|Reviews for View From A Window|
| DeejayMil chapter 1 . 7/30
[They were standing in the junior boy's bedroom of Evenden Hall, where Sherlock was to sleep bunked together with seven other boys his age... or thereabouts, though he was going to be the youngest by several months. The original plan had been for Sherlock to be sent to boarding school at the age of eleven, as Mycroft had been; but Mycroft was away at university now. He had little time for his brother, and it was decided that it was better for all if he were sent into residential living now.] - as your opening sentence, this would be VASTLY improved by a bit more showing vs. telling. We need more emotion, more build-up. Exposition at the beginning of a fic always weakens the fic by setting the reader up right from the get-go to be bored - whether or not the fic itself is amazing or not, it does set a bad tone.
(and I'm so, so horribly guilty of it too :( )
A bit more head-hopping - but I'll try not to be a broken record with repeating things I've previously mentioned.
Ohhh my heart. POOR SHERLOCK. I want to hug him. I think overall this is the weakest of the ones of yours I've read so far - the premise is solid, there's some lovely detailing throughout (although it could be woven through a little better), and Bishop is a realized character. I think partially it's my own disbelief in Mycroft ever being okay with Sherlock being caned, but that's a personal thought of mine and has no bearing on your story!
[But Sherlock, flailing desperately, sank his teeth into the arm that held him, drawing blood. Bishop swore and let him go, and he spilled into the corridor and thumped down the spiral staircase three at a time. He overbalanced and pitched headlong at the bottom, temporarily stunning himself and splitting his lip as he landed on the hardwood floor; he didn't notice the injury. He clambered to his feet and had limped out to the gravel drive just in time to see Mycroft get into the car he'd had waiting there.] - as a final thought for this piece, tension-laced scenes like this work much better broken up into short, choppy fragments interspersed with the occasional longer structure - sort of controlling the readers' breathing and their emotion as they read through the paragraph, which can make for some REALLY effective storytelling.
| Otaku and Proud chapter 1 . 6/22
I hope you're happy with yourself because this got me right in the feels omg
| Honeydewmelon56 chapter 1 . 5/3
Oh poor thing
| englishtutor chapter 1 . 2/19/2015
More heart-break. This was very well done. I especially liked this line: "Sherlock was too young to notice the strain in Mycroft's voice, or to know what it meant." Perfect.
| frankannestein chapter 1 . 10/27/2014
This one was easier to read (with some lovely wordcrafting in the last couple of paragraphs). Homesickness and the fear of being left behind are two things that we all (or most of us, anyway) can understand. Sherlock isn't just a canny child here; he's real, and hugely sympathetic as a character. It's not necessary to know the hardships already facing him for what he's done - we already know this is just the first part of a very long journey that will shape his whole future, and the fact that he's going into it with tears puts all of us firmly on his side. Hang in there, kid!
| becgate chapter 1 . 4/29/2014
Again I wish there were 10 more chapters to go with this story! ! ! I loved every word! ! ! Poor Sherlock. ...
| Lady Eleanor Boleyn chapter 1 . 4/27/2014
I've not read much young! Sherlock before, so this is a bit of a first foray for me, but I’ll give it a shot...
I like the Headmaster’s first thoughts of Sherlock and his noticing that Sherlock’s eyes are a bit odd, his description of them as lamp-like is quite fitting, I think.
I also like Mycroft’s comment about how the place was different in his day – it brings home the difference in the boys’ ages and also highlights how much Mycroft has taken on the father’s role in Sherlock’s life – that’s something you’d expect a father to say, really, not an older brother. As is his comment that Sherlock is to behave and not bring too many rulers/canes down upon himself.
Sherlock’s very detailed observation of the room was a nice touch – it hinted at the man he’ll become.
I also liked his desperate chase of the car – it was heartbreaking, especially given that last line, when you know he was just too late, but it made him more a normal boy, if you know what I mean, so I’m glad you included it.
I intend to read more of these )
| RandomNumbers523156 chapter 1 . 10/13/2013
Oh my goodness, that was a really sad story. You showed how hard it is to Sherlock to grow up because you showed in the other stories that Mycroft is the only parental figure of his life and having to get separated of him like this is simply heart wrenching, I did feel my heart hurting in the conclusion.
