Reviews for The 13 Games: Luxury
ImmyRose chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Ollie: This guy is quite creepy, if you ask me. His obsession with keeping everything balanced is an original idea and you wrote this concept very well, although I wouldn't call him the smartest. I mean, how is going to know how the other tributes died unless he somehow manages to witness all of them? Somehow, I guess the fact that he wouldn't know how the other tributes died would probably cause him to have a breakdown or something. That will be interesting, seeing how he copes with that ;P Anyway, I like how he doesn't seem to have qualms about torturing somebody, yet isn't a complete psychopath. His warped view of the world is making him one of my favourites so far :3

Sparkle: I don't hate the tribute, but that name. Seriously, I do not find the name "Sparkle" to be interesting or unique at all, ugh. Moving onto her personality, she is a nice change from the usual dumb, ruthless blondes that are insanely bitchy and stereotypically Capitol-like. She's a prostitute, which is quite a nice idea, but still seems to be quite nice and she can be friendly to those that she knows. Sparkle isn't the typical Career either; she has layers which makes me like her more and I like how she's friend-orientated, which isn't something that you see everyday in District One.

Overall, I prefer Ollie; he's definitely less stable than his district partner :P
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 4 . 11/23/2012
Neither of the characters in this chapter were my favorite, but they were both well-written. Congratulations on the record you set for yourself, by the way! XD

Tyrian. A classic D1 archetype. Rich, smooth, superior. He doesn't admit his own feelings to himself. He was raised to be enigmatic and powerful, not genuine. Exactly the kind of character I never like. Y'know, it's more impressive to be able to write characters so that people don't like them than if you write characters so they are likeable. My favorite thing about Tyrian is his friend group and how he has to keep Cereus and Sable away from each other. That was cool, but it's not like we'll see that dynamic in the Games.

Jasper's more relatable, but still not one of my favorites. Once we start getting a bunch of really depressing backstories and creepy relatives, I start writing the tributes off. It just gets tedious. And Jasper's, while original, was extremely 'tragic'. I like her personality, but her backstory sets me back. Normally I'd feel bad for her, but after Sparkle it's a little over-the-top. What I do like about her history is that it provides her with a fresh reason to win the Games. That's valuable.

I'm getting really attracted to this writing style. There are only a few Hunger Games authors that can pull it off, and you're doing a great job, Jake! Happy writing!
ImmyRose chapter 2 . 11/23/2012
Immy is back to review your chapters :P

Shade: I like how he's one of the less noticed, but observant Careers. Those types of Careers tend to be pretty awesome in the arena :3 Also, I like how he sees the Games as an experiment, but isn't all psychotic like some tributes *cough, Meaghan, cough* which is a good thing because having twenty four psychopaths wouldn't be as interesting as having one or two. I liked his relationship with Jewel and he seems like a fairly decent person for a Career. Wouldn't exactly call him lovable or nice, but he's not as cold as some.
Ania: Well, she's DEFINITELY not the typical Career. Actually, she seems quite nice and sweet, but not entirely with it thanks to her sister's death. Okay, I do think that having a sibling die in the Games is cliche, but since this actually, you know, has an effect on Ania's personality and isn't just there for decoration, I approve. And I loved her relationship with Evander, with her trying to convince him to not volunteer for the Games, since hardly anyone has gone for the sibling-trying-to-dissuade-Career angle before :) I can't exactly say that she's my favourite, but I do like her.
And since I suck at ending reviews, I'm going to leave my name so that it looks official. Yes, I am strange xD
- Immy
SafeEyesOpen chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
Alrite, review time. C:
Oily seems interesting, though he also seems a bit naieve, which holds him to a certain point of curiosity. C; Though he is smaller, he's got quite a bit of spirit, so YOU NEVER KNOW. His POV was well written, and I like it, though Sparkle is my favorite of the two. C;

Sparkle, I adore. Her story goes into a different view of the district, one that not many writers get to. She is intellegent, in a way, but not all that wise with her decisions. Her story I am awaiting. C:

