|Reviews for Biggest Fan|
| LW12 chapter 2 . 5/29/2016
| Avid Reader chapter 2 . 4/25/2014
Okay, very late to this party, but wanted to write anyway (this will review both chapters). You write very well, and the picture you paint (especially that of Kensi dancing in chapter 1 - OMG will that be burned into my brain all day!) is vivid and easy to see in one's mind. You also do a very good job with keeping the characters' voices true, as well as their mannerisms. The change in temperature, both literal and figurative, from the wall of the club to outside was very realistic.
My only suggestion, and it's minor, would be to take care of the little details a bit more. For example, make sure Kensi turns off the earwig after she speaks to Callen/Sam. I thought for sure that at the end of this one of them would make some comment about not ever wanting to hear that. The shorts she was wearing - I doubt they would have been cutoffs, more likely lycra if she's pole dancing in that outfit. Also, when they left the club, Marty left his jacket, and Kensi left all of her stuff back in the dancer's dressing room. I know that they were very turned on, and that would get them out of the club, but one of them would probably have remembered those things once they were in the cool night air.
Like I said, these are really minor, but the devil is in the details.
I'll look for more of your stories. Hopefully you'll do more Densi.
| wisegirl71301 chapter 2 . 7/30/2013
AWESOME PLEASE CONTINUE
| CelestialNympho chapter 2 . 4/7/2013
This is so good! You got me speechless.
| Tony7323 chapter 2 . 12/13/2012
Pretty Good But mostly A Romantic FF ..
| AlWindy chapter 2 . 12/1/2012
Oh so good - wish there was more!
| superMartinha chapter 2 . 11/28/2012
| Black Rook chapter 2 . 11/28/2012
this was brilliant work, you managed to write a sex scene tastefully. the light humor made this whole story seem more believable and was a great way to counterpoint the romantic tones and the raw sexuality of the characters.
Frankly, I loved this story and would love to see you write an anthology of stories like these.
Amazing doesn't quite cut it, but stupendous sounds too half hearted, so let me say I am humbled before you mastery.
| jmlane1966 chapter 2 . 11/27/2012
So...uh...amazingly hot! Loved " hybrid whine whimper" "prettytastic" and the fact that the last thing he said to her was " smart ass." This was so funny and sweet and intense all rolled into one. Great storytelling, hope to read more of your work. Thanks for using your software 10 minutes a day to write and share. Good luck with your studies.
| Guest chapter 2 . 11/27/2012
| Somnium1 chapter 2 . 11/27/2012
Another awesome chapter. I love that they sobered a little on exiting the club but yet Kensi didn't back down. I also like how tentative they were in the car journey back to his. They were so hot and yet cute all at the same time and I liked how you still managed to throw some fun in there. Kensi the minx I liked too, nice to see her confident around Deeks. I know this was only a two shot but I really hope you'll find to write another Densi fic at some point.
| TamaraLDBrennan chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
LOVE IT! Go M
| jgomez921 chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
This was amazing! Loved the way you wrote it! I'm going to have to go with M rating :)
| TemporalBONES chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
So you're telling me that you're NOT an English major?! Well my heavens, you certainly would have fooled me. This is well written, I love the snappy dialogue and intense imagery :) I've got to be honest... How could I say no to an M-rated second chapter? Keep it up!
| Black Rook chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
T is fine but M might be less restrictive for your Story and would allow for more impact in your storytelling. that said use a feathered touch, nothing too explicit just use the raw sexual tension to entice us not crude or overly flowery sexual descriptions.
So far this is actually quite enjoyable if you choose to make it an M rated story Might I suggest a light M rating we don't need a night and day change in content just ramp it up a bit without going full on porn.