|Reviews for Rulers of the Sky|
| Akronite chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
That is a great story! I loved seeing things from the Ak-Baba's perspective. I hope you continue this story soon!
Oh by the way I spent around 45 minutes reading your profile and I loved every minute of it!
| Hawki chapter 1 . 1/14/2013
-Huh. Never thought of the ak-baba as much more than tools of the Shadow Lord, but since I haven’t read the books in ages (since they came out really), maybe there’s the potential for that that I don’t remember. Still, I’ll entertain the idea.
-Minor note, but while this is labelled as “complete” in the story summary, it’s titled “Part One: Rise of the Ak-Baba.” Was there meant to be a continuation?
(Edit) See part 2 further down. Understandable, but it doesn’t help that part 2 is so much shorter than part 1. Would have been better to separate the story into smaller parts IMO.
-The intro is…okay. I like the description of the scenery, and how the ak-baba tower above said scenery and the denziens below. On the other hand, I feel the ak-baba are being named too quickly. We get the protagonist’s name in the summary, but in the first section alone we get the names of the other six. It feels like listing off their names without giving times to develop their personalities. Though that being said, the writing is good in that the ak-baba have an alien-esque mindset. Not too much, but enough to convey that their thought processes aren’t exactly the same as a human’s.
-“The Battle of the Plains mentioned in /Tales of Deltora/ . . .”
The “in x” format feels a bit unnecessary IMO. I get the idea behind it, of providing a reference to the source material, but it feels more like just breaking the fourth wall in this case.
-Moving into the same section, the issue of rapid ak-baba naming becomes more apparent here. On the other, their thought processes are again well done, especially how they operate differently from dragons.
-Moving further down, two more kudos. Firstly, the battle is well written. Not in-depth, not out of this world, but the fact that it’s readable as all is a pro in itself for me (have trouble reading and writing most battle scenes). Another thing that became apparent here is the writing style, how…yeah, I’m harping on it, but again, the ak-baba thought processes. Usually in writing dialogue begins a new line each time a new character begins speaking, whereas here, the lines of thought stay on the same line(s), even as a different ak-baba begins speaking. In this case, I think this actually works. Maybe I’m overanalysing, but it conveys the feeling of showing the connections between the creatures. There’s no break in lines, as there’s no break in their connections between one another.
-“Tonight may be the last time you can redeem yourself, Ak-Baba, hisses our Master, Especially you, Trylon.”
Should be a full stop after “Master” rather than a comma.
-And…the Shadow Lord not only proves to be the mysterious figure he was in the books (good then and good here IMO – “less is more” and all that) but can be a jackass to Tyrlon as well. Ah, the perks of being a despot. ;)
-More good writing with Tyrlon, especially in regards to the diamond. One could probably get the same effect from any of the gems I guess given their properties, but it’s an interesting, subtle thought, of the gems having a psychological effect and all that…maybe. Again, it’s been ages since I’ve read the books, and despite looking up stuff on the Deltora Quest wiki as I write this review, one can only get so much out of it.
-“Another call to the city - another battle, this time in which, once again, revolt has risen and it would be best for Ak-Baba to stand by, ready to fly in and crush the opposing side. I start to realize that there is a pattern here, repeating itself through the endless ages. Peace, tyranny control, a rebellion, then peace again. To be followed by another being's control.”
Good writing here, and the thought process is one that I can see existing in the context of this story.
-Part 2 is okay. Part of it isn’t helped by the fact that…well, I admit, when I say “I’ve read the books,” I only mean the first series, and I only know the generalities of the stories that come afterwards. But more good stuff overall.
-Concerning this story as a whole, I thought it was very well written. It flows well, it has an interesting premise, and the premise is executed well. Having read the whole thing, I feel it’s worth making a comment on the ak-baba naming. I mentioned at the start that the ak-baba were named a bit too quickly for my tastes, that it feels more like listing characters than developing them. Having reached the last part of this review, I’ve decided to leave the comment because the feeling is valid at the period of the story in which it occurs. Looking at this technique as a whole though…it’s hard to say, but in a way, it might actually add to it. The ak-baba have names, but maybe those names are formalities, blips in what is otherwise a very close knit group of creatures. Even Trylon, the protagonist, often melds into the greater whole when among them. In this context, the quick naming of the ak-baba might have actually benefitted the fic as a whole.
But analysis aside, again, thought this was well done, for the points above, and for your portrayal of ak-baba psychology.
| Library2.0 chapter 1 . 11/30/2012
I always thought the Ak-Babas were just mindless beasts. Good take on their side.