|Reviews for Ranma, the Naive Succubus 01: Nabiki's Deal|
| xThomas2 chapter 3 . 1/12
This is weird. Ranma sounds like little kids.
| anonymous critic chapter 2 . 12/7/2014
I'l probably write some more constructive critci later, but for now I'll settle with pointing out one glaring issue with this fanfic, one that many MANY Ranma fanfic writers are guilty of.
Ranma tells Nabiki about her curse... worse, he does so right away.
check he manga, check the anime - Ranma does NOT like telling people about his curse and never does in the manga or anime. People only find out after Akane or somebody else explain the curse, or the transformation themselves. The curse is an embarrassment to Ranma but also a disguise... so why would she ever tell some stranger not only that she isn't a naked girl, but who she is? Why would Ranma humiliate him/herself like that? The answer is simple - she wouldn't.
I know it is probably to late to change this part of the fanfic since you have written a ton chapters for this series, but I really wish you did... you should rewrite it. Even if it drastically changes some crucial part of the story, you can always fix that part some other way. Having Ranma acts this fanonically OOC is just sad.
| Byakugan789 chapter 10 . 7/8/2014
Aww... so sweet. Rofl. Nice bit of smut. Looks like I'll be reading the next installment. Gona be interesting seeing how things knock them for a loop when they realize not only is Genma HELPING to bring them together, but has actually engaged them and twas the point all along.
| Byakugan789 chapter 7 . 7/7/2014
Interesting. Normally I would suggest one of the mountain temples outside of Hokaido, to take over and maintain, they need the upkeep staff, but it'd probably be more... beneficial to get a tower in tokyo or one of the nearby cities. There's usually one or two that is being torn down and rebuilt every couple of years for one reason or another. Build a half mile high, martial pagoda with large rooms for arial training and reinforce the entire thing daily with Chi as a training exercise/safety measure. Given the popularity of lower martial arts, Joketsuzoku wushu would quickly become quite popular and it would make it easy to attract and weed out valuable potential tribe members.
| Byakugan789 chapter 6 . 7/7/2014
Interesting take on the crazy bitch. I guess this is going to be a relatively 'good' nodoka series?
| Byakugan789 chapter 5 . 7/7/2014
heh, nice little smut scene.
Not sure whether to feel sorry for Gosunkugi or repulsed as he character is meant to be reacted too.
| Byakugan789 chapter 4 . 7/7/2014
...Interesting...So it's POSSIBLE we might see some more of the regular Shampoo ranma action. Now if that isn't interesting... Would also like to see more of Nabiki and ranma learning magic of various sorts. Lota stuff that could be fairly easily incorporated into martial arts and what ranma does is generally referred to as eastern or oriental magic anyways.
| Byakugan789 chapter 2 . 7/7/2014
I curious, where do you find these books? I assume manga, but if you could point me to which ones?
| Byakugan789 chapter 1 . 7/7/2014
Right off the bat... Your stuff is usually good and probably will be later in the chapter, but I so want to hurt you right now. Merlin, the son of an incubus? Original legend has him as son of the fairy Mab, it was changed to Inccubus by a monk in the thirteen hundreds who wanted to discredit various celtic stories. This is the same monastery that gave rise to 666 being the number of the beast instead of a bastardization of the celtic Triskillion among other various atrocities which are now common points in proto-religious literature.
Meh, whatever, unimportant to anything but my own pet peeves and its not even you i should really be mad at. Moving on!
VERY nice read past that little introductory bit i ranted on. You got a pretty interesting outlook on the problems of being a spirit. I don't suppose i could hope he might stick around to observe the amazons training and attampt to steal a couple of techniques before getting summoned by Nabiki? It doesn't look entirely hopeful, but meh.
ALSO! Your ranma had the presence of mind to screw with his father and mix the curses! That was brilliant and hilarious, but I've got a question. More of a constant gripe really, one that occurs with every 'other curse' story out there.
Why didn't Ranma have the presence of mind to ask the guide about what all curses are offered and choose one that could benifit him somehow? Spring of the normal drowned girl. Spring of the Asura (Rogue, manga volume 30 I think). Hell, spring of the drowned man, spring of the drowned priest, spring of the drowned good samaritan, spring of the drowned twins. There were several human or near human transformations. No doubt some of them are useful and mixing each of them with spring of the drowned man before application could eventually override the spring of the drowned girl or at the VERY least make you a INCREDIBLY masculine androgynous.
Personally, if i got caught in Jusenkyo I'd either take strait asura or failing that mix asura, fox and girl. Kitsune FTW!
| Blackholelord chapter 10 . 11/8/2013
Well I like it.
| SalemTheSpeakerOfTruth chapter 4 . 6/15/2013
" If this boy was the son he had spoken of back at the village, and if the boy was some sort of mage powerful enough to instantaneously jump across miles"
I think I'd rather read about that...
| shugokage chapter 10 . 2/19/2013
Incredible story and very unique perspectives good job!
| James Birdsong chapter 10 . 1/21/2013
| k1n chapter 10 . 12/31/2012
Great story! Keep up the good work :)
| ArinaSugarBaby chapter 10 . 12/13/2012
Nice and though you are making it ok for sex which so many people hate and think is evil except with there wife or husband. It is why most of the time succubi are placed as being demons and ending up in Hell. Though I have to agree just cause they feed off of sex it doesn't mean they are evil. Which is one of the reasons I have liked this story before it was broken down.