|Reviews for Assembling the Pieces|
| Faery66 chapter 12 . 12/16/2016
Hope to read more soon.
| Lexx096 chapter 12 . 7/9/2016
I hope you haven't given up on this story :,( very well written and captivating!
| idea.getthe chapter 12 . 12/7/2015
So... Naruto become a slider...
| SanguisAnima chapter 11 . 1/10/2015
... Hmm. 'Tis a very good piece though it's been long since you updated. Perhaps you'd like to chat with your writing Muse?
'Til then we await the next update.
| X-Pooky-X chapter 1 . 3/9/2014
i had a question, why didn't you use the name Naruko? Everytime when I read Naruto i think of the boy instead of the girl xD. But you're story is great :) Sorry for my English.
| Fallendarkyoaiangel56 chapter 11 . 9/14/2013
Oh I totally love this story I can't wait to see what happens.
| Valkarious chapter 11 . 3/2/2013
I'm hooked XD very much looking forward to reading more, keep the good work coming !
| Guest chapter 11 . 2/6/2013
Great chapter! What's Gaara going to do? Will Naruto ever get back and will Gaara help her? Or is she in for some trouble with Gaara so angry and close? Can't wait for another update! :D
| EvanescentWriter chapter 11 . 2/6/2013
I really liked this chapter due to the fact you see the real issues lying behind their relationship; you see her fears and you see her in her weakest hour. I wonder how Gaara will handle her; will he help her? Will he attack her? And I still wonder if the 'new' Naruto will fall in love with Gaara and the 'new' Gaara will fall in love with Naruto. :D
| kyoko minion chapter 11 . 2/5/2013
how is she gonna get this gaara to stabilize,especially when she goes back to her own world?
| mugu chapter 4 . 2/5/2013
Good chapter again as the ideas given are not bad at all. Yet, you don't use enough the advantages provided by the first person narrative view, Gaara is too much descriptive. I concede that Gaara has an introspective personality, but you push it too far. When you use the first person narrative trait, you must know that the characters' eyes are the readers' eyes, the character's nose is also the nose of the readers, as for the ears, etc... There, you just content yourself to enumerate points, and it's seriously boring to read. You have the duty to immerse more your readers in your story, to be more direct... I'll provide you a clear example that I consider awkward:
"I used my sand jutsu to transport myself to the Kazekage tower"
See? You simply describe again. What were his feeling when he felt the sand akin? How did the sand envelope him? Did he lift his hand before him to bend the sand to his will? Did he pass above the buildings or between the dwellings? And then, what did he feel when he was "flying"? Mirth? Bliss? Peacefulness? Confusion? Superiority?
For example, you can describe him flying over people, and his folks gaping while observing him passing by them, as him giving a gentle smile, a "leader" smile. He's like a sun to his village, him, the Sand's Son? Had he already brought Naruto with him on his sand? For him, the sand is a part of himself, or an external element he uses at will?
Try to ponder about it, and try to apply this for each descriptions you make. The chapters you gave to us for me, are simply the base, the structure. You've just built up the bones, and there is beginning of a story, but there are not still any muscles, or the skin of your story, and that's why I fell almost nothing when I read your fiction.
Sometimes also, you put a "you" in your descriptions without us, readers, can understand to who you want to speak. It's really unsettling and break the flow.
Your story is good, but it misses those points to simply become better. Your story has the potential to become better.
| mugu chapter 2 . 2/3/2013
Well, I was curious, so I read the rest (when an author takes the time to defend his own story, then, it means that this one is certainly worth the read).
I'll answer at the same time in the answers you gave me.
I do concede that it's possible that I've been too fast to conclude those points on your story, but nevertheless, I give you what I think when I read your first chapter at first, as many persons can conclude from your story when the read the first chapter. I think it's important for an author to know this, since people won't read the rest if the base isn't there anyways...
"Gaara's oppinion about the paperwork may seem negative in that sentence, but as you said, he is happy to help his village and it is clearly expressed in further chapters."
We at least agree on this idea.
As far I went, I've never said (or written in this case) that your story was vague, neither deplorable; I just postulate that you miss some points of the personalities of the characters and that your story was, I thought, an AU as it was rather plausible from what I have seen so far. Some persons appreciate it, but personally, I do not, or excerpt in exceptional cases but that's not really the point there. From what I remember, Gaara isn't like you describe him in truth, and it's again harder to make a character IC when it is with the first person narrative view, and also when it's your favorite character (and it's a good character anyways). I've seen many really great interpretation of this character, but not yours. Too slappy from my point of view. Yes, it might be possible he could have evolved like this, but I have at first to see the proofs, and sadly, when you throw an OCC character without explanation or warning (for example as authors notes) to your readers in the first chapter, they would think the characterization is partly hatched.
