|Reviews for Champion|
| musme chapter 15 . 7/28
I love it
| GBTtown chapter 5 . 7/8
There are elements in this story that I recognize from other stories. The apothecary comes to mind immediately. Hedwig as a Moon Owl is another.
The change up at Madam Malkins was new. I don't remember Zabini taking such an early role in anything except very AU stories.
| PHEONIX39 chapter 1 . 5/17
| Gina chapter 1 . 5/13
I like this Harry and am happy to see that you finished the story.
| Pika5490 chapter 9 . 5/10
What is this, British america? No bells in a school of magic, as bells were originally created to get kids used to working in factories, thus a magic school where there are no factories in said magic world would have none. Also I've read a few things that are not British terms, though I forget what chapter they're in. Good story, despite the small mistakes
| Inland chapter 9 . 5/8
| Inland chapter 4 . 5/8
did u read canon
| peggy77 chapter 15 . 3/7
Although I would love to read the sequel, I see it isn't finished and you have updated it in years so I think I'll pass as I hate reading unfinished stories.
| peggy77 chapter 14 . 3/7
I do like this story but you have used the same incorrect word many times and it's driving me crazy, lol!
Unstable. NOT instable.
| peggy77 chapter 5 . 3/6
I really like this story so far but, being a 60 year old grandmother and having already raised 3 children, one of whom is considered exceptionally bright, your Harry (and even Blaise) seems far too mature for an 'almost' 11 year old child.
| SeriouslySirius4ever chapter 7 . 3/5
I like the way you handled the meetings between Harry and Neville, Hermione and Draco. Your harry isn't as naïve as the Harry in the books and thinks things through much more clearly. I do like your story.
| TJeanetteT chapter 5 . 3/4
Silk shirts in Scotland? Their winters are pretty brutal. Still needs editing. The butchering of Hagrid's accent had me cringing and quickly glancing through those parts to avoid as much of it as I could. Yeryour and yeyou to start with. Ternothing, Teto. Most accents don't add letters to words, they just substitute them.
The interaction with Zabini was incredibly awkward. Harry overshared in a big way. Embarrassingly, ridiculously over shared. To a stranger. People don't generally tell people that much after having just met someone 5 seconds before just because they asked a generalized question. The muggle world with relatives of my mothers." Would have been beyond sufficient as far as answers to a strangers questions go. It was like a scene from a D rated tv show or soap.
This may seem harsh but I'm hoping to see some improvement as this story goes on or at the very least, I hope you go back and edit it.
| TJeanetteT chapter 4 . 3/4
Not a bad start but there are quite a few grammar mistakes or awkward turns of phrase. I encourage you to find an editor who is fluent in english. If I hadn't enjoyed the base story line some of them would have made me stop reading in the first chapter.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/1
This is a great story! I love the cunning, ambitious, intelligent Harry. I am looking forward to reading the rest.
There are two things that bother me about the writing, not that it isn’t good, but that you need a beta. You need to have someone look over the story and correct some of your sentences. It’s not awful, or I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. It’s just occasionally confusing. The second thing is that your authors notes are unnecessary and redundant. They basically go like this: here is the next chapter; here is one thing that’s going to happen in this chapter. Then, okay this is the end of the chapter; what do u think is going to happen I. The next chapter; the next chapter will tell you. I am thinking: oh, really? Glad you told me since I have never read a book before. Is that how they work? Thanks for the very important info. So, keep writing. Just leave off the ANs please.
| Monster King chapter 15 . 2/21
Great story I really liked it good job writing the story.