The fact that the entire system of boarding school treats them as little adults, not children, is also pretty shocking for little Sherlock, this won’t be good for his psychological health in the future.
Also, I really like that Mycroft tries to make the best of it to him, even if the situation is dire he tries to be his big brother, a model to him. But, in the end, the inevitable is inevitable, not to mention that Sherlock will have to face the untold consequences of assaulting the supervisor, his life is going to suck a lot. Again, it was a really good work, the descriptions were pretty good and language as well. Good work!
| Esther Huffleclaw chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
Your Sherlock stories are so wonderful. They never fail to break my heart with their beauty and sadness. This one did not disappoint in the least.
I loved the line, “slapping him on the shoulder with all the fake bonhomie of a used car salesman”—this gives us a clear picture of Bishop’s character in a few words. Brilliant. I already hate the guy.
Sherlock’s description of the room really jumped out at me. Even at such a young age, he already notes so many details. Then, when Mycroft says ‘goodbye,’ he cannot read the emotion under the surface. That hit me where it hurts. Poor little Sherlock.
I teared up at the end when Mycroft leaves without once looking back. Sherlock doesn’t understand that Mycroft doesn’t want to go and now he is angry at his brother. Perfect setup for the distance between them later. Again I say, Brilliant.
Thank you for writing this. You are very talented. I loved it.
| Rainie Skyes chapter 1 . 9/2/2013
This was just so sad. Poor Sherlock. And the cost it must have been to Mycroft. He is just a young man himself. Trying to be both parent and brother and having to sacrifice the brother in the end. Again, very well done.
| reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 8/26/2013
[You needn't worry a thing about him] - interesting phrasing there. Particularly since you've put the word "a thing" in when the speaker didn't have to say it.
[Mycroft commented ruefully] - that just makes me want to go "aww".
Sherlock's need to adopt to the situation comes out very strongly in this piece. The description of him was very interesting; a little listy, but relevant to the context. Gives the impression of someone running through a file in their heads.
Sherlock paused, looking at him for a few seconds, as if trying to work out if it were a trick question. "Yes, sir," he finally said quietly.] - I love this part.
"approaching" is a very clever way to describe Mycroft's emotions towards his younger brother. Gives the "almost, but not quite" impression.
[Sherlock shook his head, dully. ] - I don't think you need the comma there.
[He was surveying the room around him. Sucking it in.] - I love how you use "sucking" instead of taking it in, the more generic version.
And you've go the awkwardness in adopting to a new school down pat as well. A very nice fic, and a more light-hearted one in contrast to the previous one I read from you. That bit in the end was a very nice sort of heart-wrenching as well. Almost like a temper-tantrum thrown in with the desire to return to more comfortable and familiar surroundings. *is suddenly a bit concerned she never went to boarding school*
| magentacr chapter 1 . 8/26/2013
Awww, so sad. Sherlock probably gets bored of school because the lessons are too basic for him, and he gets bored. I wonder if this is the start of the resentment between Sherlock and Mycroft?
Mycroft really is like his parent. At first when it said 'Mr Holmes' I assumed it was his dad who had taken him, but yet again the responsibility of looking after Sherlock is Mycroft's.
| Melaszka chapter 1 . 8/15/2013
I loved this. The relationship between Sherlock and Mycroft is beautifully and subtly drawn - in particular, Mycroft's love for Sherlock hidden behind his stiff upper lip. Goes a long way to explaining their strained relationship as adults.
| T. R. Wexler chapter 1 . 4/20/2013
SO SAD! :'(
Very well-written, but sad, oh so very sad. I found the story "Leavetaking," but what's "A Favourite Target"?
| Phosphorescent chapter 1 . 4/19/2013
Ouch. As someone who attended boarding school, this fic definitely stirred some memories. Your portrayals of Mycroft and Sherlock are believable. I'm particularly impressed by the way that you've written Mycroft's exchange with the headmaster, which manages to escape melodrama - something that's far easier said than done. Meanwhile, I can *feel* Sherlock's misery/fear/anger/helplessness.
Thanks for sharing this one with us!