|Reviews for University Issues|
| Kakarot Son chapter 2 . 12/5/2014
Since I reviewed the first chap already, I'll just quickly go over my thoughts after reading that before moving onto this in more depth. It was good but the amount of detail was very inconsistent. Sometimes you'd barely cover certain things in any detail, others I'd be bored to death with two lengthy paragraphs of detail.
Onto chap 2:
Small typos and all that aside (which I won't bother pointing out unless you want me to), this is fairly promising. The amount of detail felt a lot more consistent than the previous chapter and it didn't seem to go on and on nearly as much. I do feel that occasionally there's a run-on sentence or two which hampers the flow of the story.
'"Haha... every time I say that what I really mean if something's wrong. Perhaps old memories?"' I didn't really get what you meant by that line or how it was different to Angela's previous one, it looks like you missed a word somewhere.
Isn't a little weird for Gohan to be judging whether or not Angela has potential as a best friend? I also don't really get why Gohan decides to just be friends with Angela given that he's admitted a bunch of times that he finds her attractive (i.e. that she has a nice butt). Seems a little odd that he'd turn her down if he's come to college to chase girls.
Words like 'nonsensical' and 'rambunctious' feel out of place. Perhaps they'd be better suited in a smart character's dialogue or something than thrown into either Sharpner or Erasa's thoughts as they don't seem to be the kinds of people who would talk in that manner. Another example would be the following 'He also decided to talk it over with Gohan at some point in the near future. If the two decided that it was a worthwhile expenditure then, logically, they would need a dealer to supply, right?' where Sharpner contemplating smoking plot feels convoluted.
Sharpner collapsing was a little surprising, perhaps I might have expected it if you'd made a bigger point about him downing a lot of drinks, but still believable.
Some parts feel a little generic/confusing and could be explained better. For example: 'Maybe having a friend as splendid as Gohan would cure her of her curse; every single guy she'd ever been with had used her, basically. She accepted it at the time, but now wanted a kind and sweet guy, like Gohan, for instance.' They do a good job of warranting explanation though.
Angela and Erasa sure seem to refer to Gohan and Sharpner as kids a lot. Maybe consider using that word sparingly.
I suppose if I had to offer one criticism about the story so far, it's that it feels kind of plotless. Given that all that's really happened so far has been one party, I'll hold my judgement on that for a while. What you've got planned for Hercule could be... interesting, I didn't expect him to be a judge. I like how you've handled the small details like Goku being behind bars and all that. It really helps to build the world up.
But yeah, the writing quality's been pretty good. It's just the content that's not yet struck a chord with me. Hopefully that'll change next chapter.
| gue22 chapter 6 . 4/11/2014
Mostly, I'm happy for Krilin and Sharpie in this story. So far, they seem to be the ones who have their shit together. Well, it appears so in any case. I'm having trouble understanding Gohan - still at this point. He hates Hercule for the way he handled his father's sentencing, yet he - at least appears to - hate his father as well. So if his father is really such a bad guy in his books, then why does he hate the judge that put him away in a place? Seems to me there is a lot I'm missing in that whole scenario and I can't wait until it all comes to light!
Since mostly, the GohanxVidel aspect of the story is only just beginning, my curiosity is fixed on the situation with Gohan's father. A lot of who he has become seems to be pivoting around that fact anyway. So I'm dying, dying, dying to know ALL the details and hopefully all those details will help me understand our young man more.
But O-O things have barely begun between them and now Gohan KNOWS. Well, I assume he's going to assume that it is her. Unless there are so many Videl's around? Doubt it.
I feel bad for Videl :( She just confessed that she's ready to test the boyfriend waters and BAM Krilin just had to come along and ruin her fun. Well, I might be jumping the gun here in assuming that Gohan is going to get a little jack frost on her after the revelation. But maybe I'm being unfair to the guy. lol. Maybe he'll be a lot more reasonable than I give him credit for. Well, I hope he'll be a lot more reasonable than I give him credit for. But he does give off the vibe of a downer - not wanting to get involved with someone because he thinks that his parental situation is about to explode? Strikes me as a downer kind of thing.
But I'm rambling now, as if ussually the case with my reviews xD
I WANT to see that visit with his father so I hope it's coming up next chappie? Let's see if we can make it happen.
| 2 Lazy 2 Login chapter 6 . 3/3/2014
I appologize about the mix up. That last review was meant for another fic. Got mixed up with all the fics on this site. Anyways, onto your review!
I actually find this fic a very deep and stintulating story. Im not sure where its going, but with so few talented writers on this site, and you showing that you are one of them, im excited to be along for the ride. Please update soon and often
| 2 Lazy 2 Login chapter 6 . 3/1/2014
Great to have you back! Liked the chapter, but it feels really repetitive. Last chapter ended with a big cliffhanger. "O look everything seems to be ok. They can be together now. Cant wait for the next chapter to see what they do now that there are no obstacles." But then we get the same obstacle they had at the end of the last chapter, but in reverse. Enjoyed the fluff parts of this chapter, but all in all, it felt like the written equivilent of a filler episode, and its kinda dissapointing that the first chapter after an extended break was one. Hope you have something exciting planned for Videl's trip, but then again, your writting has be extremely good, so ill take it on faith that you do. Your level of writting deserves that much at the very least. Please, please, PLEASE, update soon and often. And good luck with your muse situation. (Youve probably read some of my other reviews of this story, so you know ive been following it from the begining. Sorry if this review seems like a negative one. Was just giving my honest oppinion)
| Guest chapter 6 . 3/1/2014
HOLY CRAP I wonder how Gohan is going to respond when he sees Videl again? This is a great story and hope to see the next part soon :) keep up the good work.
