|Reviews for Nerve Damage Servants|
| Iudex Mortem chapter 1 . 7/5/2015
You listen here to me.
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| MaxRavenclaw chapter 1 . 2/10/2015
I came here mostly to see how you chose to depict a servant Napoleon. I am not impressed.
Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but I'll state my mind and hopefully everyone will come out the better from it. I'm pretty sure you messed up some historical facts.
Charisma A? Are you bloody kidding me?! B is enough to rule a country! A can be said to have achieved the greatest level of popularity as a human being! A is a bloody curse. Napoleon might have been proud but he certainly wasn't as unawesomely narcissistic and awesomely headstrong as Gilgamesh. A at most for Napoleon, IMHO.
As for historical facts, his soldiers loved him, the people also, but not as much. Like TV Tropes stated it:
"Won the War, Lost the Peace: Napoleon's fate in a nutshell. Among the French, because he was not French royalty, nor a voted representative of the people, his authority only came from his military battles and victories. His lack of genuine royal and republican conventions meant that none of his neighbours really wanted him in power since they never regarded him as more than a Corsican upstart. His constant warfare meant that France's economy had to extort high indemnities from its satellites stirring up resentment and his use of Conscription gradually took its toll. All the rest of Europe was doing during the brief peaces was biding their time, waiting for him to over-reach before they could try and restore the status quo that Napoleon was combating."
So it's not really words more than victories. It's the other way around. I swear, if I didn't know, I'd think you were talking about Hitler.
I think something's wrong about the "elected" part as well, but I'll have to do some more research on that before saying anything more.
As for the army that joined him rather than capture him: Napoleon's reformes were good. The royalists sought to annule them. That's why the people returned to Napoleon. At first, France was happy when Napoleon was defeated, since the constant war was finally over.
So, either you've got everything wrong, or you're making him a hyperbole of a character, exagerating everyting about him intentionately. Maybe you're trying to make a character similar to GIlgamesh. The problem is that, given the Nasuverse's rules, he can never be as strong as Gilgamesh since he is too young a heroic spirit. Then again, this is your fanfic, change the rules if you wish.
Bravery. Napoleon never charged with anyone. Not the infantry, not the cavalry. Very few generals did that. He wasn't that dumb. The risk outweighed the benefits.
Military Tactics A. This, ironically, should have been higher. Napoleon was a military genius, arguably better than Wellington.
The noble pahntasms are awesome thought.
I love the way you depicted the Grand Batteries :P
And while the myth about Napoleon being short is, well, just a myth, making it a noble phantasm and a part of his character is genius, as Heroic Spirits are defined by what people remember about them, not the truth! Not sure if you knew that, or just got lucky, but that was a spark of genius right there :D
| Guest chapter 7 . 1/28/2015
Great stats, please update your story 'Nerve Damage" as soon as possible.
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/9/2014
Amazing man, this is original and well thought out I love this, keep up the great work.
| Akuma-Heika chapter 7 . 2/10/2014
Saber in canon also qualified for Rider (assuming because of cavalry), Lancer (her lance was legendary as well and would qualify as a Noble Phantasm), and Berserker class (spell of Morgan(a) and the last battle). The fact you gave her the same Riding as Lily one you designated as a Rider capable is a little funny though.
So you remade Excalibur Morgan?
aestus seems enhanced
| Akuma-Heika chapter 5 . 2/10/2014
IF he became a god why is his Divinity only A (a demigod)? SHould it not be A triple plus for full divinity?
| Akuma-Heika chapter 2 . 2/10/2014
what is Shirou's mental pollution?
| Minuano chapter 2 . 9/4/2013
You know, in the Canon there were different alignments (Herakles as Berserker was Chaotic Insane).
Shouldn't Aabidah's alignment be "Lawful Stupid?" (really bad Paladin joke, I'm sorry)
Also, I'm totally using the general idea for these character sheets if/when I write a Fate/Series fic. So helpful.
| foxofninetails chapter 2 . 6/20/2013
Sasaki Kojiro is not unchanged from canon, Monohoshizao is unbreakable and he could win against Saber canon.
| foxofninetails chapter 7 . 5/16/2013
I do not think Sasaki Kojiro counts as unchanged. Monohoshizao is now much harder to break.
| Caladbolg chapter 7 . 1/21/2013
One of the actual definitions of a Reality Marble is, "The alien common sense of demons," that is, it is a manifest reality created by bringing one's heart/soul/mind/whatever into outward existence.