About the POV, I'll tell you my opinion, I've seen basically only one think that manage to do it well, and it is well-known in this fandom since it has more than 440K words (and I think you know what story I mean, or so, PM me and I'll give you the name), and the characterization as the character development is perfectly done, as it's plausible. As I've put in my review, there are plenty ways more interesting to show the character from a certain angle, and making POV are most of the time immature, but as it's your story, you decide what it's good for it. I just state my opinion anyways, as a reader, and as an author also. For me, it just ruins the flow.
Now, I comment your chapter, and what I think your descriptions are not good:
Overall, it's a good chapter, interesting, as the idea you filled it there. This chapter is far better compared to the previous one. It really encourages me to read the following chapters. but as I said, there are some... points I disapprove.
"I looked into her eyes, wondering why such emotions would play on her face. I could see fear, alienation, and panic. I could not see the deep love and care that I used to see in her eyes. Where was it?
Slight panic started taking over me at the thought, but I pushed it away. I looked at the girl before me once again. Wait, when did she change her clothes? And her hair seemed a bit shorter. I explored more with my eyes."
I think the "Where was it?" is misplaced there. If you want to put such questions, the next passage is not good either, because the readers need to know that Gaara is afraid, worried for Naruto without you tell them... Make it more subtle, or so. If you keep the sentence, then anyways, what did he not see, the deep love, the care, both? "I explored more with my eyes." is also a bit off... He explores with his eyes... You know when I read this I think he's rather a closet pervert as Jiraiya who'll shove off her clothes? "PLEASE! GIMME SOME VIEWS!" See my point? Rather comical, but not serve you right in the context... I would have just replace it with a "Worse..." and the rest of the sentence.
"In the end, I agreed and engraved the kanji with my sand on her left collarbone, right above her heart. It cannot be removed."
"Could not" rather I think. I'm not a native English speaker but I think there, it's better to be in the past tense. Or then, it would have been better to write : "Yet, I was certain that this one could not have been removed! I could not be! No... It cannot be! She cannot be..."
"You are not Naruto!" I murmured in a dark voice." Perhaps like that, much better I think, the emotions conveyed are stronger. (but then, you must change the rest of the dialogue... i.e, put the description of the mark before this "cannot be", try it, the effect will be far better you'll see)
"I could see the panic in the girl's eyes. "U-Uzu…" She gulped. "Uzumaki Naruto.""
There, Gaara is supposed to be deeply troubled. It would have been rather to introduce it like this:
"U-Uzu..." I heard her gulped. I lifted my eyes, and remarked the panic in her eyes. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto" She continued.
See my point?
"You could sense the anger once again in my voice."
Who is "You", the readers, the characters, himself, his own demon?
"The false reality, again. I began to think that it would have been better if she had no memories at all. This was a complete utopia."
Weird, don't you think? The third sentence sounds odd.
I'll read the rest later. I hope you'll not mind my review.
| kyoko minion chapter 10 . 2/1/2013
so naruto's pov is coming up?
| kyoko minion chapter 8 . 2/1/2013
| pampoo chapter 1 . 2/1/2013
mugu First off, I want to thank you for taking the time to write such a long review.
However, there are some things you pointed out that I don't agree to be true, since it's a fact that they are present in the story. The story has all. They are just not served right at the beginning. You only read the fist chapter, I presume, and you made conclusions that are not right.
Gaara's oppinion about the paperwork may seem negative in that sentance, but as you said, he is happy to help his village and it is clearly expressed in further chapters.
It is not an AU story, it follows the main plot of the manga/anime. If you care to read any further, you will see that there is a clear precision about the time when the action is taking place and the events before that. Gaara's POV is necessary as Naruto disappears for the next 10 chapters. I wanted to capture Gaara's point of view, others' feelings are mentioned as well, but his are pointed out. I saw this way of writing as the right for this kind of situation. And I want to point out something else - Gaara very, very clearly denies that he is marrying Naruto, or rather that he would ever marry a woman for political reasons.
About Gaara being OOC - accept that Naruto's loud personality has rubbed off on him and opened him up a little. I believe that Gaara's original character is more evident in further chapters, as he gets desperate that Naruto is not coming back.
I understand your point on Naruto's hardships because of having to change her village, it is mentioned, I did take account of it. It is said how very much Gaara helped her to adapt in chapters that yet to be relieased, but again, it is all present. However, this is not one of the serious themes in the story for the plot concentrates on the main event - Naruto using an unknown seal and disappearing off to somewhere.
Once again, thank you for taking the time. I'm not telling you to continue reading, I just wanted to let you know that the story is not as vague and deplorable as you said. I wish you a very nice day. :)