Reviews for The Beginning
Jonathan Is Epic chapter 2 . 2/21/2014
No need to hate on us "That's cool" people.
Jesie chapter 1 . 9/28/2013
I think that would be awesome come on write please
Jessie chapter 4 . 9/22/2013
keep writing I like it and this time well thera mind just keep writing and ill have a surprize for you!
SAINTSROWLOVER chapter 4 . 7/25/2013
I DUNNO IF YOUR A GIRL OR A BOY BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO FINISH THIS SHIT I AM ALREADY PUMPED UP FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER! OH FUCK YEAH, DEX IS GONNA GET HIS ASS WHOOPED! :D
bridgedweller chapter 4 . 3/7/2013
Honestly, this is pretty terrible. Your chapters are short and poorly-written, your original characters are ridiculous, and all your canon characters are incredibly out of character. It's gross that Johnny and Dex are meant to be fighting over the affections of a kid, too.
SaintsRow4Ever chapter 4 . 2/22/2013
I really enjoyed this chapter, great use of description in it! :) So far I love the plot line, with Natasha being in it and everything. I really admire how you're putting your own spin on it, I am too with my Life After Death story, it's cool putting things your way, isn't it?

As I said, really lovely descriptions every now and then which added to the detail, I liked that a lot, keep trying to add more and more! :) I liked the last line, I can see a bit of rivalry beginning to spark. Oh no! Haha, :D I loved your dialogue, it was used really well, keep that up. I love this tory! It's getting really good and I can see future chapters only getting better, well done, you've improved loads! :D
Angel of BlackFrost chapter 2 . 12/10/2012
3
Vergaux M.I.A chapter 2 . 12/7/2012
Not bad dude!
SaintsRow4Ever chapter 2 . 12/3/2012
You're improving with every chapter! :)

The opening was very good, and there were some nice descriptions in this chapter. Natasha's personality is developing great, I can see what kind of character she's becoming. :)

I liked the ending, it made me laugh. You're doing really well with adding some quick parts that weren't in the game, it's really affecting the story and making it way more exciting than it already is. :)

Just try and add a bit of descriptions for characters, like their eye colour, hair, you know what I mean. :)

So far you're doing really well, and you've defiantly improved since the first chapter! :) Keep up the good work and stay strong! :)
SaintsRow4Ever chapter 1 . 11/23/2012
I felt it was kind of rushed. I mean there is a lot of 'tell' and no 'show'. So I agree with HeartWritingM.

Though I really did enjoy it, Nat is a really good OC. But to be honest I can't see Nat really in the story, I mean she can't exactly come to Gang shootout?

But overall its really good, I enjoyed it and I liked how you mixed it up
Angel of BlackFrost chapter 1 . 11/22/2012
I like that you will be doing Dex and Johnny fighting over continue!
HeartWritingM chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
Honestly, I think it's a little sketchy. I guess the fight between the other three gangs isn't *super* important, but this felt a bit rushed. You clearly have writing ability and can make coherent thoughts, so that's a good sign, it just doesn't seem it was utilized to it's fullest.

As cliched as it sounds, there just was not a lot of 'show' going on, and a whole bunch of 'tell' (which is kind of boring). I've always thought a set of siblings in the beginning could be interesting (I almost wrote a 'twin Boss' lol), so by all means, continue.
Vergaux M.I.A chapter 1 . 11/20/2012
Awww...

Butterflymist, you grew up so fast!
I loved this, who's POV is this?