|Reviews for In The Past|
| YellowWomanontheBrink chapter 4 . 12/8/2013
Two chapters! Girl goes on a hiatus and still manages to update better than me. :P
! Well written, and for some reasons, there were fewer errors in this chapterthan the last one.
On your continuity though, you might want to mention when the chapter is a flashback to when Luna was first made. Just a little label on the chapter (our even the chapter title) stating maybe ”X Years Ago” makes the timeline so much easier to distinguish.
Unless this was written as a series of Oneshot s. Then you can disregard that. _
I love Gaku. 3
On a plot related note,.
WHY THE FUCK DID ICHIRO STAB HER?
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
| YellowWomanontheBrink chapter 3 . 12/8/2013
I checked my email and I was like, 'what isthis? Lisa updated?'
This was a good follow up to the third chapter, and I'm so happy you updated! I thought you might've abandoned this fic; I would've been so disappointed.
Good things first: I like your characters a lot, a few grammar discrepancies (mostly in making your subject and verbs agree and keeping words in the same tense), it's well written.
Something you might want to mention though, is the programming failure-she was programmed to be a girlfriend and ended up being a sister. _
Good chapter overall; I'm gonna go read chapter 4!
| Kira Tsumi chapter 4 . 12/8/2013
I missed this story so much! please continue! hope you do something that at least knows night and that girl who bought night before he shut down maybe around the time the girl who bought night first met gaku but Luna is his girlfriend when he meets with the girl who bought night (a lot of that because I forgot the girls actual name)
| Edhla chapter 1 . 5/3/2013
I'm not familiar with canon so I can't comment on characterisation or your world-building, but I enjoyed this. Some of your descriptions are excellent, though there were a few sentences, particularly toward the end, that came out as slightly robotic/awkward-sounding. Thank you for writing x
| YellowWomanonthe chapter 2 . 1/14/2013
Brink. Once more, unable to log in. :.(
Anyway, so far so good. I'm on a phone, so this review will be pretty short X(
Is it funny that when you were taking about electrical lines going up her body made me think about the little blue nanite lines from gen. Rex? :)
Wouldn't it be sensible if there was a lot of blood when his mother died? Nowadays, if women were to die in pregnancy, the process would be something along these lines:
1) Long, long labor. Like, really long. If a mother it's experiencing extreme pain she y request an epidural, which is really strong painkillers in your vag. Iflabor caries on for longer than 36 hours, there will be a cesarean section.
2) After intense labor pains (if there are any, and it doesn't have to be immediate) e expect a difficult birth- there may be complications.
3) Following that would be hemorrhaging, as in the mother is bleeding too much to stop, either from surgery or internal crap.
That's all, think.
| Kira Tsumi chapter 2 . 1/12/2013
LOVVVVVVE IT! cant wait for more!
| Kira Tsumi chapter 1 . 1/6/2013
please continue! i love this story!