|Reviews for 60 Seconds|
| riaser chapter 30 . 7/8/2013
I feel like Lass, in her last moments, is almost mocking whoever speared her. I smirked at the last line, I mean, Lass is noting that a bull, a beast, an animal, would have actually finished the job. This human doesn't.
Anyways, I really liked this one, because of that. I think that Lass must have been a tough girl, working on the ranch and taking care if her family. I think she also liked peace, because she doesn't, just from this drabble, seem like someone suited for combat.
I don't know. But I still liked this one.
| SunnyStorms chapter 12 . 7/8/2013
This drabble too conjures up a very vivid scene in my mind. I loved how you chose your details well such that they not only gave us such a clear image of the drugged up mentor but also captures what District 6 is known for, good and bad. Absolutely loved your turn of phrasings here and how one just flowed into the next in a really fluid way.
I particularly loved this progression at the end:
/She traces the grain of the polished wood between them and her slow circling leaves no attention spare for the boy. After a while his eyes begin following her fingers. He gives up trying to talk.
He just gives up./
It ends very strongly. Great drabble.
| ShadedRogue chapter 8 . 7/8/2013
I'm not crazy about this one so much. I feel like you spend too much time giving examples of other victor's defining moments that it really makes Haymitch's seem tacked on at the last moment. Since your writing within strict drabble guidelines, every word counts and I don't feel like you used them effectively at all. I know you were trying to establish a theme here, but I think I would have liked to see more focus on Haymitch. I definitely like the idea behind what you were trying to do here, but I think it was a bit too ambitious to do in a hundred words. As a longer piece, I think it would have been amazing.
"Every victor had a defining moment- when they knew they didn't just have a one in twenty-four chance- when they saw their odds rocket up the board. " - This line is really awkward and doesn't provide the piece with a good flow.
| SunnyStorms chapter 11 . 7/8/2013
/Thresh bows his head to examine the scythe in his hands, twisting it to see the play of light up the silver handle./ -Again you show your wonderful attention to detail. This little phrasing here conjures up a very nice, vivid image in my mind, and it's a detail that isn't just for mere decoration, but it also serves to indicate that Thresh is contemplating the decision. Especially in a short piece like this, every detail really does need to pull its weight to be effective, and you definitely are good at carrying that through.
/It is a few years back/ - should be past tense, I think, since you're referring to a past event.
/Thresh's scythe reverberates against the ground when he tosses it down. / - I admit I was confused by this action as tossing down your weapon is frequently seen as an act of surrender, but I don't think that's what you meant the action to mean for Thresh here. Did you mean more that he stabbed the weapon into the ground as an emphatic no?
/He can already feel the prickling target between his shoulder blades./ -Nice choice of ending line. It gives off a great ominous air.
| ShadedRogue chapter 7 . 7/8/2013
I don't know anything about chemistry, but I think this drabble really tells us a lot about Foxface that we don't really get to see otherwise. I'm wondering if your word use of "fed" is intentional, considering how she ended up dying. She ultimately ended up being "fed" on the wrong thing, the berries which killed her, and thus, leaving the "unfed" bulb to die out. I really love how you created a parallel of death between two seemingly unrelated things.
| SunnyStorms chapter 10 . 7/8/2013
I'm not as taken with this one. Which is not to say that it's entirely bad, but you had a series of really strong drabbles, so this one pales somewhat in comparison. I'm trying to pinpoint exactly why. I think it's because the transition was a bit more abrupt between him spilling the drink and then the description with how he won the game was a very straightforward narrative, and then back again with "Now he raises his voice". Knowing your writing strength, I think you could push yourself on this one a little more to make it more striking in terms of phrasing and imagery. I do like the connection you're trying to portray here - I sense anger and distraught in him, seeing more than the spilled drink - almost like he's having a flashback to the trauma he suffered during the hunger games. He comes across as very similar to Haymitch with the drinking habit and the accidental way he won the games. And it's believable that such circumstances can happen for people more than once over the course of the hunger games, but perhaps also giving Phillip his own little twist that makes him different from Haymitch will also make his drabble stand out some more. I also thought the italicized dialogue worked well here to add emphasis that he's slurring his words.
| ShadedRogue chapter 6 . 7/8/2013
For a character who doesn't exist in canon, you certainly managed to show us a lot about him in only a hundred words.
The last paragraph is extremely powerful, because you get the sense that he's afraid of dying, but he's even more afraid of dying slowly and painfully, because career's are infamous for their sadism and cruelty towards the other players - so even though he's scared of death, he'd rather die on his own terms and quickly, then have to endure the games.
I also like that you used the word "reflexively", because deep down he was hoping that he'd miss and fall to his death, but his survival instincts kicked in. I also want to say that the last line gives a double meaning to the first paragraph, to the line "it isn't high enough", because at first you think that line is referring to Cedar's desire to impress the judges - "it isn't high enough to impress them"; but after you read the last line of the drabble, you get the darker double meaning - "it isn't high enough to die"
| ShadedRogue chapter 5 . 7/8/2013
Wow. This one is heart-breaking. You really struck home with the implication here. At first glance, the drabble seems like it's just a simple scene between Finnick and I'm going to assume Annie is his daughter. It's just a telephone conversation, but then you look again and realize that there's another deeper, and darker, layer that lies right underneath.