Since Nek'ilHi'tiyad'ril is a demon by definition, have you considered giving him a reality marble? Given his power and rank, it would seem odd if he did not have one; although perhaps his binding prevents him from using it. In any case, I would expect him to have some advice for Shirou on the issue.
| Guest chapter 6 . 1/2/2013
Harald Sigurdssonalso called Harald Hardrade, the king of Norway from 1047 to 1066. Harald defeated the army of king Sweyn II of Denmark. He also worked as a member of the Byzantine Empire’s elite mercenaries called Varangians before returning to Norway and becoming king. He was able to invade England in 1066 and was killed by Harold Godwinson’s forces. However Harold Godwinson was then killed by Harald Sigurdsson’s brother-in-law William the Bastard, who would later be called William the Conqueror. The last great Viking King.
Heimskringla: Lunar Power BookD-Bthe book that depicts his life, it turns him into a werewolf, it can only be activated at night and it’s power is based on the phases of the moon. Under this ability only is he able to activate his mad enchantment
Dromi: predecessor of GleipnrBanti-infantry A barbed wire chain as thick around as a man’s wrist, Harald uses it like a whip to beat enemies into submission or to simply cut them to ribbons. It’s full power can only be demonstrated by many long multiple hits. In an attempt to contain the wolf Fenrir, the gods created three chains. The second of the three, Dromi, nearly held the wolf god but broke at the last minute. It’s fragments were thrown away by the gods and found Harald in the frozen north.
Mad EnhancementD-Bonly able to activated while under Heimskringla.
Bound BerserkerCBerserkers are not always aloud to go crazy and fight without restraint. However, there are times when control brings better results then power. For those who have mastered this skill it means an advantage. When in combat and not under Mad Enhancement, one statistic is randomly selected and razed by the total amount that all skills would be under Mad Enhancement. For Harald Sigurdsson, this means anything from 2 to 4 ranks up on any stat depending on the phase of the moon.
| Guest chapter 7 . 1/2/2013
Nice. I don't know if you take other people's servants but try this.
Beowulfa man of monstrous strength that defeats the Grendel in unarmed combat before dieing while fighting a dragon. The hero of the Geats, a Viking clan from the far north. He is very proud of his abilities almost to the point of arrogance. While no humans are able to match his ability, his pride gets in the way of fight monsters and needs to be injured before he take anyone seriously. White hair, blue eyes and armor. While physically powerful and quick, he is rather unlucky.
Naegling: blade of the CosmosBanti-unitThe nailer, a sword given to Beowulf after the defeat of Grendal’s mother that was made of great strength. An ancient blade made in the time of Gilgamesh that has a 5% chance of cutting through anything that is makes contact with no exception.
Hrunting: the hound of the Red Plains CAnti-unitthe sword given to defeat Grendal’s mother, it never has fail the hand of the user. It automatically seeks out weak point in an enemy and strike them. While rater useless against monsters, it is highly effective against humans.
Sua: the dagger of the dragonslayerAanti-unitthe dragon that attacks Beowulf’s walled city and ended the great hero’s life. The dagger is coated in dragon’s blood that allows it to call forth dragonfire as a ranged attack.
Ability: Water ResistanceBall spells and noble phantasm that are below a B in rank do not effect Beowulf
Ability: Battle ContinuationBhe remains alive at all times unless hit by a blow that distinctly kills him
Ability: BraveryAhe cannot be inflected by outside influence and keeps fighting and when he is unarmed, his fighting abilities increase.
Ability: Mad EnhancementChe loses his ability to speak but gains strength to all peramiters except luck and mana.
| Thanathos chapter 2 . 12/23/2012
I find your NPs fascinating, and I appreciate the effort you go through. With your Assassins, I do have to note two things.
One, it might be more appropriate to change Simo's skill to Protection against Cold, rather than Protection against Ice. It is a more wide-spread field, and immunity against something solid seems odd. I mean, if someone throws a regular iceberg at him, he'll still have to dodge or be hit and shoved away by its physical force, even if it won't really hurt him, right?
Second, Aabidah' Ichor of Reverie. I see one problem with the way you described it, two actually. One, while Magic Circuits do create heat, heat alone does not guarantee a fire. Overworked Circuits, assuming they don't simply shatter and shred the magus, would cook the magus rather than cause spontaneous combustion. And two, several thousands times the prana the Circuits can handle? Where exactly is all that energy supposed to come from? Rin, with her Chrest, can channel 1000 units of prana. So to meet your condition, a few million units of prana would have to go through her. Not only would this much energy, when released, probably cause an explosion comparable to smaller tactical warheads, but that's probably dozens times the amount Assassin, or any other Servant for that matter, has. Again, where on earth does this much energy come from, how is it generated, and how does it get into the magi affected by Ichor of Reverie? It would have been better to make the process a chemical reaction, or maybe have it saturate the body through the lungs, then ignite everything when Assassin activates it.
Don't get me wrong, I do like your story, very much actually, I just have a fable/fetish for accuracy and realism when possible and appropriate.
| Drahcir4 chapter 6 . 11/30/2012
As Rider should not Sigurd have Grani as a Noble Phantasm?