|Reviews for Pinhead's adventure|
| BLANDCorporatio chapter 1 . 11/16/2012
I presume this is supposed to be some kind of humorous take on Hellraiser, because Pinhead -never- smiles (unless it's an evil grin), nor giggles, nor enjoys happy-happy-joy-joy moods. So if you want to write Chibi-Pinhead ... maybe ok. If you want to write Pinhead, nope.
I mean, the characters of Angelique and Pinhead sound nothing like, and don't behave at all in the way you describe, which seems more like bubbly-headed teenagers. Again, this may be the effect you wanted. But, I dunno, at this point I'm wondering why bother with the characters at all if you change them so fundamentally?
The thing about Pinhead, Angelique and the other Cenobites is that they're solemn, sullen, serious. Which makes them ripe material to make fun of, -but- remember to keep the characters taking themselves, and acting, very seriously. Humor may be inserted when these stick-in-the-mud characters are arrayed against some chaotic joker or a jumbled funny world, I'd presume.
There's, for example, one Slasher Film Icon who's notoriously the Joker type. Freddy Krueger. This reads like it's about Freddy Krueger and some lady who has box envy and a childish demeanor and happens to be named Angelique.
Which, I must stress, isn't a bad premise. But it's not Pinhead.
Also, unless you desire to show your readers the letterface of pain, ditch the bold font.