Overall, good writing, good storyline, good tributesz and I liked it. C: Cant wait for Jasper!
-Vix.
Blue Eyes Arch Angel chapter 3 . 11/23/2012
First things first,awesome nickname with Ollie!
Anyways to the critique...well there's nothing to criticise really! I still love these short scenes which create great insights into the characters.
After reading Sparkle's first part I felt rather sorry for her.I think she'll be one i'm rooting for.
Actually,same with Oily! One because of the awesome nickname and two because he seems like a confident winner.
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
Oily might be one of my favorites so far. The whole 'balance' thing is really awesome, I've never seen anything like it. He has a reason for it, too, so he's even more interesting as a character. I love CE, she's a great foil to Oily and the contrast between the two was effective. Their relationship is authentic. Oily's cautious about decisions, something that could save his life, but if he hesitates it'll kill him. His mom is really awesome too- you don't usually hear about the behind-the-scenes influences of the Games, but here one is, mother to a tribute. A little creepy that she's only proud of her son because he had the guts to volunteer, but she's a enigmatic minor character. Seriously though this kid is one of my favorites ever. :)

The implication that the Capitol rigs the sections so that some won't have volunteers is creative. Jake, you're a genius.

Okay. No matter how stupid Sparkle's name sounds, she's a very complex tribute. She's fiercely loyal to the people she loves, but sadistic towards those she doesn't know. If she dies in the Games, it'll be thanks to an ally. The whole prostitution thing was weird at first but as I read on I started feel bad for her and then by the end I was totally drawn in. Jake, she's one of the most emotionally diverse characters you've written so far and in third person, that's impressive. Satin, Sparkle, and Royce really click together and their friendships are realistic. More cool minor characters. Oh gosh it's a good thing two of the tributes get to live for now, because I'm going to end up emotionally attached to a bunch of them.

Happy writing!
District11-Olive chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
Here I am reviewing on time :D (don't get used to it, sorry :P)
I actually really like these two characters, very unique and interesting to read and of course you wrote them both so well!

Ollie: The way he is so into balance is interesting and seems to be verging on obsessive. I loved the connection of his obession with his sister's behavior, it really gave us the root to his history and how everything in his life has affected his thoughts and personallities. I also loved the way he didn't know for sure if he would be volunteering, it seemed realistic because the Quell is a bit large and it would be a huge risk to take part in it considering your low chance at actually winning. I think his quest for balance will be cool to read, especially if it doesn't work out exactly as planned ;)

Sparkle: I loved this idea for a tribute, having her as being a prostitute. Most of the female tributes from One are the bimbo blonded that only know how to kill and gossip, but Sparkle obviously has many more layers to her than that. She actually seems to have a heart, unlike most Careers that we read about. She may be one of the more calm of the group and possibly even part of an alliance of lesser Careers, which I can see forming xD

It is so awesome to see the tributes coming along so quickly! Keep up the great work!
PS: I am very excited to see what alliances will form! Seeing as most of these tributes would normally be in the Career alliance. this is going to be an intense Games I can feel it!
Anla'shok chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
No problem, I'll wait a chapter

Oily is very creepy. I first thought that his wish to see everything balanced had to do with justice. Instead he's got this skewed view of logic. And he's got a huge ego because he believes he can fix the Games by going in, knowing that even if he wins, the next year the Games will be the same as usual. Unless he truly believe people will learn from his example.
How does Oily expect to know how the other tributes were killed unless they do it right in front of them? By chasing killers and asking? And for everything to balance out perfectly he'd have to kill half the tributes himself.
Let me push this further: there will be 23 deaths, an odd number, so it will never be perfectly balanced.
But then, you never said Oily was smart, just obsessed. He's unlikable because he's not half as smart as he believes he is. But he's interesting enough.

