|Reviews for Cognitive Dissonance|
| Nickolaidas chapter 6 . 4/12/2014
Well, done with ch06. I must say I'm in a twilight zone where my disposition for this story is concerned. On one hand, story is original, most characters are true to canon and the characterization is really well done. On the other hand, I don't know why I am hating your main characters so much. I flat out detest your Gohan, his encounter with Frieza still being fresh in my memory, and your OC, Baden, is annoying me. Maybe because you portray him as a diabolical puppetmaster and I have yet to see him earning such a right. Considering he's a Cooler underling who goes from there to here, I cannot see how he knows about everything and everyone and is at the right time and place. For example, if he's short on time and does what he does between exterminations, how did he know the exact time goku would arrive on Argos and manage a trip there waiting for him? The thing about puppetmasters is that their plans need to look like masterstrokes, not just convenient plot points. Otherwise they fall flat. Perhaps everything will be ecplained later on, but I wouldn't hold my breath ... I must say that is my favourite character in cg so far, followed by Raditz. I must also stress out that my interest for this series decreased significantly after murdering all earthling characters ... and off screen to boot. All that doesn't mean that the series is bad, quite the opposite. And it was nice that Gohan is being taught to stop acting like a badass and remember he's like, four years old. Also, did his power level went to 3000 in regular mode or gohan smash mode?
| Nickolaidas chapter 5 . 4/9/2014
Not sure I like Gohan's defiance towards Frieza, considering he's an untrained toddler who just a few days ago was too shy to even say his name. What happened on earth, while awesome, now feels as a cheap way to throw Goku into space adventures.
Your characterizations are amazing, your narration is better than ever and your battle scenes are awesome. But your greatest weakness is the plot and it shows. There are tons of things that make no sense, or worse, are done only to advance the story by force.
Why exactly did Vegeta think that Goku would kill everyone on argos? He thought that just because goku wouldn't find gohan there, he would go on a killing spree? Did the saiyans really think that goku would kill a planet after clearly demonstrating that he is willing to live among humans for years?
How exactly did vegeta fail frieza? Why did frieza kept the saiyans alive since he despises them so much? How does baden know about goku? How does every single alien apparently know every saiyan by name - even a nobody like Raditz?
| Nickolaidas chapter 4 . 4/8/2014
Dude, you're fu*&ing nuts. :D
First off, We had a decent analysis on Raditz, in the vein of how low he is considered by virtually everyone in his platoon, especially his commanding officer and prince. Really puts into perspective the fact that Raditz is so cruel towards those weaker than him as a way to vent his frustration and inner demons.
Vegeta, as always, was a blast to read, and once again I must stress out how faithful to canon he is when you write him.
Now, the scene with Goku and Piccolo was basically your Red Wedding. Of course, this is Dragon Ball we're talking about so resurrection is always an option, although I'm really interested to see how things will turn out now that evil Ryu - er sorry, I meant evil Goku, will handle things from now on. Unless the heroes are resurrected, I see no reason for Goku to stay on Earth. Also makes you think how influential Gohan was to Piccolo's persona, since we see the full spectrum of his Demon King psyche going all out and killing everything which meant something to Goku, out of spite, vengeance or just plain malice.
Cons: Frieza. I thought I would read about a magnificent bastard, yet all I saw was a spoiled brat. Again, he is completely in canon bounds, but I wanted more. I expected him more sophisticated and intelligent. The whole 'let me close the doors so I can rape you both' teaser for the next chapter felt forced and immature for him. I expected him to verbally humiliate Gohan with the same ease as Vegeta, yet he snapped way too easily. Again, my personal opinion.
All in all, your best chapter so far. Really interested to see how things will move on from here.
| Nickolaidas chapter 3 . 4/3/2014
Finally finished the Deluge chapter. A mixed bag describes it best.
Pros: Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about writing Vegeta is gold. Never before have I seen such an accurate portrayal of the bastard, both in cunning and lack of constraint. You do something almost no other does - portray him as a berserker who can also become sadistically, viciously cunning. Kudos! Gohan is getting his wake up calls like a sheep hit on the head with a sledgehammer and it will be interesting to see how much he can take before he embraces the Dark Side of the Force ... The battle and the narrative between Vegeta and the leopard-cheetah queen was freakin' awesome and it was a blast to read.
Cons: I already wrote what I disliked about your writing concerning Baden - his changes happen in a way we're supposed to know what he is, but we don't. I needed at least a paragraph explaining the change in order to understand what was truly going on. Also I don't undertstand the whole need for a cover-up thing. Was this whole ghost-spirit thing necessary, instead of ... you know, reveal he was a Saiyan up front?
Nappa's death was horribly executed, and I'm sure you have got a lot of flack for that, but I'll do my part as well, nonetheless.
