|Reviews for Addiction|
| leena rosey girl chapter 1 . 12/21/2015
Soo cut I love these sweet storeis that have the parents love I you are a good writer keep this up and you really should make another chapter and pleas let it be longer than this
Make more :D
| my sweet feathered angel chapter 1 . 2/17/2013
it's awesome, i love it
| Guest chapter 1 . 11/25/2012
where is the next chapter going to come out?
| Heleentje chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
From your summary, the premise of your fic looked really interesting, and I always like it when people delve into the harshness of the living conditions after Zero Reverse. Unfortunately, I can't help but feel like you're wasting a perfectly good plot here.
The life you describe here doesn't exactly scream harsh living conditions to me: the kids are getting a decent education, live in a mansion, have a PSP, and apparently there's something like a functioning pharmaceutical system, unless 'refilling a prescription' is a euphemism (which, actually, would be a lot more interesting). Yes, the psychological problems are nothing to be laughed at, but in this case, I feel like you're kind of piling on the problems for the sake of drama.
More minor nitpicks:
- Like the previous reviewer pointed out, Hakase is not Yusei's father's given name, but a title meaning doctor/professor (essentially someone who has a Ph.D). He was also never a Signer or a Dark Signer, so the comment about a mark on his arm makes very little sense.
- Where is this supposed to take place? I would have thought it was Satellite going from the summary, but like I said above, their living conditions are far too good for that.
- This is really minor, but there is a very good chance that if a parental figure of Crow had survived to see him grow up, his name *wouldn't be Crow*. The show implies strongly that he got the name off a D.D. Crow card he found. At most, in an AU, it'd be a nickname.
All in all, your writing isn't bad (though pay attention to dialogue and dialogue tags: declarative sentences end with a comma instead of a period if there's a dialogue tag after them, and the tags themselves don't start with a capital letter. Also, start a new line when there's a new speaker), but I truly feel like you're wasting a very interesting premise here. Having this be set in Satellite, where they have to deal with terrible living conditions whilst having to raise their children, and all the consequences thereof, would make for a far better story. Somehow, living in a mansion, with the kids having a decent education and some luxury items like a TV and the aforementioned PSP, doesn't exactly scream 'horrible life' to me.
| Higuchimon chapter 1 . 11/13/2012
Hakase isn't a given/personal name. It means "Doctor".