|Reviews for Dear Dad|
| Rain of Sorrow chapter 1 . 1/25
Hm, this letter is actually how I see Gohan's actual reaction, than how the show and manga . It Is also how I portray him in my stories.
| VikingChild chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
Wow… this was awesome.
| hippiechic chapter 1 . 6/26/2013
Wow. The language in here is pretty rough to be coming from Gohan. I'm having a hard time buying it being his voice wish so much profanity. Gohan was always so gentle and well educated, he had a much better vocabulary to access rather than stooping to using so many words with only four letters.
"I used to love you dad, I think you used to love me too." I think you meant to put a semicolon where the comma is. You can not separate two full sentences with a comma, it's not strong enough to bear that kind of burden. You'd need to add a conjunction (but, or, and, because...) or a semicolon if you feel a period is too strong for this application.
Chi-Chi drank? I never saw this. I think we're pretty far out in AU territory at this point. If that's where your vision takes you, that's fine. But, perhaps it would be best to warn readers before they get started.
Goku "made" Gohan fight Cell? In what series did this occur? When I last watched the Cell Saga, Gohan "wanted" to fight. He wanted to fight so strongly that Chi-Chi even gave in to his wishes and allowed him to train with Goku. Refer to my last paragraph about AU. I think you should add that or OOC into your summary. :-)
"Do you know how deep those scars ran? You let me kill you, and then rubbed it into my face. You could've come back… I made my mistakes… but I was eleven… that didn't mean you needed to leave us and run off." Let me deal with your punctuation first. The comma in the second sentence isn't necessary. You don't have two full sentences, so you don't need a comma along with the "and". You're simply adding more information. Also, your ellipsis are not used correctly. I'm not sure how to give you any useful feedback on them without simply showing you a rewrite. But, I did want you to know that for your future works. As for the content, I found this to be very true to the character, at least at darker moments. Sure, Gohan would feel guilty about those feelings later, but I find the thoughts/feelings themselves to be very believable. This was nicely stated.
"We ran out of money pretty quick, you weren't there to do anything about it. Did you ever have to take care of your baby brother and insane mum at the same time? No. Instead you killed your grandfather." Okay, this is technically accurate but still a bit strange. "Quick" is an adjective. Adjectives are used to describe nouns. What you needed here was an adverb, which is used to describe a verb. "Quickly" would be correct. Once again, your comma needs to be replaced with something stronger - either a period or semicolon. And, my question is this: what does Grandpa Gohan's death have to do with Gohan's situation? Even Grandpa Gohan's mode of death really has no connection. This seems like someone simply lashing out irrationally - which is not Gohan.
*blink* Gohan would have laughed if he'd killed his father? Seriously, OOC. I'm beginning to thinks this would have been a really great story if it had a back story. I've read some Gohan fics which were alternate timelines where Gohan was forced to become more of a Saiyan. In something like this, I could find Gohan's feelings believable. I think you should write something along those lines.
Since this review is getting unbelievably long, and since I find my thoughts to mostly be repeating things I have already covered in this review, I'll leave the rest of it up to you. I found more incorrectly used commas, and of course, Gohan is more than a little OOC.
Now, on to the positives of your story:
It truly did seem as if Goku preferred the afterlife to being with his family. Goku was a horrible husband and father. There is no doubt about that. Gohan should have been much more angry at his father (which just goes to show you that Gohan was not truly sane).
I like how you highlighted the difference in Piccolo and Goku. I would have liked to see you draw more comparisons between the way the Namek and Saiyan treated Gohan. Piccolo was Gohan's father in deed. Thank you for touching on that.
You are absolutely right about the fight with Vegeta. If Goku had gotten his good fight with Vegeta, he probably would have traipsed off to otherworld after his 24 hours on Earth and been happier for it. Even after the Tournament, he disappeared again as soon as he heard about Uub. You were spot on here.
Gohan will kill Goku? That's a bit far out. I would have to be smoking something to make me feel far out to buy that one.
"Because you're dead as a dad to me…" Except for the fact that you should have used "..." instead of "..." to end this, I loved the ending. You created a great summary here. The last line is superb. Great job!
Okay, this story was a mixed bag. You had perfect spelling, but your grammar and punctuation could use some work. As far as OOC/AU (kind of) goes, this was decent. The language should be toned down a bit, as well as the threats, unless this becomes part of a larger story to explain such a change in Gohan.