Why it didn't work: First and foremost, you have given Nappa no characterization at all, in the two previous chapters. As a result, the reader is forced to put canon Nappa in your Nappa's stead. And canon Nappa would do that, would say that, wouldn't use words like that.
One scene. That's all it would take. One scene with Nappa talking to Raditz about how he admits Vegeta and wants to protect him, or something like that ... and maybe not using such noble and delicate vocabulary. I'm not saying he should say something like "Zorry Bozz ..." but he shouldn't be speaking like a god damn paladin. Unless you had prepared us for such a development.
At any rate, the chapter was kick-ass and I'm happy to be delving deeper and deeper to the world of Cognitive Dissonance.
| Nickolaidas chapter 2 . 3/31/2014
Okay, so basically Goku is having wacky adventures while his son is gradually becoming a monster (at least, that's the initial impressions I get). I didn't really like the fact that Goku and Gohan took the spotlight and most other hero characters were forgotten, but if this a huge story as you claim it'll be, it's only natural to show characters one at a time.
What I liked: Your portrayal of the Saiyans is truly nice to read. Vegeta is a true bastard, a brutal and vicious killer who enjoys carnage as much as fighting. It's interesting to see to how great lengths he is willing to get in order to mold Gohan like clay - it's been a while since I read ch 01, but I don't think there was a reason to invade the feline planet other than to show Gohan some blood. Nappa is the same brute we all know (I guess his brutality will be shown in later chapters), while Raditz was portayed as something most fanfics do not even attempt to do so: A survivor. I REALLY liked the part where the story said that Raditz had to use his brain to prove his usefulness to his superiors, since he's basically a Saibaiman. Gohan's shock scenes were nice, especially the last one. What truly brings shivers to my spine, however, is Frieza. If Vegeta and co are so viciously portrayed in your story, I can only IMAGINE what Frieza will be in Cognitive Dissonance.
What I didn't like: Goku's adventures feel ... weird. For a guy who had his son kidnapped, he sure is acting too carefree about it. Also I don't understand where this 'spirit' came from, or what exactly is going on with it. The 'character' literally popped out of nowhere, and it felt really weird. And the way Goku reacted as if it was nothing made me second-guess whether it's a real entity or entirely on Goku's head. I was buffled at the fact the spirit immediately realized who Goku was, his race, his abilities, etc.
What felt weird: Your writing, in general, is truly top notch, to the point that some paragraphs I had to read twice because of advanced use of the English language. However, there are some things that stood out to me: A) EXPRESSIONS. The spirit in one instance says "Christ, this is going to be a long day ..." it is truly immersion breaking to have such expressions used by characters, especially when they involve historical and religious figures aliens have no knowledge about. B) REFERENCES. There is a point where you say "It would even make Android 16 sweatdrop". It's truly weird to use a reference about a character who has eons before appearing in your story. It creates a sense of meta-thinking which again, is immersion breaking. C) SO MUCH SWEAT. You had two-three occasions where you are describing an anime sweatdrop effect from a character. I understand you wish to give visual clues and create a parallel with the anime itself, but to me it feels just plain weird. I don't think that a written story needs such anime visual cues. My opinion anyway.
Well, that's all for ch02. It had promise and good characterization, especially on the Evil Saiyan side. Will definitely read more!
| Nickolaidas chapter 1 . 1/12/2014
Holy crap. What an amazing way to deviate from canon! What an awesome characterization! Nothing but praise for the first chapter of this story (and I'm really sad now to know it's no longer your highest priority).
First of all, the writing is top-notch. The way the characters think and interact is truly a delight to read (I especially like your writing of Vegeta, gives him so much gravity). So many characterization possibilities - Raditz being in the bottom of the food chain DESPITE the newest member being an untrained 5-year old, Goku being shipped to a totally non-relevant to Gohan planet, Piccolo and Krillin having a stand-off of sorts ... the possibilities are endless.
Goku's arc is the least I'm looking forward to (I find the Humans/Piccolo and Saiyan ones far more interesting), although I suspect this will change once the OC - which I suspect will be on Goku's arc - will appear.
To sum up, the story is written in a way that definitely makes the reader to read more. I strongly suggest you drop epiphany and focus on this one. A, Phoenix!
| FinalFlashX chapter 21 . 11/7/2013
Man, I am like the absolute worst at reviewing right now! Well, this is my attempt to get back into the swing of things and get all the way caught up. So let's go ahead and get started!
