Reviews for The 13 Games: Luxury
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
Oily might be one of my favorites so far. The whole 'balance' thing is really awesome, I've never seen anything like it. He has a reason for it, too, so he's even more interesting as a character. I love CE, she's a great foil to Oily and the contrast between the two was effective. Their relationship is authentic. Oily's cautious about decisions, something that could save his life, but if he hesitates it'll kill him. His mom is really awesome too- you don't usually hear about the behind-the-scenes influences of the Games, but here one is, mother to a tribute. A little creepy that she's only proud of her son because he had the guts to volunteer, but she's a enigmatic minor character. Seriously though this kid is one of my favorites ever. :)

The implication that the Capitol rigs the sections so that some won't have volunteers is creative. Jake, you're a genius.

Okay. No matter how stupid Sparkle's name sounds, she's a very complex tribute. She's fiercely loyal to the people she loves, but sadistic towards those she doesn't know. If she dies in the Games, it'll be thanks to an ally. The whole prostitution thing was weird at first but as I read on I started feel bad for her and then by the end I was totally drawn in. Jake, she's one of the most emotionally diverse characters you've written so far and in third person, that's impressive. Satin, Sparkle, and Royce really click together and their friendships are realistic. More cool minor characters. Oh gosh it's a good thing two of the tributes get to live for now, because I'm going to end up emotionally attached to a bunch of them.

Happy writing!
District11-Olive chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
Here I am reviewing on time :D (don't get used to it, sorry :P)
I actually really like these two characters, very unique and interesting to read and of course you wrote them both so well!

Ollie: The way he is so into balance is interesting and seems to be verging on obsessive. I loved the connection of his obession with his sister's behavior, it really gave us the root to his history and how everything in his life has affected his thoughts and personallities. I also loved the way he didn't know for sure if he would be volunteering, it seemed realistic because the Quell is a bit large and it would be a huge risk to take part in it considering your low chance at actually winning. I think his quest for balance will be cool to read, especially if it doesn't work out exactly as planned ;)

Sparkle: I loved this idea for a tribute, having her as being a prostitute. Most of the female tributes from One are the bimbo blonded that only know how to kill and gossip, but Sparkle obviously has many more layers to her than that. She actually seems to have a heart, unlike most Careers that we read about. She may be one of the more calm of the group and possibly even part of an alliance of lesser Careers, which I can see forming xD

It is so awesome to see the tributes coming along so quickly! Keep up the great work!
PS: I am very excited to see what alliances will form! Seeing as most of these tributes would normally be in the Career alliance. this is going to be an intense Games I can feel it!
Anla'shok chapter 3 . 11/22/2012
No problem, I'll wait a chapter

Oily is very creepy. I first thought that his wish to see everything balanced had to do with justice. Instead he's got this skewed view of logic. And he's got a huge ego because he believes he can fix the Games by going in, knowing that even if he wins, the next year the Games will be the same as usual. Unless he truly believe people will learn from his example.
How does Oily expect to know how the other tributes were killed unless they do it right in front of them? By chasing killers and asking? And for everything to balance out perfectly he'd have to kill half the tributes himself.
Let me push this further: there will be 23 deaths, an odd number, so it will never be perfectly balanced.
But then, you never said Oily was smart, just obsessed. He's unlikable because he's not half as smart as he believes he is. But he's interesting enough.

Sparkle is the kind of girl who wants to make the most of life and have fun but I've found her boring. She didn't stand out at all. The only original thing about her is in the last line because it seems she counts more on her friends for moral support than on herself, which is rare in a Career.
Well, I can't like them all
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 2 . 11/22/2012
Wow, you really brought these characters to life, Jake! And of course, having great creators like Lolo and Meghan doesn't hurt either. ;)

Shade is observant, a great quality to possess in the Games, and unremarkable, another helpful trait. They'll help him survive, no doubt. He's accustomed to the thought of killing, he even wants to try it out, but no one can know how they'll react in the Games. I see him as one of the ones who totally loses it or maybe someone who (unfortunately) find out that they can't handle death in reality. He didn't strike me as especially level-headed. His brother-sister relationship with Jewel is very sweet; in fact, seeing as he loves his mom but their dynamic is formed mostly from pity and isn't a big fan of his dad, he'll be motivated by Jewel more than anything else. Loved the Latin token. Overall he's a great character although I don't know if he'll be one of my favorites.