The last line really kills me, because you don't notice it at first but then it really hits you hard. "...Finnick can hear her breathing. That's enough for him." The meaning of that last line is so powerful, because you realize that this is a world where they send children off to kill each other for entertainment. Finnick himself went through this, and he survived, and he knows that his daughter could very well be sent into the games and maybe she won't be so lucky, but he doesn't want to think about that right now. All that matters is that she's still breathing.
| riaser chapter 29 . 7/8/2013
I thought that this one was incredibly sad! So much wasted potential on Calci's part, I mean, if she really was that smart...oh man.
[He says she is brilliant like an inventor, long dead even before the Dark Days, who also had trouble reading.] I think that the comma is a little screwed up here, I had to reread this sentence a few times. I think you should do something like this:
[He says she is brilliant like an inventor long dead, even before the Dark Days, who also had trouble reading.]
Otherwise, I think that Calci must have been either dyslexic or maybe had synesthesia. This is my proof: [When she looks at letters, they are jumbled, sometimes backwards. But numbers always behave themselves.]
Poor Calci! I love her name too, like 'calculator'. She sounds like a good friend and a really bright girl...and then she died. Which sucks. But I still loved this drabble! It's one of my favorites so far, because you mentioned a real historical figure.
| ShadedRogue chapter 4 . 7/8/2013
This one's dark, but very powerful. I like that you picked up on Clove's vulnerability and expanded on it. In the books and the movie, we only ever see Clove as someone who's ready to kill; she's cold, ruthless - or as her mentor's put it: deadly, confident, cruel. I love the addition of "Confused" at the end as the last word, because it's extremely powerful. It reminds us that she's only a child, who has been told by her mentors that she's a killing machine, sadistic - it really reinforces that she's been forced into this.
| SunnyStorms chapter 9 . 7/8/2013
I love the contrast between the artificial climbing walls and her memories of home - crags in bark and fresh pine vs hand holds and coarse plastic. The detail of the memory of her brother above her daring her on with a cheeky smile was also a really nice poignant touch to further emphasize the loss of life and home. My one suggestion here is that I think the ending line, already strong in that it hammers home what's torn from these tributes, would be much stronger and emphatic without the adverb "really", and in turn, the firmer ending would make your whole drabble a stronger piece.
| ShadedRogue chapter 3 . 7/8/2013
Ooh, I really like this one. I like that you decided to use Glimmer's point of view in this drabble, so we get to see both sides of the relationship.
From this drabble, I get the sense that Glimmer doesn't necessarily mind being portrayed as a sex symbol so much, but the only person who she really wants to look at her won't, because he respects her too much. But I also get a sense that there's a bit of mistaken feelings, because even though we know that Marvel cares about her, maybe Glimmer, who is used to being sexualized, gets the impression that Marvel doesn't like her in that way because he won't sexualize her like everyone else does - because she's not used to be people actually respecting her. It's a bit heart-breaking, actually.
| ShadedRogue chapter 2 . 7/8/2013
I like how the Capitol sees Glimmer as a sex symbol and how they decide to portray her that way for the Hunger Games, while Marvel respects her too much to reduce her to that level. He respects her so much that he won't even let his eyes roam over body - he looks her in the eye and continues to do so. I do feel, however, that arse doesn't fit very well with Marvel's respectful nature. I think if you shifted some words around you could create a gentler description without throwing off your word count.
I'm a little confused about the purpose of Marvel's actions, where he's digging his finger nails into his palms. It seems like he's agitated, but I'm not sure if it's because she's half-naked behind him and he has a lot of feelings for her, or because he's angry with her that she seems to have no problem being a sex symbol for the Capitol, or he's angry with the Capitol for depicting her as a sex symbol in the first place.
| riaser chapter 28 . 7/8/2013
That was very melancholy, and very sad! I felt horrible for Woof, I mean, I think that he was trying to hear the girl, but at the same time, so caught up in his memories to do anything! That's really awful, in my opinion.
[There are some things you don't forget, even when you can't remember your sister's name. ] He forgot his sister's name, and remembered his district partner? I can just imagine a youthful Woof and an unnamed district partner falling to the ground, dead. And, in that moment, or maybe when he won the games, his memories were completely shattered? Who knows? Maybe in the arena he deliberately wiped his family from his head.
Your description in this was very good, I like the comparison with the factories.
| riaser chapter 27 . 7/8/2013
Okay, so this one also shows another side of the capitol. The punishment force. (is that right?) I can tell that Corren is very scared, I mean, her voice is faint and thin. I think that's she's about to pass out as they come for her, and who wouldn't? The Capitol is a very scary place.
[With the tributes at training the six mentors sit in a quiet huddle around the dining room table.] You need a comma between 'training' and 'six'.
Other then that, I think that this was a good ending to your little arc, if it was a little predictable. I liked it, I think you should do more little arcs!