To be honest, I'm actually kind of disappointed with how the conclusion of the Baden vs. Vegeta fight played out. I mean, how can Baden be so powerful that in his base form he is just leagues about Great Ape Vegeta who has been experimented on by Dr. Myuu to become even stronger? Like, I understood why as a Great Ape Baden was so much stronger than Vegeta, because you've established that Baden is a lot stronger than Vegeta when you compare their base forms to each other. But it's hard to believe that the gap in the power between them is so great that even as a Super-enhanced Great Ape, Vegeta is still a couple of levels beneath Baden? That's just a hard pill to swallow. I think you would have better been served if Vegeta was actually the stronger combatant and Baden was able to goad Vegeta into making mistakes in combat similar to what Cell did to him in canon. I think that would have been a better way to go about this fight than just, "Oh, Baden's just so much stronger that Vegeta can't even hurt/touch him." And I thought that Dr. Myuu had transformed Vegeta using something other than the moon, so why would destroying the moon cause him to de-transform?
To start off the second scene, I noticed a mistype. In the third paragraph, you have a scene where it says that "Raditz reacted fact...", obviously you meant "fast". Just thought I would point that out real quick so you could go back and fix that. As for the scene itself, oh man, it was great! Everything one could hope for from a climatic conclusion to such a great fight, and I really thought this was a great way to end the "Earth Saga" as it's been dubbed by us readers. Everyone got their turns to shine and help out in the fight, the characterization for both Turles and Raditz was once again excellent, and THAT ENDING! Oh man was it good! The conclusion to this fight was everything I was hoping for and more! The pacing was great, the action described beautifully, HOW the villain was defeated was amazing, just an overall outstanding fight chapter. Oh and I sure do hope someone picks up that phone because I F*CKING CALLED IT! It will be interesting to see what now happens that yet another mad scientist has shown up, and I really hope that the rest of my prediction considering him comes true!
The scene from Spiesen's point of view was extremely well-written. It really allowed for the reader to sort of get an emotional attachment for the character and allow them to feel sympathy for this character even though he is about to perish. The main reason why I myself cared about this scene is that even though Spiesen dies at the end, the impact of it will no doubt have an effect on Erinnern and Merken, who it seems are clear to have important roles later on in the story, so it's important to sort of know the motivation that will probably drive them later on when they eventually go back up against Frieza. Speaking of the tryant, I thought you did an excellent job with his character as well. Great job overall on this scene and oh, looks like Goku is on Yardrat now. Seems like he'll be learning the Instant Transmission technique soon. Can't wait to see how he plays into the rest of the story as we move into the Second Arc of Cognitive Dissonance!
| LucifVegeta chapter 22 . 10/21/2013
I apologize in advance, but this review won't be very long. I NEED to catch up on the stories I promised I would catch up on, and I fear that my long reviews have been the reason I have been so hesitant to review. After I get caught up I will most likely return to my usual length, but for now this will have to suffice.
The Gero season was very well done. I really enjoyed the description of his movements in the first few paragraphs as it made him seem inhuman, which is exactly what he is-a monster. I liked the look into his psyche as well, as he is usually made out to be just a crazy old man, but there is definitely motivation in that head of his.
I think the Pui Pui scene may have been my favorite; either that or the Yardrat scene. Pui Pui's relationships were very interesting, and his characterization is unmatched on the site-quite frankly, it is the best Pui Pui by a HUGE margin. I find it intriguing how he uses "nationalism" to validate his ventures, when in reality his motivations are led by his own personal...ism, if I can call it that XD. It's almost like he sees himself as the symbol of Zoon, so when it was destroyed, he took it quite personally, not even caring about the people that died.
It was enjoyable to read about the legal system and how Goku's... idiocy... brought such an issue. I am intrigued to say the least to see how the procession turns out, and if he will be contained, because Goku is probably the strongest person on the planet... although there could be some Yardat warriors who are stronger.
The Saiyan scene was good, and I liked how shit finally hit the fan with them. There are a LOT of issues to be addressed, so we'll see how that turns out. The witty banter as well as Erinnern's breakdown were well-written and perfectly paced, so good job on that.
| Ultimate Black Ace chapter 11 . 9/27/2013
Your interpretation of Frieza and his part of the empire seems to have elements of the Dark Ages and/or early Renaissance. If it doesn't follow the status quo completely, it dies. Simply as that... Makes one wonder how long his empire would last. Seeing as how far behind he is in everything, not all too long. The only strength he has is power, but power is not the solution to all things.
700,000? That's the power of the last bullet? That should have killed Frieza, or at least done severe damage. Frieza is only in his first form, which has a powerlevel of 530,000. Of course, he did have time to start a defense and Ki manipulation does seem to be his specialty. Must have been some defense if an incomplete version was such effective protection.
Erinnern definitely excels at putting up a confident front and cool head. Frieza seems to have the advantage in power for sure, however he's doing a great job at evasion as well as hit and run tactics.
A supersonic signature attack. Very unique, very clever, and very well received by me. That move would be the source of an outright slaughter on Namek. And the only reason why his allies survived was the helmets. That means that having a presumably comparable powerlevel might not be an effective defense. Oh my.
