Reviews for The 13 Games: Luxury
District11-Olive chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
Well meaghan certainly is a card xD she actually scares me, like a lot. IDK it's the way she thinks or maybe the way she just seems to radiate hatred and Career-ness. or maybe it's because Immy made her. Hm, yeah that could definitly be it xP
I kind of like Lock, but I don't get why he had such an overwhelming urge to volunteer after his friend died in the Games so short of a while ago?! I guess a Career does what he does :( Angelo just broke my heart, he really did ! The emotions you put into that scene in the goodbyes was just, I need a moment, ok I'm good. It was beautifully written.

I actually like the third person POVs a lot! I find it incredibly difficult to display the inner workings of a Career from this kind of perspective but you did an amzing job nonetheless :D The switching of the POVs was also smooth and it didn't feel like too much stopping at all which was brilliant!
Also, I like how they have the different sections! It makes sense kind of :D like for the twist and such :P
Guest chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
;)another lovely batch of tributes portrayed greatly!
lala1366 chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
Yay another update! These two are very similar in a way. Both have a parent or parents who want them to volunteer, but neither are doing it for those who want them to. I really like that. Shade seems like a really good guy, not what you'd expect from District 1 normally but is somewhat of a normal career. I really like Jewl as well and their friedship, or whatever it is now haha. He is very smart and intuitive, so I think he will do pretty good in these Games. Poor Ania is a mess and so is her family. I love Evander and her's relationship. It's cute and sweet how she can get him to not volunteer every year. I love when these siblings are close and stick together against the parents. I liked her goodbye and it was very well done for something that is not your favorite. Another great second chapter and I can't wait to read more! Update soon please! :)
Blue Eyes Arch Angel chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
I do love the way you write these,the various scenes give several different pieces of info about each character without becoming too lengthy
Shade stands out most for me right now,his personality just appeals to me so much
However,after reading about the death of Ania's sister i feel much sympathy for her
All in all,wonderfully done Jakey!
Anla'shok chapter 2 . 11/19/2012
These two tributes are less passionate and more classic. I find Shade's morbid curiosity with murder very realistic considering he devoted his whole life to it. His super-hero side with the girl he saved from bullies is sweet. He's decent but hardly kind. He seems rather smart.

Poor Ania, so obsessed with her sister's death and forced to participate in the Games. Then again, you did hint that the Capitol would find a way not to only have careers, they maybe picked only untrained kids for Ania's number. her parents are sad creatures.
I have trouble seeing her personality. She seems rather passive and more defined by her grief than anything else.

Nice update rythm, can you keep it up?
indelibles chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
omg, this is gorgeous, I LOVE the tributes, their both so unique and amazing. Beautiful writing, i really liked this format.
DarknessSeeps chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
Sorry I’m late with reviewing, but I will always review, just to keep you happy, review whore ;D

Lock: From the first pov I instantly fell in love with him. It’s great to see a gay tribute, as I always love them. He’s very easy to like, and I feel that he is a realistic character. Also, his family sounds very interesting. I find it intriguing how his family try to disappear into the background, and not bring attention to them. His reaping was very quick and short, but that is a good effective way of writing it as it makes the situation more tense. Nooo, why did he have to leave Angelo, though? That’s the one thing I don’t get, if he loves Angelo then why would he leave him :’(

Meaghan: Hahah, love how Immy called her tribute after Meghan. Well, well, this girl is definitely very cold and sadist, but I love that I find her relationship with her brother rather funny, and I like how she is the tribute, not him. Meaghan seems to be a contender that will shine later on in the Games, and I’m looking forward to that! Grr, I hate her mother. What a bitch, for ignoring her before and then acting like she’s the best thing in the world just because she volunteered and Axel failed. Whoaa! Axel is such a jerk! No wonder why Meaghan is messed up in the head, because of how horrible her brother and mother are.

Loved both of these tributes . I can’t wait to read more from them! And I’m definitely looking forward to the next chapter :D
Cashmere67 chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
Well, I don't mind the 1st person. The tribute's personality and insight is still evident, so I don't have anything to say regarding that. The writing itself was well-written and I didn't find any trivial mistakes.
Now I suppose I can give you a lengthy review, since you've basically begged me ;D.

