|Reviews for The Bad Habit|
| S. Muffin chapter 5 . 2/20/2013
Oh, and one more thing!
If you could add more boobs in this fic, that would be grreeaaat. Thanks!
| S. Muffin chapter 6 . 2/20/2013
*coughs* So, yeah, how about that…finally stopped being lazy and started reading a new fic!
So, I decided I would read all of the current chapters first and review them collectively
I think you have a unique writing style, for starters. It's very conversational and nice. I feel as though I'm hearing the story as you're telling it to me face to face, if that makes sense, which makes it enjoyable to read and helps keep things flowing nicely!
It's also interesting to see you put a new spin on events that have already taken place. We get the familiarity of the stuff we have seen already but the excitement of the new things you've added to the plot, such as May's obvious penchant for thieving and the fact that Ash received Treecko in his first encounter with Prof. Birch rather than catching it later. May's initial reluctance to travel with Ash is also an interesting change, considering that canonly she was the one to suggest they travel together. I also found it funny how she stole the Mudkip xD
Which reminds me…
"If you haven't already heard, I really like them."
I see what you did there xD
Anyway, the only errors I noticed are the occasional capitalization and punctuation ones when you write dialogue.
When you write dialogue like this, it's correct:
"Oh wow, those are so cool," Ash said, bending forward and setting his hands on his knees.
But this isn't:
"Oh, um... It's May." She stammered.
It should be like this:
"Oh, um… It's May," she stammered.
It's kind of a bad habit (BA DUM TSS ;D) to kick once you get used to it, but if you just make the effort to remember to correct all of that while editing the story you'll be able to kick it in no time. Idk if you get this one beta read, but that's also something you could pass along to whomever is beta-ing for you.
So, long story short, I like this story! I hope you write more of it and I look forward to seeing how it progresses. And I also like your idea for an Advanceshipping v. Sapphirepearlshipping fic, which I've already mentioned of course xD So I can't wait to see what else you come up with!
| Tide0 chapter 6 . 2/19/2013
This is an awesome story. Love the funny bit at the end.
| Pok shipping chapter 1 . 2/18/2013
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/9/2013
i wanna see that weird fic idea! it would be an interesting twist. :)
| Yesimthatguy chapter 6 . 2/8/2013
Bro you just keep bringing awesome, you should be a author as a career choice or comedian haha. I wants to know if you could make a pokemon zombie/advanceshipping series like "black-ace01"? Also can you add more kissing and more physical descriptions like boobs,etc. idk just some stuff I would like to see. Honestly your work is so freaking amazing and just makes me laugh keep it coming.
| Advance Forward chapter 6 . 2/8/2013
So, Harley enters the picture, and we see the first signs of May becoming a Coordinator. And, like everyone, I nearly died at the end. Man, that was freakin' HILARIOUS!
One question, though: Does Team Rocket enter the picture again?
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/8/2013
I dont like the idea of SaphirePearlshipping, its always better Dawn vs May but is your choice.
| Rales Mckoy chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Nice chapter, I'm looking forward to seeing Dawn's entrance. Update soon.
| Guest chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Youre a nut job youre bonkas and thats comine from i hpe to be your bigest fan
| JJWalker chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Haha, that ending. I cracked up at that.
But seriously, good chapter man. It's cool that you are adding Ash's and May's Hoenn team but doing it in a way that doesn't mirror the anime. Also using this as a way to get May into co-coordinating was a good touch.
Also considering Norman is stalking them it would be cool to have May spot him in the crowd during one of her contests and that puts her off enough to make a massive blunder and stop her from winning.
Great work man, can't wait until the next one.
Ps. The idea of a fic where Dawn has the hots for May would have been hilarious. I suppose I can settle for a FTAL rewrite :D
| MyNoseAgreesWithMe chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Of course Harley is a guy! Didn't you hear the narrator? Oh wait, you're on the other side of the invisible wall and can't just phase throug like ghost-types...
For instance, those who can Get Everyone's Neurons Going About Rehabilitation. (This may be necessary, even vital, for those with an Attention Defici...Ooh, Shiny!)
| lucarioADV chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
A great chapter, the wait was well worth it. That's a real creative way to introduce May to contests. Harley seems preety cool, in a arrogant type of way. Say, is the grass-haired heart throb gonna make a appearance soon? If so, is he going to be a love rival for Ash? Or are you putting him as a nice guy? Is Ash ever gonna catch a Gengar? AHHHH SO MANY QUESTIONS! Please update soon
| Xannytoes chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
Yay! New chapter :) Whilst waiting for "The Bad Habit" to update, I decided to read a few more of your previous stories. "Life as a King" was a great read. Normally, I prefer to read about Ash and May during their teenage years, but you have an excellent way of changing my taste in Pokemon fanficition. Plus, Giovanni as Ash's father was an interesting touch. I understand it's been a well-spread rumor for a while now, but I'd only just heard about it before reading the story. "Duplicity" was another enjoyable tale. I found it really sweet how you wrote about Ash and May's relationship, but the main plot was just as spectacular. Finally I checked out your first fanfic, "Fiercer than a Legendary". All I have to say about is that it's one of the best Advanceshipping fanfics around and I'd recommend anybody who even remotely enjoys Pokemon to read it, even if they might not like Advanceshipping.
Anyhoo, I should probably review the chapter :P I like how Harley was introduced this time around (in the anime I'm pretty sure he and May met at a contest and got into some sort of fight over his cookies, but you'll already know that :D), seeing as they're enemies right off the bat. Norman stalking the group makes for an interesting plot, which begs the question, who is the leader of the fifth gym? Is it still Norman? I wonder...
Bah, I've kept your attention long enough. Thanks for another awesome chapter, and I really look forward to the next one :D
P.S. If you do go through with it, I eagerly anticipate the rewritten version of "Fiercer Than a Legendary" :)
| Analon chapter 6 . 2/7/2013
A very enjoyable chapter.
"I 'ain't no rocket scientist, hon, but that sounds like a problem"
As always, I'm awestruck with your ability to write a character... well... in character. Seriously, its like you have a Harley side XD
"Is Harley a man or a woman?"
hm... good question!