|Reviews for Unbelievable|
| B4bidden.Products chapter 24 . 4/17
Omfg! (sorry if my abbreviation offended anybody) but this is the best story. I've been trying to write a story myself at the moment but keep having writers block. So been able to read a story that has kept me up until 4am has made me relax alot so I may be able to get some writing done in afew hours when I wake. So a huge THANK YOU
| debra02lg chapter 3 . 3/1
| Abbey Whitlock chapter 24 . 11/13/2014
one of your "questions" was "who was edwards mate?"
Well who was his mate? Was it Alice? you asked after you told us that and then the tanya mate thing.
ALSO I thought Kassie couldn't have children? If charlie has an intolerance to human blood, why did he chomp on billy?
This was a good story though, I really liked it.
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 9 . 5/27/2014
There is just too much going on for me. :(
Stuff that is said that I wonder how they know it because there is no history between Jasper and the Cullens, inconsistencies with how people are acting with each other or reacting to situations, and some is just so far fetched and doesn't seem to flow right. It could be just stuff going on that will be cleared up in future chapters, but I don't think I will read anymore.
I've still got Not Who I Thought, Sweet Revenge, and Choices & Consequences that I've started.
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 8 . 5/27/2014
So ... why then are the Cullens all anti-Alice and saying stuff about her? Does this so called Loyalty power wear off? If so, why now? Why not at any time during the last 80 years she's been with them? I could see Bella automatically shielding Jasper, but she's not shielding everyone else, so that's not what caused them to break 'loyalty' ...
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 7 . 5/27/2014
Small inconsistencies - like Kassie is awake and with them, but then suddenly she's asleep in the rocker? I think there have been a couple others like that, but I've been ignoring them. Seems to be what the other reviewers are doing too, or they didn't notice?
The whole dual personality thing bugs me - not just your story, all stories that have it ... very few can do it well so that it flows and makes sense. Also, why is it that it is only ever Jasper and Bella that have these dual (and sometimes multiple) personas? If it is a vampire thing, then all vampires should do it. If it is not, then why them? What makes them so 'special' apart from every single other vampire? And how convoluted would that become - if every vampire had their own demon inside that had a separate personality and whatnot. :( Sorry. Just ranting here!
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 6 . 5/27/2014
Some silly parts ... but I guess maybe that's why it is called Unbelievable. The beginning of the story is why I'm reading it - there are very few stories that start at the baseball field. It took a turn that I don't usually read - I don't enjoy baby stories or addition of kids. But I'll keep reading this one for now as there are parts of it that I'm enjoying.
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 5 . 5/26/2014
Hmm. Interesting - blue eyed vampire.
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 4 . 5/26/2014
How would Jasper know that the Cullen's have cousins in Alaska? He doesn't know them. ?
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 3 . 5/26/2014
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 2 . 5/26/2014
I like it! So glad that Eddie is burned up and ash so quickly.
| TwistedNeiviv chapter 1 . 5/26/2014
GeezerWench sent me your way - she'd read my profile and for years I've been trying to find a baseball scene story. It's not quite what I was looking for, but close and I'm excited to read your story!
| jjkostenko chapter 12 . 2/12/2014
Your story has potential, but it just feels so rushed with one incident happening and not being completed before rushing to the next. And why would Bella and Esme run to Canada for clothes for the two new members? That does not even make sense. Also your grammar needs a little cleaning up, sentence structure could also use a little work. All the different inner monologue POVs do not make much sense either, all the writing sounds the same for all the characters and their POVs. So I will not be finishing it, sorry.
| fri13girl chapter 24 . 2/10/2014
I would want my parents, friends and brother forever, just far enough away so that they wouldn't interrupt my naughty time with my soul mate. ;)
| fri13girl chapter 23 . 2/10/2014
California is awesome!