|Reviews for Bittersweet Reality|
| Kira-348 chapter 1 . 12/20/2012
. Omg. Sweetest thing ever!
| videogamenerd101 chapter 1 . 12/14/2012
This was cute! Although I felt like the story was a bit rushed and you really lacked imagery, I enjoyed this one-shot. :)
"But today is just a day but it is a weird one. For she is crying in her sofa, completely drowned by the loneliness she had been experiencing because of her disappointments in life."
This is just me, but I'd change it to "But today is just a weird day, for she is crying in her sofa, completely drowned by the loneliness she had been experiencing because of her disappointments in life." It's up to you if you wanna change it, but I feel like the two sentences flow better if you rewrite it the way I did.
"She has been hurt so many times because her mother never cares for her, always going out for photo-shoots that were needed for the job. Also, with full knowledge that she has been born by accident, she wished that she never existed or even lived. Only her grandmother understood her, but little, because probably she has reached a generation already."
Just in this paragraph, you changed from present tense to past tense. Changing tenses could confuse readers, so I suggest you change this. The changing verb tenses problem applies for most of this story, too.
"'Maybe… I could have my thoughts straightened up… That's good.' Rika said dully yet sadly."
Dialogue is always suppose to end in a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark, so I think you should change the period at the end of Rika's dialogue into a comma.
Also, some side notes: thoughts are never supposed to have quotation marks, so take them out and leave it as just italics. And even when a character is saying something to themselves, it's never in italics. Put it in normal font and keep the quotations in those kind of situations. Another thing: you left out commas in some places, so I would proofread this story and fix all these grammatical errors.
So, now to the plot... I kind of felt like Rika was just a little bit OOC in some places in the story, but that's okay. Love changes everyone, right? Although the plot was simple, it was a good one. One thing I have to say is that because I felt like the story was rushed, I couldn't really grasp onto what was happening, which confused me many times. I was puzzled when I thought that Henry fell off of the terrace and then he just suddenly appeared alive. This is almost impossible, because the momentum you build up as a person falls off of a building it usually too much for the person to handle, so the amount of pressure they feel when they reach the ground causes them to, well, die. Just wanted to say that. I know I criticize a lot, but I want other people to be a better writer, right? I liked this one-shot, and I know you have great potential to write amazing stories!
| Zero Unit RGB chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
This was very sweet and I saw a few random mistakes here and there. Not bad a fic if I do say so myself.
| KuronekoBlackcat chapter 1 . 12/3/2012
Awesomee storyy.. ;-; rika and henry aree soo cuteee togetherrrr.. xD