|Reviews for The 14th devil messanger|
| Anon-o-non chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
It's a little fast-paced, but you're doing okay so far. I kind of wanna ask a few things though, sense they're kind of glaring me in the face here. I guess first of all, why have the language barrier problem when it's just quickly fixed by Fumi, anyway? Second, why were Fumi, Yamato, and Hiro out and around anyway? They said evacuation help, but Yamato and Fumi are the least likely to do a job like that, especially considering that most of the JP's demon messengers never really did a job like that. They just fought demons and stopped riots for the most part. (Which reminds me, if the rest of the messengers were sitting at base, why didn't they go help?)
Third, why would they suddenly choose Crimson to take back to JP's and make a demon tamer? It's a really random thing to do, especially seeing as they didn't know if she would be able to use Nicaea (it takes a certain amount of spiritual power, I think), if she'd be willing to do it (Yamato expresses reluctance in even letting Hiro and crew join and Hinako is only let in because she asked, already had demons, was obviously capable and willing to do it for to help people as she showed Hiro and co, and they just needed the extra hand), or if she was strong enough (she's yet to fight a demon or prove she has the strength to survive the fight to make a contract because the demons kill most people, why choose her, a random civilian that yelled at them when they tried to help?)
Fourth, how did she survive three days of the disaster without knowing that demons exist and that Japan is slowly starving to death? The riots had already broken out by then, why didn't she at least notice that? Or get attacked by demons? It's really unlikely sounding that she was just able to avoid demons and find food the whole time without any trouble. If she wasn't able to, why did she ask?
Otherwise, you're doing relatively fine. Just some things you might want to keep in mind as you write your next chapter. I'll be reading