|Reviews for Champions of the Founders|
| lucariosgirl22 chapter 15 . 5/13
this was awesome. i hope you make more stories like this.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 15 . 5/4
Hmm. So while this hasn't been exactly the best story I've read, it still had its highlights and the fact that you saw it through to the end showed dedication to the story. I know this story was finished quite some time ago, but in the interest of feedback, I'll jot down some of my thoughts throughout the story here. Take it or leave it, it's your choice after all.
As I had mentioned before, the into feels very sudden. Looking back on it, it would've been nice to have a bit more introduction as to how and why the founders' ghosts suddenly appeared. Their presence seemed a bit forced and even a small intro chapter might've helped explain their presence. Additionally, Harry's various interactions with side characters could've been expanded on prior to the appearance of the founders (in particular the librarian, who was mentioned to be close to Harry).
The next issue was consistency. Occasionally as I was reading, I would pause and go back to an earlier chapter because various statements didn't seem to add up. Most notably was the attack on Susan and Draco. The four students involved in that attack were initially stated to be expelled, then in the next chapter it was stated that they would be held back a year, and finally in one of the ending chapters (second to last?) Crabbe and Goyle went back to bring expelled. Keeping good track of your side characters and where they currently are in the plot would help avoid these problems. (Managing side characters is tough, especially since seeing them aside and forgetting about them is much easier.)
The plot occasionally felt a bit too contrived. Some of my questions included the following: Why was the government so willing to cater to the demands of an ex-con (Sirius), more importantly why would they even consider making him minister? What were the DEs doing all this time and why weren't they playing a more active role in terrorizing the community? Why didn't Dumbles have a backup plan or three? And most recently on my mind, why did Molly get community service while her kids were sentenced to death?
Overall, there was a distinct lack of tension in the plot as all Harry and friends ended up doing was training and becoming overpowered. Even for what was essentially a Super!Harry-esque story, it seemed like the enemies weren't really trying at all. The antagonists were all largely declawed in the first couple chapters and the protagonists spent the rest of the story steamrolling over any opposition. This could be fixed by more carefully distributing the balance of the story, with the opposition having some kind of improvement that the protagonists have to use their newfound powers to overcome.
Final point, I promise. For your future works, try to flesh out developing relationships. There was a chance to inspect Harry's mentality after years of abuse (revealed briefly in the last chapter) and how Luna wormed her way into his trust. Rather, they sorta hit it off real quick and it became taken for granted that they were in an essentially perfect relationship. (Same thing happened with Susan and Draco). Slowing down these developments would make the characters feel more human and their interactions less scripted.
I hope some of that is useful for you. If you've already addressed those issues, you can laugh at me and call me an idiot for wasting the last twenty or so minutes writing all this. Good luck with your future works all the same.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 11 . 5/3
Some parts of this chapter were honestly quite amusing. I like the idea of taunting Voldie through the walls and using their control of the castle to their advantage. One thing I didn't particularly like was the fact that not once, but twice did they take out clearly dangerous enemies and, instead of disarming them (as any trained law enforcement would do) they celebrated and allowed the enemy to regain consciousness and put everyone in danger. The fact that it happened twice made it seem like you only did it to force Harry and Susan to kill. If that was actually the intent, more subtilty would've made for some tense moments. As it stands, it seems a bit scripted.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 10 . 5/3
Personally I think the punishments for both children are a bit on the harsh side if only because of their status as minors... Though this is an interesting debate since the magical version of jail is nothing short of hell on earth. The question becomes which is the greater mercy, in which case given only jail or death, death might be preferred. It would've been interesting to see a third option punishment for the children.
| John Blake chapter 13 . 4/30
I liked the way how the Lestranges and Carrow twins were disposed of by the
vampires without harming the students. I wonder what will happen next
| Peter Lewis chapter 12 . 4/30
I really LOVE this story, and what makes it special in my eyes, is not only do
Godric, Helga, Rowena and Salazar reclaim Hogwarts, they are also teaching at
the school certain subjects I'm certain Albus Dumbledore would never have taught
the students of Hogwarts-like you can cast spells with Godric's sword. I wonder
what Dumbledore's ultimate punishment will be?
| Stevrn Thipps chapter 11 . 4/29
I really love this story. Not only do the Founders of Hogwarts make fine teachers,
but I love the pairing of Harry Potter and Luna Lovegood. You may be wondering
why, so I'll tell you. Both enjoy Quidditch, and both can see Thestrals.
| John Conqueror chapter 9 . 4/28
I never did trust Ronald Weasley, with his immature temper tantrums, and
"All Slytherins Are Evil!" rant. Really? Have you forgotten Horace Slughorn,
and his "Slug Club"? He was a Slytherin,. and a very pleasant one,. too! Hermione certainly thought so!
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 6 . 4/30
The thing I find strangest about the story progression so far is the inexplicable jumps in character development. Snape went from absolutely hating Harry, to grudgingly helping, to practically friend and confidant in the span of a few scenes. It's a bit unnerving how fast they made up.
| Mark Paladin chapter 8 . 4/28
Delores Umbridge finally got her just desserts,. and I hope Ron and Ginny get
theirs, and that their punishment is harsh.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 5 . 4/30
Er... I thought the four that attacked Draco and Susan were being expelled?
| Lamorak Korving chapter 7 . 4/28
I think that Molly Weasley's trial was interesting, and that her punishment for
stealing from Harry's vaults. I wonder how Ron and Ginny will be punished.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 2 . 4/30
I'm okay with clichés. What I'm not okay with is how fast you've been dropping information that could easily be fleshed out more thoroughly. I like a fast paced story, but this just seems very rushed.
| Shikaku Zetsumei chapter 1 . 4/30
One problem I can already foresee is the complications arising from you revealing so much right in the first chapter. It makes me wonder where this story will go.
| Lamorak Korving chapter 3 . 4/27
I always thought that Ron, Ginny and Molly were troublemakers, and it seems I
was correct. It is also nice to see Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy burying their
grudge and becoming friends, although I was disappointed to read of
Hermione Granger resort to bullying.