Scene 1: This is his first appearance, so: His name is alright, but the Skull part doesn't really do anything for me; is that a nickname or is that really his surname? Well, I learned that he is homosexual and reads a lot. He's a tad ambivalent, though, by not knowing what to do. He doesn't really seem like a Career to me personally. Even if he has trained, he seems like he would be a recluse in the arena, with his 'intelligence' and all.

Scene 2: I don't like her name too much, to be honest, 'Meagahn Paar'. I think the extra letters become redundant and the Paar just sounds pretentiously-foreign. Get that stud out of your nose too, eh, have some class. So, she pretends to like her 'friends' and puts on a fake smile, that's interesting. She's a little odd, though, imagining this boys chest being sliced. She's just as arrogant, though. But I am confused - who is Anton? And why does she want to get revenge?

Scene 3: I liked how you described the after-death situation. Who is Hezekiah, though? I think the betrayal from the other girls to Hezekiah was interesting, just so she would die. But I don't understand this scene - are they apart of a cult? I think Lock's opinions are interesting and I wonder if he will stick to them when he's in the Capitol and the games.

Scene 4: Oh, so, Meaghan is dedicated to training. She's really hypocritical. Oh, the /boy? So she has something to fight for - all she wants is to prove she's better than her brother. Their relationship is interesting; Axel is always joking and Meaghan only wants to kill him.

Scene 5: Well, there's why 'Skull' was added into his name. That clears it up. But, the gothic literature is interesting. You're introducing a lot of characters with him, and I know they don't play too big of a role, I just wish I would know more about them - to see who Lock interacts with.

Scene 6: And the one-and-only Meaghan volunteers! Even if I don't like her, she definitely will be trouble in the arena. She's obviously a threat and won't go down without a fight. Once again, I love the thoughts she has on her brother, Axel. Really makes her hatred for him evident.

Scene 7: So, he volunteered. His good-byes were interesting, much more interesting than others. How people weren't expecting it and how there is a slight chance he will join Hezekiah. Aw, Angelo and him. Maybe he'll make it back and they'll reunite?

Scene 8: What. Just. Happened. Did Axel seriously attempt to injure or kill Meaghan? At least she didn't die. It seems she was thrilled to see her brother nearly killed. Also, she was pretty excited just from that little fight. This just makes her more of a threat and definitely someone to look out for in the arena.

Overall, I prefer Meaghan. But I do like them both. I won't root for them, though, so they will be in the back of my mind in future chapters.
Good job, Jake :D!
lala1366 chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
Wow this was really amazing! You really are such a good writer and great job with the third person point of view. I was actually shocked you update this fast, but I am so happy about it yay! These two tributes were so great, so awesome job to Blue Eyes Arch Angel and ImmyRose, you two are great! Lock was such an interesting unique character, I loved him! He and Angleo adroableness! I almost cried at the end when he wanted to go ask the mayor to let someone else take Lock's place. Lock's name is so interesting too! I thought that was a good extra point to add about his character. And Meaghan...woah. She is a strange one, but I love her too! She kind of creeps me out with her love for murder, but her personality is so interesting. And what is up with all the giggling? haha she really is a psycho, but I don't blame her because her family is whacked! Her brother freaking tried to kill her because she volunteered and took all the attention away from him. She has to be a tough girl I guess to live with her family that is crazy and bloodthirsty and doesn't pay attention to her. Anyway, I loved these two and I can't wait for more of your amazing writing, update soon! :)
The Light Holder chapter 1 . 11/18/2012
This was lovely, oh my gosh

(I'm writing this on my iPod, so I apologize for any grammatical errors or such)

I love Lock! I really like both of these tributes, actually, but I shall talk about Lock first. Him and Angelo, omg. I ship it! So cute. His love for reading is adorable, and the whole deal with Hezekiah was sad, yet somehow sweet to me. I hope to see Lock do well in these Games, or maybe even win so he can go back to Angelo! :')

Love Meaghan, too. Though she's the beeyotchy District One girl, she has complexity to her with Axel and everything. She's definitely going to be a big threat, what with her dedication and training.

I love your writing! It's amazing in third person, too.

