori physically standing up to Jade but some of these things just rubbed me the wrong way.
Still, thank you so much for sharing this and I hope you are well.
| hopeless-poet chapter 9 . 11/30/2015
Ahh can't wait for the update
Best I've read in days
| hopeless-poet chapter 8 . 11/30/2015
Loved the samcro shout out
| MJ chapter 9 . 5/30/2015
| megameneko707 chapter 9 . 4/29/2015
Update please! There is so many angst, drama, suspense and many other genre. I somehow hate that jade is kind of a bitch and seems weak. I just hope that she didn't kill off everybody just because she didn't get tori. Anyhow, update more and fast! Thanks and ciao
| Anita76 chapter 9 . 3/23/2015
| Matter chapter 1 . 1/21/2015
| Space chapter 1 . 1/7/2015
| TimelessReader chapter 9 . 1/9/2015
Glad to see this updated again. Nice update.
| Time chapter 1 . 12/19/2014
| squee545 chapter 9 . 11/22/2014
i would love to see what happens next update soon plz
| Lushcoltrane chapter 9 . 11/14/2014
I really like this story and reread the previous chapters before this one. This is fun but I hate that yet another stumbling block is dropped in front of Jade.
| Guest chapter 9 . 11/13/2014
Great chapter please update soon
| Day6 chapter 8 . 11/13/2014