Sparkle is the kind of girl who wants to make the most of life and have fun but I've found her boring. She didn't stand out at all. The only original thing about her is in the last line because it seems she counts more on her friends for moral support than on herself, which is rare in a Career.
Well, I can't like them all
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 2 . 11/22/2012
Wow, you really brought these characters to life, Jake! And of course, having great creators like Lolo and Meghan doesn't hurt either. ;)

Shade is observant, a great quality to possess in the Games, and unremarkable, another helpful trait. They'll help him survive, no doubt. He's accustomed to the thought of killing, he even wants to try it out, but no one can know how they'll react in the Games. I see him as one of the ones who totally loses it or maybe someone who (unfortunately) find out that they can't handle death in reality. He didn't strike me as especially level-headed. His brother-sister relationship with Jewel is very sweet; in fact, seeing as he loves his mom but their dynamic is formed mostly from pity and isn't a big fan of his dad, he'll be motivated by Jewel more than anything else. Loved the Latin token. Overall he's a great character although I don't know if he'll be one of my favorites.

Ania. Definitely atypical for D1. She's smart enough to not get caught up in the Games entirely, albeit it was the death of her sister that showed her that. She's sensitive, or at least she used to be. She reserves it all for Evander now, extremely poignant. He's more of a classic Career, but he lives without killing this year. I wonder if he'll realize what he almost got himself into- will it take the death of both his sisters to open his eyes? Because really, while she's had some weapons training and she has smarts, she's not determined like the others. And her motivation is her siblings, one of whom is dead and the other dishearteningly normal. Her parents just don't get her. I mean, not at ALL. "You'll do better than her." Really? Ania's reaction does show that she can control herself, though. Good.

Happy writing!
DarknessSeeps chapter 2 . 11/21/2012
Sorry about me being late to review, yet again D: But here I am, am I know I’ll enjoy this chapter, especially because it’s written by you ;D

Shade: I laughed with relief when I saw that you didn’t include his middle name ;P That would be so embarrassing! Anyway, I’m not going to comment much on him, because you made him suck. Nah, I was joking! You wrote him brilliantly, and I loved him :D And Jewel was so cute
Hahah, you most indeed made his father a big jerk! Well done ;P Awww, Jewel kissed him, what a sweetie 3

Ania: I’m really interested in Ania, she’s somehow different and more mature to the other tributes so far. I feel sorry for her, because of her sister’s death and the dread she is experiencing as we don’t know if her brother will volunteer or not (I’m reviewing as I go along). From the sound of her parents, they are not very nice to their own children and don’t seem to care if they either die or not, which is just selfish.
Now now, that’s interesting that she got reaped and nobody volunteered for her spot. The poor girl. But it’s good to have a reaped tribute, and I hope there will be more (I’m sure there will). But it had to be Ania ): I think she’s a realistic and likeable character, so I’ll be rooting for her! Ugh, I hate hate her parents. Poor Evander for being shoved into the table 0_0

This chapter was so well-written, and I really enjoyed it! Well done, Jarse ;)
SafeEyesOpen chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Ohmygosh.
Finally reviewing.

Shadow: Hmm, I think it's kinda interesting that both him and the girl only talk to certain people so HMM I SMELL A FUTURE RELATIONSHIP GUISE. Anyways, he reminds me of KC on Degrassi. Dont judge. Thats my guilty pleasure show. XD And his mom is leaving that ASSHOLE OF A GUY YOU GO GIRL. And the ring asdfghjkl Im learning french every day on this site I swear. XD So hopefully the dads not all GET BACK HERE YOU HOE IMA PEACEKEEPER. Yeah. Hopefully not. That would suck. And thirteen and eighteen THATS RAPE JAKE.