Great chapter! :) I look forward to more!
Chaos In Her Wake chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
A wonderful way to begin this story, Jake, and I just loved it. The characters are definitely interesting and your style really brings them to life. And I guess I should thank Anla for sort of inspiring you to write third-person, because it's amazing!
Lock is, well, different. He's not particularly weird, just unique with his name and all (the Gothic lit aspect was especially catching), and that makes him just plain awesome. I love his and Angelo's relationship, it's really sweet. I mean, it's just really cute. That may just make him one of my favorite characters. He's not characterized by his history, either, he's a genuine, realistic character. I hope he goes far.
Meagan is extremely well though out and piquing as well. She's got a big personality and the tension (putting it mildly) between her and Axel is terrific. Another character of whom I can't wait to see more. She could be taken in so many different directions.
Happy writing!
Aspect of One chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
I like Meaghan a lot. That slight insanity, the need to overthrow/overtake her brother, to prove herself? I love it all. Her goodbyes were my favourite. Fantastically written.

As for Lock, wonderful. His thoughts appeal a lot to me because I like that sort of characters. Coupled with your writing style that in my head has lots of luster and illusionary pale green and light yellow lights, there's something...I can't come up with the word, about Lock.

Love it.
SafeEyesOpen chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
Sorry for the late review. XD
First off, before I forget, you spelled defensless with a c. There's no c. Lol.
Okay, as for the tributes
OH MY GOSH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
I don't know which one I want to win more...hmm...I SHALL DECIDE. LOL.
Anyways, the whole third person perspective is really good, so don't beat yourself up over it. C;
Overall, its AHMAZINGGGGGG.
Update asap. •
ImmyRose chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
HI JAKE. Don't get too excited about getting a review notification; it's only me.
Lock: He seems like someone who doesn't really know what he wants out of life, so he considers the Games a good way of finding out. He seems very hesitant about volunteering and thinks that the Games will help him. It's better than the usual Career logic, although it confused me a bit at first. Aside from that, he seems like a fairly decent person, for D1, anyway xD
Meaghan: My tribute :3 I like how you showed her cute act in the beginning with her pretending to be nice to Anton, even though she was imagining his death all the while xD Also, you portrayed her relationship with Axel amazingly. I liked reading about their scene in the Justice Building }:) I liked how you showed her competitive side, with her wanting to participate in these Games even more this year because of the high number of Careers xD
In any case, great writing Jake, even though I'm not quite used to 3rd person. I think that you wrote Meaghan and Lock very well in 3rd person, and I can't wait to see the others xD
Anla'shok chapter 1 . 11/17/2012
Alright, let's see the first of those One tributes You're lucky, I feel like detailing this quite a lot today.

Lock:
scene 1 : so he's gay, literate but is still looking for something that truly would give his life meaning. he's enough of a Career to consider the Games might do the trick and Angelo is also enough of one to let him consider it. I like how you make it clear Lock is doing this first and foremost for himself and how you depict his hesitation

scene 2
In a district where people train all their lives for the glory of being a victor, they let a misfit go to the Games to indirectly kill her? All the 18yo girls gave up their last chance at glory to bully someone? They hated her that much? I feel you could have delved a little more in this.
I love how Angelo's opinion is so important to Lock.

Scene 3: Well, on the other hand maybe angelo and lock should have talked about this seriously before. But I like Lock's impulsiveness and the fact he isn't really sure what he's looking for and why the Games might give him answers. It's tragic, you captured that well.

Scene 4
"I felt it my obligation to my home to be a part of their shared love."
What a load of crap. he's been saying for 3 scenes that he didn't care about strangers' opinions and that he wanted to be himself above all else. I guess he just doesn't know why he did it and wanted to reassure his family.
Aww poor Angelo, he asks very valid questions. Lock seems seriously lost though. I hope he finds what's missing in him.
Meaghan
scene 1: A bit confusing. I get that this girl is a Career with cruel fantasies but why is she with Anton? is he and the other girls family? is that why she hangs around them despite being disappointed by their weakness? Are they despite everything the only people who put up with her?

Scene 2: okay, you set the grounds for her fierce competitive streak. She wants to prove herself. I especially enjoyed her passion here, it's quite at odds with Lock's musings and 'serene' love for Angelo.
It would be so awesome to have Axel volunteer to (since he's so good) and see what happens. (that's a hint to have some serious history between some of your contestants xD)

scene 3
The whole 'up yours big brother' subtext was fun. I'm now very curious about the goodbyes

scene 4
I see why Meaghan hated her family. I loved how she went from vindictiveness to fear and finally elation at having her family dragged away. She's more a typical Career, so confident she can handle the Games.

Very well written, you made the transition between 1st to 3rd person very well and all the scenes were very informative. I rarely get emotionally involved in a tribute, I'll tell you when that happens.
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