Is this a flame? No. It is not a flame. I know I gave a lot of criticism, but that was because I believe you have some raw talent. I see room for improvement (which we all have), and I try to help people who's stories I read. I hope I have been able to assist you in learning more about writing. I look forward to seeing more works from you in the future. Keep in mind that idea about a background story explaining the OOC-ness of Gohan.
Keep writing! And, until the next time, Peace and Out!
| DarkVoid116 chapter 1 . 5/4/2013
A real angst-filled story... I can see where Gohan's coming from but he isn't objective which is what keeps me from truly loving this story. He focuses on all of the negatives and ignores the positive things Goku did for him. Pre-Raditz. The time before the Androids. By the lake waiting for the Cell Games. I'll admit Goku post-Cell leaves a ton to be lacking, but I think this paints him as more of an evil bastard than he is.
That said, it was still enjoyable. It reminds me a lot of a compact, to-the-point "No More Forgiveness" to be honest.
Grammar was spotless and the vocab was solid.
Solid one-shot, Kaka.
| AmeliaJade326 chapter 1 . 4/12/2013
We should totally see a follow up chapter of how Goku reacts to this! Great story. Made me cry
| Popcorn chapter 1 . 11/26/2012
This doesn't sound like Gohan at all. Like, I don't see Son Gohan anywhere in here. This is just like the other Gohan goes psycho on Goku stories that haunt this fandom. I've no doubt that Gohan holds resentment towards Goku for some of the decisions he's made, but to the extent where he'd curse and wish death on him? No; I seriously doubt it.
Because in the anime, Gohan is the most ecstatic person when his father informs him of his comeback. I know that this is suppose to be realistic, but it's ridiculous, because Gohan, even when he's angry, doesn't act remotely like this. He wouldn't bother himself with missing his father and running to him when Goku returned from Otherworld. He wouldn't bother himself with his peace offering after Goku decides to stay dead. He wouldn't bother himself with spending time with Goku while they were with Shin, Kibito, and Old Kai. He wouldn't bother himself with hugging Goku goodbye before traveling to fight Buu. Just, this is OOC for Gohan and it really bothers me when people take this route in fanfiction. This does not do the relationship between Goku/Gohan justice.
Mind you, this isn't a flame. But the Gohan fandom is EXTREMELY biased, because a vast majority hate Goku and do not accurately depict him. Judging by the way Goku and Gohan act with one another in the series, I have a hard time believing that Gohan would hate Goku. If anything, Gohan would be angry with himself for being the indirect cause of his father's death. And if there's really anyone to blame about fighting Cell, it's both Goku and Gohan's fault. Gohan wanted to fight, but backed out because he didn't? That's a mix message for Goku, who originally thought Gohan had the power and will to carry it out, and all because Gohan pestered Goku to make him a Super Saiyan, so the blame shouldn't just fall on Goku's shoulders.
I'm sorry, and again, this isn't a flame, but the most accurate depiction of Goku and Gohan's relationship that I've seen in this fandom is kendokao's Face Up, Face Forward, Look Back, in which the author touches on the emotional circumstances in thier relationship while keeping them in character and not making Gohan an emotional wreck, which is not his character at all.
| Son Goshen chapter 1 . 11/25/2012
Whoooooo! I like this point of view! It's rather realistic, but really sad. Anyways, loved it! :)
| Safer Alexander chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Very realistic scenario. One of the elements DBZ could have implemented but didn't. Newer animes these days to integrate realistic scenarios such as these to make the character development more unique. DBZ would have been beyond perfect if it has such character development. Keep it up. There are alot of fics on DBZ here that accurately represent Gohan as emotionally traumatized and unmanegable after the whole cell deal. You can find plenty of them on here. I think one was called, No More Forgiveness? Name eludes me but still. That was pretty sick.
| Dbzlover500 chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Wow...this..is really deep. but, i think it's one of my new favorites...
| Lilly-sama chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Hmm, I think this would sound more like Gohan if the language was toned down a bit. I understand that's he's furious against Goku, but Gohan will always be a well-mannered nerd; and you don't just start to cuss out of nowhere, it's more of a habit you know?
I did like it. The point of view is understandable, the details you added to the storyline are believable. It's a good story.
| kalebxdd chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
Okay, pretty dark dude. I am usually really fascinated by fics like this, but if they are too long they tend to bore me. i am happy to see that you didn't turn this piece into a drag, that would've really killed it. As for you overall piece, it was a very good read and you even managed to use those 900-something words an put some feels into me. Good job, Aussielander.
| Jirouto chapter 1 . 11/24/2012
oh wow this says so much and its so emotional this was really good im glad i saw it :)