Ania: To many family cliches nowadays. Psh. But hers was different, so I like that. C: Her brother every day like OMG NO DONT CRY. I hate when people cry. Forreal. So just when life is good, you go and REAP HER ASS. touche jake. touche. NO VOLUNTEERS WHAT THE HELL OLD WRINKLY SNOW WHO PROBABLY SMELLS LIKE ROTTING LOTION. STOP RUINING LIVES KAY. So, ohmygod the goodbyes where the mom called Evander a brat I would been like FADE ME BITCH. BUY YOUR OWN VICTORS HOUSE. FORREAL DONT LET THEM THINK THAT THEY WOULD HAVE LIVED WITH YOU COME ON ANIA. But her character is cool, so I'm good. Interested in where this is going. •

OVERALL.
So noticable grammar mistakes that I seen, good writing. I love your third person. I usually do not like third person. Bravo et chapeaus a vous sir.
Love,
Vix.
The Light Holder chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Another great chapter!

Plus, two more great characters. Wow, I've usually found someone I hated with every will of my being by now.

I really love Shade. He's very interesting, and I just adore his little relationship with Jewel. I love the fact that he's a Career, he volunteered for this, he wants this, yet he isn't cold. It's a little bit of an experiment for him, and that's very unique. He's also incredibly intelligent from what I can tell, and I always love smarties.

Ania seems to be a little underdog, huh? How cute! :3 I like how she used to train, but just stopped. Since usually (myself included) they trained like a boss or they never did at all, it's unique to see someone who just used to. And I do feel a bit bad that nobody volunteered for her...

Overall, I prefer Shade, but they're both awesome.

Your writing was spectacular again :) I can't wait for the next chapter!
Theon Baejoy chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
An other great chapter Jake , your writing style never disappointing and you have adapted to third person very well.
I love how you alternate between povs and the news scenes bring something new and show more depth to the characters.

I love Meaghan's name ;) ahaha it's a bit mad but it is inspired by someone truly great! Lock is also a pretty cool name - different than the usual District One names like Shimmer and Ruby which are pretty yawn.

I don't like either character - typical careers mainly and a bit sadistic and cocky but eh this is District One isn't it and I still think they bring something intriguing to the story and I will enjoy reading about them nonetheless.
Theon Baejoy chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Catching up on your stories as promised. I am starting with this chapter because my baby , Ania is here :D

You know I am not the biggest fan of the 3rd person writing style for these types of stories as I feel first person is needed to add that personal experience and the characters emotions and narrative voice and such - that's what makes me connect to the character BUT I actually really enjoyed this and now I see that 3rd person can work. It is probably because of your amazing writing skills but I really enjoyed this and it was refreshing actually reading a story like this in a new way so well done Jake.

Ahhh careers,careers. Seeing as this is District One I doubt I am going to like many characters.

Shade is pretty cool I guess as he isn't overly vicious and too career-like and I did enjoy his scenes and his perspective - just not a favorite ... not to my personal liking.

Well done with your portrayal of Ania! It was perfect :) And I loved the goodbye scene very much. I love how you portray her and Evander's relationship and how you make it apparent that Ania has really changed and lost who she used to be because of Grace.

Well done Jake , I will review the first chapter soon.
District11-Olive chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
Ok, I like these two :D but Ania more so than Shade just because.

Ania: She spends all that time getting Evander not to volunteer and then. And then. And then she is Reaped o.o Urgh the irony is killing me. She seems too sweet to be in the Games, not to mention already broken because of her sister's death. And then her parents calpped. They CLAPPED. Urgh, idiots. They sounds worse than the Capitolites! I feel bad for her brother though, he must finally realize why Ania was so scared to lose him.

Shade: I like him and his relationship was cute. Though I kinda stopped at the part where you said she was only thirteen because well, I shipped them for that first little bit x.x they seemed cute okay!? BUt after that I noticed the more sibling-like relationship and it was all cute and yay :D And then she kissed him and I feel all conflicted again. Is he a pedo or... I am unsure of him as of now. But he is interesting i will give him that xD

Great writing and now:
I AM CAUGHT UP ON YOUR STORIES :D *embarassing happpy dance*
ok I'm done. Sorry bout that.
K bye, I'm really tired as you have probably noticed and now I'm rambling and, wow. K bye now.
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