|Reviews for Secret confessions of a lonely wolf|
| Demoninmysoul chapter 1 . 12/12/2012
Hey! Okay, here goes...
I like the story idea, and that it's designed to be a oneshot, but you skipped and skimmed over a bit too much. Also, maybe try other sentence structures than "I..." - it made me feel like you wanted to tell this in 3rd person view, but somehow stuck in 1st.
There were one orr two sentences the characters could say instead of Jake telling us they said it.
Now, the minute things ('wrong word' - 'my guess for the right'):
... hidden my - by thick black frames...
I looked - was confused.
His tongue liking - licking the... (but this whole sentence is a mess. Maybe you could break it up, to make it easier to follow)
I did not now - know he was...
... whatever was left of - in me.
I hope you won't mind my critique! Good luck with writing!
| mattcun chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
| Elfin69 chapter 1 . 11/28/2012
It was good for a one-shot. Would be great to see you do a full length fic with this pairing.