Ania. Definitely atypical for D1. She's smart enough to not get caught up in the Games entirely, albeit it was the death of her sister that showed her that. She's sensitive, or at least she used to be. She reserves it all for Evander now, extremely poignant. He's more of a classic Career, but he lives without killing this year. I wonder if he'll realize what he almost got himself into- will it take the death of both his sisters to open his eyes? Because really, while she's had some weapons training and she has smarts, she's not determined like the others. And her motivation is her siblings, one of whom is dead and the other dishearteningly normal. Her parents just don't get her. I mean, not at ALL. "You'll do better than her." Really? Ania's reaction does show that she can control herself, though. Good.

Happy writing!
LoveIsBlindness chapter 2 . 11/21/2012
Sorry about me being late to review, yet again D: But here I am, am I know I’ll enjoy this chapter, especially because it’s written by you ;D

Shade: I laughed with relief when I saw that you didn’t include his middle name ;P That would be so embarrassing! Anyway, I’m not going to comment much on him, because you made him suck. Nah, I was joking! You wrote him brilliantly, and I loved him :D And Jewel was so cute
Hahah, you most indeed made his father a big jerk! Well done ;P Awww, Jewel kissed him, what a sweetie 3

Ania: I’m really interested in Ania, she’s somehow different and more mature to the other tributes so far. I feel sorry for her, because of her sister’s death and the dread she is experiencing as we don’t know if her brother will volunteer or not (I’m reviewing as I go along). From the sound of her parents, they are not very nice to their own children and don’t seem to care if they either die or not, which is just selfish.
Now now, that’s interesting that she got reaped and nobody volunteered for her spot. The poor girl. But it’s good to have a reaped tribute, and I hope there will be more (I’m sure there will). But it had to be Ania ): I think she’s a realistic and likeable character, so I’ll be rooting for her! Ugh, I hate hate her parents. Poor Evander for being shoved into the table 0_0

This chapter was so well-written, and I really enjoyed it! Well done, Jarse ;)
SafeEyesOpen chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Ohmygosh.
Finally reviewing.

Shadow: Hmm, I think it's kinda interesting that both him and the girl only talk to certain people so HMM I SMELL A FUTURE RELATIONSHIP GUISE. Anyways, he reminds me of KC on Degrassi. Dont judge. Thats my guilty pleasure show. XD And his mom is leaving that ASSHOLE OF A GUY YOU GO GIRL. And the ring asdfghjkl Im learning french every day on this site I swear. XD So hopefully the dads not all GET BACK HERE YOU HOE IMA PEACEKEEPER. Yeah. Hopefully not. That would suck. And thirteen and eighteen THATS RAPE JAKE.

Ania: To many family cliches nowadays. Psh. But hers was different, so I like that. C: Her brother every day like OMG NO DONT CRY. I hate when people cry. Forreal. So just when life is good, you go and REAP HER ASS. touche jake. touche. NO VOLUNTEERS WHAT THE HELL OLD WRINKLY SNOW WHO PROBABLY SMELLS LIKE ROTTING LOTION. STOP RUINING LIVES KAY. So, ohmygod the goodbyes where the mom called Evander a brat I would been like FADE ME BITCH. BUY YOUR OWN VICTORS HOUSE. FORREAL DONT LET THEM THINK THAT THEY WOULD HAVE LIVED WITH YOU COME ON ANIA. But her character is cool, so I'm good. Interested in where this is going. •

OVERALL.
So noticable grammar mistakes that I seen, good writing. I love your third person. I usually do not like third person. Bravo et chapeaus a vous sir.
Love,
Vix.
The Light Holder chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Another great chapter!

Plus, two more great characters. Wow, I've usually found someone I hated with every will of my being by now.

I really love Shade. He's very interesting, and I just adore his little relationship with Jewel. I love the fact that he's a Career, he volunteered for this, he wants this, yet he isn't cold. It's a little bit of an experiment for him, and that's very unique. He's also incredibly intelligent from what I can tell, and I always love smarties.

Ania seems to be a little underdog, huh? How cute! :3 I like how she used to train, but just stopped. Since usually (myself included) they trained like a boss or they never did at all, it's unique to see someone who just used to. And I do feel a bit bad that nobody volunteered for her...

Overall, I prefer Shade, but they're both awesome.

Your writing was spectacular again :) I can't wait for the next chapter!
DA Member Hogwarts chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
An other great chapter Jake , your writing style never disappointing and you have adapted to third person very well.
I love how you alternate between povs and the news scenes bring something new and show more depth to the characters.

I love Meaghan's name ;) ahaha it's a bit mad but it is inspired by someone truly great! Lock is also a pretty cool name - different than the usual District One names like Shimmer and Ruby which are pretty yawn.