That power thirst of the general will be the end of either Putzen or his allies. His fascination makes him very Machiavellian, but can be the end of him the moment that his power is not enough for a given situation. No one will care to save him unless it benefits them.
yardratians? YARDRATIANS!? How could teleporters have been captured!? For that matter, will anyone be learning their techniques?
Doubling his power
Myuu... The guy from Gt. It's all coming back. He'd never let Vegeta survive if given the opportunity, barring massive changes to his character. And if there's GT... Blutz Wave beam is the most likely way for Vegeta to transform.
| Jason9000 chapter 22 . 9/25/2013
Interesting chapter. Goku is being put on trial by the people of Yardrat, Frieza is pissed beyond belief, and Baden has to go back to Cooler. I'm guessing once he hears of this, Cooler will be questioning what Baden did in his time off. Also Cooler might use this to go in and take some of Frieza's territory. It'll be interesting to see what happens next.
| WalkersCrown chapter 5 . 9/24/2013
Wow this is certainly different... different indeed! I aint so sure what to do with this fic... so i have question will this have any kind of pairing it it or will it be a fic filled with drab darkness this sucks tall the usual fun out of a DBZ fic for me? Let me say however, that your writing ability is of the charts even though i don't like this kind of fic that fact that everything is so well written keeps me reading!
| Guest chapter 22 . 9/24/2013
| Tamerlane chapter 2 . 9/5/2013
Every day, the front page of dragon ball fanfiction is filled with gramatically incorrect, factually innacurate, implausable, and more or less terible pieces of writing. This has given me faith back into the authors of this website. Your word choice and vocabulary is rich and varied. I like the character portrayals of all your characters, espically Piccolo's mix of Sadism and Tactical thinking, Goku's mix of idiocy and cunning, as well as Gohan's role as the reluctant villian. The storyline isn't the most original or creative ones, but your fanfiction makes up for it with it's incredible execution. 9.75 out of 10.
| Supersaiyaninfinitygohan chapter 22 . 9/4/2013
I think I liked this chapter a lot. A good pace, good introductions and the story feels like its going a bit more smoothly as a whole.
Also, I'm glad we FINALLY get more precise details on the Saiyans.
| FinalFlashX chapter 20 . 9/4/2013
Hey there Phoenix, sorry for taking so long with getting around to reviewing this chapter, but starting up college took a little more of my time than I initially thought. Let's jump right into then.
This short, opening scene with Gohan was pretty good. I thought you did a good job of accurately showing Gohan's frustration at his inability to save himself, his perceived failures of not matching up to his lofty expectations that he's set for his father, and his thoughts on his most recent guardians/protectors. I thought it was interesting that Gohan was really attached to either of Baden or Vegeta at this point, at least to the point he would want to go help them in a fight, since he hasn't really know either of them that long. Nice little opener to the chapter.
Nice little wrap up scene here for the majority of the cast for the Ship Invasion Arc of the story. Pui Pui vs. Erinnern was pretty interesting to see, and I think you do a good job of showing the effects that fatigue have on battles. It's important to remember that they've all been running around fighting for about 10 chapters now, so it was nice to see that having effects on current events. Pui Pui's still alive, so that's a bonus and now Putzen has guided all of the Saiyans except for Spiensen out of the hellhole and they've completed their mission. I enjoyed the self-reflection by Saiyan gang about what was the whole purpose of this mission and how Baden would have to explain himself for putting them in so much danger for such a vague objective. I thought it was a nice response to some of the criticism you took on that point to sort of suggest that not even the Saiyan Gang themselves knew what they were doing their. That's how a lot of soldiers operate though.
I enjoyed the continuation of the Vegeta vs. Baden Great Ape fight, and Vegeta's continued thoughts of ineptitude concerning his own strength compared to that of Baden's. I did find it a bit weird how you described Vegeta's face being transfigured into some sort of plump, since he's in Great Ape form and Vegeta's actual physical features can't really be distinguished in that form. It was a nice touch to have Gohan (MAIN CHARACTER SIGHTING!) make an appearance and actually put a halt to Baden's rampage. Classic Vegeta taking an opening created by his opponent beginning careless and exploiting it. Nice work there.
I absolutely loved the back and forth between Turles and Dr. Wheelo during the fight here. I thought using all of the dialogue between the two was a great way of showing just how intelligent, composed, and clever the two are, not really ever falling for the baiting tactics that some of the more inexperienced warriors like Erinnern were earlier in the chapter. It was a nice contrast in my opinion. Raditz jumping in to save the day at the end was well done also, and I thought it was good reflect of how far he's come as a character in the last dozen chapters or so. Great job with this chapter Phoenix, and I can't wait to read the climax of this Preliminary Arc of CD!