|Reviews for Champion|
| peggy77 chapter 15 . 3/7
Although I would love to read the sequel, I see it isn't finished and you have updated it in years so I think I'll pass as I hate reading unfinished stories.
| peggy77 chapter 14 . 3/7
I do like this story but you have used the same incorrect word many times and it's driving me crazy, lol!
Unstable. NOT instable.
| peggy77 chapter 5 . 3/6
I really like this story so far but, being a 60 year old grandmother and having already raised 3 children, one of whom is considered exceptionally bright, your Harry (and even Blaise) seems far too mature for an 'almost' 11 year old child.
| SeriouslySirius4ever chapter 7 . 3/5
I like the way you handled the meetings between Harry and Neville, Hermione and Draco. Your harry isn't as naïve as the Harry in the books and thinks things through much more clearly. I do like your story.
| TJeanetteT chapter 5 . 3/4
Silk shirts in Scotland? Their winters are pretty brutal. Still needs editing. The butchering of Hagrid's accent had me cringing and quickly glancing through those parts to avoid as much of it as I could. Yeryour and yeyou to start with. Ternothing, Teto. Most accents don't add letters to words, they just substitute them.
The interaction with Zabini was incredibly awkward. Harry overshared in a big way. Embarrassingly, ridiculously over shared. To a stranger. People don't generally tell people that much after having just met someone 5 seconds before just because they asked a generalized question. The muggle world with relatives of my mothers." Would have been beyond sufficient as far as answers to a strangers questions go. It was like a scene from a D rated tv show or soap.
This may seem harsh but I'm hoping to see some improvement as this story goes on or at the very least, I hope you go back and edit it.
| TJeanetteT chapter 4 . 3/4
Not a bad start but there are quite a few grammar mistakes or awkward turns of phrase. I encourage you to find an editor who is fluent in english. If I hadn't enjoyed the base story line some of them would have made me stop reading in the first chapter.
| Guest chapter 1 . 3/1
This is a great story! I love the cunning, ambitious, intelligent Harry. I am looking forward to reading the rest.
There are two things that bother me about the writing, not that it isn’t good, but that you need a beta. You need to have someone look over the story and correct some of your sentences. It’s not awful, or I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. It’s just occasionally confusing. The second thing is that your authors notes are unnecessary and redundant. They basically go like this: here is the next chapter; here is one thing that’s going to happen in this chapter. Then, okay this is the end of the chapter; what do u think is going to happen I. The next chapter; the next chapter will tell you. I am thinking: oh, really? Glad you told me since I have never read a book before. Is that how they work? Thanks for the very important info. So, keep writing. Just leave off the ANs please.
| Monster King chapter 15 . 2/21
Great story I really liked it good job writing the story.
| jiongu-naruto chapter 12 . 1/4
I like how you portrayed Peeves as being nice to pranksters seeing as that's what Poltergeist usually are!
| Guest chapter 6 . 12/3/2017
Harry acts like an ass... But good story tho
| slytherinsal chapter 8 . 10/28/2017
So the old man has cocked up again, offering only Science, not the three fields any serious scholar would take, as though he was catering to a bunch of losers in secondary modern schools! and why not real subjects like geography and computer programming rather than wasting time on fuzzy studies like politics and economics? Poor Harry, failed again by those in authority.
| Guest chapter 2 . 10/14/2017
The rights that a British Police officer reads out are not the same as in the USA it's
'(Name) I'm arresting you on the charge of/on the suspicion of (crime). You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.'
| Kimmytrainer chapter 14 . 10/11/2017
Lovely chapter, and lovely story! I'm considering reading the sequel even though it's not complete. I loved all of the character development in this story. You're a terrific writer.
| Kimmytrainer chapter 13 . 10/11/2017
Wow that was a totally different take on the dragon incident! That quidditch game was awesome, too. Great chapter :)
| Kimmytrainer chapter 12 . 10/11/2017
Fun chapter :) nothing really stressful either. I was hoping Sirius would find Peter while he was at the castle.