|Reviews for Orders to Lie|
| Crow's Talon chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
I thought this was really well-written, and you got across the narrator's tension and moral dilemma. There's a sense of peril behind this short story which is terrifyingly done, as well as a sense of worry for poor Phlox who got kidnapped, not to mention the plague that is decimating the Klingons. The sense of guilt and shame he felt at the end was really sad, even though I'm sadly unfamiliar with Star Trek canon and don;t know who the narrator is. Excellent piece.
| Edhla chapter 1 . 12/6/2012
Fantastic drabble, and I'm excited to see so much more of what I can only assume is the same quality on your profile :D
What strikes me the most about this is the quality of your rhythm and sentence structure- something I find a writer either has or they haven't, although I imagine it could be taught. The last line is a particularly good example of this, with the last word being (to me) the most important: deserve.
SPAG seems pristine to me. Though some who are a lot better at it than me might suggest that "cloak and dagger" be written as "cloak-and-dagger."
I love "you can't order me to be good at it." Clever.
Incidentally, I love that you use extracts as your summaries most of the time. I'll have to remember that trick, it's very effective.
The only concrit I can offer to what is really a great little drabble is that, for me, the first sentence read a little oddly. I think it's the repetition of "I find", though if that's a character beat then it should stay as it does say a lot about the speaker. So far as I can see, four things are being revealed in this sentence: I find out what happened, I'm angry, Hoshi was knocked unconscious, Phlox was kidnapped. I think you definitely need all that to come across, but I had trouble getting through the sentence in a logical order for some reason or another.
In any case, this was great drabble to wake up to- well done. x
| Madam'zelleG chapter 1 . 12/1/2012
Despite the fact that I have no idea what's going on here in terms of canon, this was very interesting. I like idea of how this character feels about the many lies that he has to tell, and the bitterness comes across very well.
"When I find out what happened, I find I'm more angry that Hoshi was knocked unconscious than I am about Phlox being kidnapped." Very interesting and thought provoking.
This was a lovely little ficlet! Well done!
| Jo Jinn chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
That always bothered me about the Affliction/Divergence arc. For a former covert agent, Malcolm really didn't do a great job of being covert. Ok, so there are time constraints in a TV programme, but I much prefer your explanation.
I particularly like this line:
"I may be under orders to lie, but you can't order me to be good at it."
I could hear Malcolm delivering that.
| Sierraoscar154 chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
Hey, it's another Enterprise story! So, it was a bit hard to figure out at first whose perspective this was being told from, but I guess I didn't read the description that well, hehe. So, for such a person like Malcom, who for being the security guy, I think this sort of internal conflict is interesting; he's supposed to be the guy who is calm and collected, ready to throw back any attack or conflict hurled in his direction, but here, he comes off as confused and regretful. I guess for what he's been through, after some inference from the story, I guess his state of mind is only natural. Good work.
| Rita Arabella Black chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
So you're going to write more, right? Looking forward to it.
| LoyaulteMeLie chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
Excellent stuff. A strong Malcolm, trying to reconcile his conflicted loyalties. For an ex-Section 31 operative, he certainly did make a terrible job of concealing what he'd done. Was it deliberate, as you imply? We can only wonder!