| serena'darien1613 chapter 1 . 5/27/2013
Wow that was really good. I did see some random spelling errors, but it was like one missing letter. totally not a big deal. This was a great way to start off a story that could last a good while.
| Stellae Micantes chapter 2 . 5/11/2013
Okay, so, the cameos. They all made me laugh, especially Kaleb's. What a lovely, stereotypical way of describing a Dutch person :p
Gohan drinking, hehe. I think I like this Angela more than the Angela in the series, she was kinda annoying in my opinion. Too clingy or something. Same goes for Sharpner, this one's more likeable, but I think I already mentioned that in my previous review. I usually don't like total OOC-ness, but you've only made rather subtle changes in the maincharacters thusfar, which is just fine. You've given hints of Gohan's dad not being so pure-hearted as the Goku we're familiar with though. I'm curious as to why and how and stuff.
Oh, and I still don't get how beer pong works, but that's most probably just because of my noob-ness.
| videlll chapter 5 . 5/9/2013
Ohohoho, this is getting good! I'm absolutely hooked, DarkVoid, absolutely hooked. Everything about Erasa and Sharpner is adorable, I love how you portray them. As much as I love Gohan and Videl, I can't help feeling bad for Angela. ;-; I do hope you pair her up with someone else at some point in time.
As for Gohan and Videl, I was hoping for a bit more interaction between the two! However, this has added even more suspense to it all, to me, so I applaud you for that. :) Update soon or else I'll...I'll... I'll do something okay just update soon ;-;
| videlll chapter 4 . 5/9/2013
GOHAN AND VIDEL MET YEYYYYYYY
Okay, had to let that out of my system first. xD
Lovedlovedlovedddd this chapter! I really enjoy the fact that all the characters in this chapter were so believable. I'm a big fan of dialogue, and I feel like this chapter had the right amount of both detail and dialogue, which kept me hanging off of every word, wanting to read more, ya know? :)
I lol'd pretty hard at the thing with Trunks being cautious on entering the room. xD
I think the only thing that threw me off was the ton of description when it came to Sharpner, Gohan, and Angela picking out their food. I dunno. But other than that, flawless chapter.
| gue22 chapter 5 . 5/7/2013
Did I say this already? I really love the Sharpener and Erasa part of the story. I continue to like what you have done with his character here. I still feel bad for Angela as well, my feelings havent changed on that issue - even with the introduction of Videl. I hope she meets someone, or hangs out with other ppl coz otherwise it will just be sad for me to watch her pining after Gohan to no avail.
WHich brings me to dear Gohan and Videl XD My GOD! Videl has no shame at all right? I mean let's be honest here, she practically accosted poor Angela with her 20 questions, making herself so obvious! I was just killing myself, going 'Videl, Videl, Videl' don't be so OBVIOUS! lolololololol
I'm gonna have to side with Angela on this one - she had every right to be upset. *sigh* I wanted more out of the Gohan and Videl interaction in this chapter, and dont know the how or the what exactly, but i felt that there should have been more...something, idk
the best was Master Roshi: "What could he say? He was a man of impeccable taste who loved his colorful outfits and dress shoes." lolololololol I really laughed at that. really, it was great. it was a great scene with him. really enjoyed the way you brought him into this.
I wont even mention the thing that's still grating at me right? hopefully I'll get to see some developments in that area soon.
Oh, and if I havent said it already - Yes Krilin you are a very, very bad friend. How can you not know that your friend has been in prison for years and years?! shame on you!
| Son Goshen chapter 5 . 5/5/2013
... I was heavily disappointed in the beginning when you started off with Sharpner instead. But then I got my Gh/Vi, so I'm happy. It's sooooooooooooooo cute how Gohan was completely mesmerized by Videl! So cute. X3 Somehow I can't wait for their relationship to develop already. I'm so impatient. TT
And lollllllllll! Master Roshi! I couldn't figure out who he was at first till it said Professor Kame, haha. And the plot's getting interesting. This entire Goku-in-prison thing is really striking me as extremely odd. e_e
Write more, please!
| boboleta chapter 5 . 5/4/2013
Oh! Gohan likes her too! :D YEY!
And the way you've made 18 so 'androidy' without her being one, and Master Roshi with the turtle... very good, sir. :D
I can't wait to find out what really happened with Goku... Insanity exemption? :O
I have to admit A/Us are not really my thing but you really got me hooked and wanting to know more. Keep up the good work!
P.S.: Thank you for mentioning my fic. :D
| boboleta chapter 4 . 5/4/2013
YEEEY, they've met!
It looks like Videl is already interested in Gohan. At least physically. Which is AWESOME! :D
I really like the realism in this story and can't wait for more! Update soon!
| boboleta chapter 3 . 5/4/2013
The whole Hercule as a big time judge and Goku in prision is really interesting! I can't wait to know what happens when Goku gets out!
Even though the characters are completely different you've managed to stay true to their personalities and that's what makes the story me! :D
| boboleta chapter 2 . 5/4/2013
Oh, thank God, it's Erasa! :D I could just see the DRAMAAAAA :D
Really nice chapter. I really like your Sharpner. Normally people make him out to be this no good, pretentious jock but I think that, given the opportunity he and Gohan would really be good friends as you portray them.
Can't wait for Videl to walk into the story!