I don't like either character - typical careers mainly and a bit sadistic and cocky but eh this is District One isn't it and I still think they bring something intriguing to the story and I will enjoy reading about them nonetheless.
DA Member Hogwarts chapter 2 . 11/20/2012
Catching up on your stories as promised. I am starting with this chapter because my baby , Ania is here :D

You know I am not the biggest fan of the 3rd person writing style for these types of stories as I feel first person is needed to add that personal experience and the characters emotions and narrative voice and such - that's what makes me connect to the character BUT I actually really enjoyed this and now I see that 3rd person can work. It is probably because of your amazing writing skills but I really enjoyed this and it was refreshing actually reading a story like this in a new way so well done Jake.

Ahhh careers,careers. Seeing as this is District One I doubt I am going to like many characters.

Shade is pretty cool I guess as he isn't overly vicious and too career-like and I did enjoy his scenes and his perspective - just not a favorite ... not to my personal liking.

Well done with your portrayal of Ania! It was perfect :) And I loved the goodbye scene very much. I love how you portray her and Evander's relationship and how you make it apparent that Ania has really changed and lost who she used to be because of Grace.

Well done Jake , I will review the first chapter soon.
District11-Olive chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
Ok, I like these two :D but Ania more so than Shade just because.

Ania: She spends all that time getting Evander not to volunteer and then. And then. And then she is Reaped o.o Urgh the irony is killing me. She seems too sweet to be in the Games, not to mention already broken because of her sister's death. And then her parents calpped. They CLAPPED. Urgh, idiots. They sounds worse than the Capitolites! I feel bad for her brother though, he must finally realize why Ania was so scared to lose him.

Shade: I like him and his relationship was cute. Though I kinda stopped at the part where you said she was only thirteen because well, I shipped them for that first little bit x.x they seemed cute okay!? BUt after that I noticed the more sibling-like relationship and it was all cute and yay :D And then she kissed him and I feel all conflicted again. Is he a pedo or... I am unsure of him as of now. But he is interesting i will give him that xD

Great writing and now:
I AM CAUGHT UP ON YOUR STORIES :D *embarassing happpy dance*
ok I'm done. Sorry bout that.
K bye, I'm really tired as you have probably noticed and now I'm rambling and, wow. K bye now.
District11-Olive chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
Well meaghan certainly is a card xD she actually scares me, like a lot. IDK it's the way she thinks or maybe the way she just seems to radiate hatred and Career-ness. or maybe it's because Immy made her. Hm, yeah that could definitly be it xP
I kind of like Lock, but I don't get why he had such an overwhelming urge to volunteer after his friend died in the Games so short of a while ago?! I guess a Career does what he does :( Angelo just broke my heart, he really did ! The emotions you put into that scene in the goodbyes was just, I need a moment, ok I'm good. It was beautifully written.

I actually like the third person POVs a lot! I find it incredibly difficult to display the inner workings of a Career from this kind of perspective but you did an amzing job nonetheless :D The switching of the POVs was also smooth and it didn't feel like too much stopping at all which was brilliant!
Also, I like how they have the different sections! It makes sense kind of :D like for the twist and such :P
Guest chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
;)another lovely batch of tributes portrayed greatly!
lala1366 chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
Yay another update! These two are very similar in a way. Both have a parent or parents who want them to volunteer, but neither are doing it for those who want them to. I really like that. Shade seems like a really good guy, not what you'd expect from District 1 normally but is somewhat of a normal career. I really like Jewl as well and their friedship, or whatever it is now haha. He is very smart and intuitive, so I think he will do pretty good in these Games. Poor Ania is a mess and so is her family. I love Evander and her's relationship. It's cute and sweet how she can get him to not volunteer every year. I love when these siblings are close and stick together against the parents. I liked her goodbye and it was very well done for something that is not your favorite. Another great second chapter and I can't wait to read more! Update soon please! :)
Blue Eyes Arch Angel chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
I do love the way you write these,the various scenes give several different pieces of info about each character without becoming too lengthy
Shade stands out most for me right now,his personality just appeals to me so much
However,after reading about the death of Ania's sister i feel much sympathy for her
All in all,wonderfully done Jakey!
Anla'shok chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
These two tributes are less passionate and more classic. I find Shade's morbid curiosity with murder very realistic considering he devoted his whole life to it. His super-hero side with the girl he saved from bullies is sweet. He's decent but hardly kind. He seems rather smart.

Poor Ania, so obsessed with her sister's death and forced to participate in the Games. Then again, you did hint that the Capitol would find a way not to only have careers, they maybe picked only untrained kids for Ania's number. her parents are sad creatures.
I have trouble seeing her personality. She seems rather passive and more defined by her grief than anything else.

Nice update rythm, can you keep it up?
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