Reviews for Professor Layton - 100 Things
unicorn246 chapter 10 . 11/1/2013
Kenny and Ben. How many more walking dead references will you make?
The Mocking J chapter 10 . 10/16/2013
I listened to the Gallery theme while they were presenting the professor's underpants. It made it 100x funnier XD Then the One Direction and Wrecking Ball references killed me.
A wonderfully hilarious chapter for my favourite character. Well done!
DriftedDaisy chapter 6 . 10/12/2013
This is my favourite chapter.
DriftedDaisy chapter 1 . 10/12/2013
Love this. I laughed the entire time I read this.
ErinTriton chapter 9 . 9/28/2013
54). Don Paolo once twerked on top of a fire engine.
Ha ha! This is sooo funny! Can't wait to see the next list...
the indecisive bird chapter 9 . 9/27/2013
Minus all the *cough* bad words *cough* please update this thing!
It's just so.. FUNNY!
And the random OOCness...
But PLEASE try to lower down the volume (you should know what I mean).
-A.
Guest chapter 9 . 9/25/2013
lol twerking and licking and ZOMBIE FLORA and Miley Cyrus and ZOMBIE FLORA and ZOMBIE FLORA! (and purple lightshades)
AKA99 chapter 9 . 9/23/2013
Oh dis should be good
missfeliggy chapter 9 . 9/19/2013
THIS. I cannot even jhgjhgjkhgyjjhgjhyj I've been feeling down the drain lately, so this completely brightened everything! Thank you :)
Ura Omote Author chapter 9 . 9/18/2013
XD
OH MY GOD.
THE PROFESSOR SWORE.
That's it, I'm reconstructing the Apocalypse Shelter. I knew I shouldn't have knocked that thing down just because the Mayans were a little early.
Sweetly Delightful chapter 9 . 9/17/2013
omg I can't wait for emmys list. Funny as usual- how the hell do you come up with this stuff? And...the professor said the f word! omgomgomgomgomg heart attack! :0
Hmm...guess being a gentleman takes it out of you.
The Mocking J chapter 9 . 9/17/2013
I died at the world's reaction to Layton saying the F-word XD Aww I thought Don Paolo would be a recurring character... Oh, well. At least I've got Emmy's list to look forward to hehe.
(I wonder if Flora will ever be turned back to normal? XD)
Ura Omote Author chapter 3 . 9/12/2013
OH MY GOD
XD IF I COULD PASTE THE ENTIRE THING, I WOULD. AND I WILL.

"Hello?" Professor Layton shouted at the reception desk. An old woman looked up over the top of the desk and gave him a scowl.

"Yes?"

"We have been waiting for ages now! Where the hell is Inspector Chelmey?" Clive shouted.

"He's busy!" Margaret snapped.

From under the desk, there came a gruff voice.

"Margaret…get back here, you criminal."

Margaret giggled.

"You can arrest me all you like."

She disappeared back under the desk and there was lots more giggling and moaning.

Suddenly a pair of pink lacy kickers hit Clive in the face and hung over his shoulder like a dead cat.

Then a pair of boxers flew through the air and landed on the floor.

A pink bra landed on the professor's hat.

Clive and Layton both stiffened and slowly walked away, matching traumatised looks on their faces.

"What the hell…?" Luke frowned at the underwear that decorated the two men.

"So," Emmy smiled as they returned. "Will Chelmey be back soon?"

Clive and Layton both shook their heads and shrunk to the floor, sucking their thumbs and tears welling up in their eyes.

"Ok then." Flora frowned.

"Hey! It's Bill Hawks' file!" Luke exclaimed.

Clive shot back up again, so quickly the knickers flapped around like a bird, anger in his eyes.

"Bill Hawks!"

1). Bill Hawks smells like wee.

2). I hate Bill Hawks.

3). Bill Hawks Mentally deranged Clive DEAD HAWKS!

4). No one likes Bill Hawks.

5). I want to wee on Bill Hawks' head.

6) I WILL WEE ON BILL HAWKS' HEAD.

7). Even Flora would make a better Prime Minister than him.

"Hey!"

"Well, I'm SORRY!" Clive shouted.

"Clive…can someone else write some facts?" Emmy asked.

"NO."

8). I wish Bill Hawks had been squished by Clive's fortress of death because he was a generally shitty person and deserved to die.

Clive and the professor high fived.

"Dear god…" Emmy frowned at the new partnership the two men seemed to have formed.

9). Bill Hawks was the shittest scientist ever.

"Please elaborate."

"He can't even do ONE experiment without killing hundreds of people and causing mass destruction. He's a shitter scientist than Flora."

10). He was also the shortest.

11). I hope someone throws a brick at him and he dies.

12). Bill Hawks paints his nails.

13). Bill Hawks looks like poo.

14). BILL HAWKS KILLED MY PARENTS!

15). BILL HAWKS KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND!

The professor and Clive hugged each other and sobbed like there was no tomorrow.

16). Bill Hawks probably started the war with Iraq.

17). He probably started World War Two as well.

18). He was probably bestos with Hitler.

19). He probably started World War One also.

20). HE IS A RACIST WHO CAN'T TIE MY LACES.

21). HIS POINT OF VIEW IS MEDIEVAL.

22). FUCK YOU ... (bill hawks).

"Professa! They're song lyrics! Why doesn't Clive get a time out?"

"At least they were fitting! Unlike yours!"

23). LUIS SUAREZ SHOULD BEAT BILL HAWKS UP!

"Hell yeah! That's a good idea, Clive! I shall call him right now!"

24). LUIS SUAREZ WOULD KICK HIS ASS!

25). He'd kick it all the way to ASDA and back.

26). Then he'd score millions of goals against him.

27). Then Bill Hawks would cry.

28). HE'D CRY TEARS OF BLOOD!

"Luis Suarez is busy." The professor sighed. "But he may be able to do it next Tuesday!"

"YAY FOR LUIS SUAREZ!"

29). Bill Hawks knows the dance to Sweet Escape by Gwen Stefani.

30). JACK THE RIPPER WAS REALLY BILL HAWKS!

"OMG YOU SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ABOUT THAT!"

31). Bill Hawks has a dog called LaPooh.

32). He also watches Peppa Pig and stars as Daddy Pig.

"Oh. I get it." Flora nodded. "This will have about two facts about Bill Hawks and the other 98 will be insults. Ridiculous insults at that."

"...Why'd you even come here, Flora? Nobody likes you."

"Aww."

33). I can't believe that you held on to him when he was flying out of your stupid flying car.

34). You FOOLS.

35). You foolishly foolish fools with your foolish good deeds and your foolishly foolish prime minister (who is a bigger foolish fool than most).

"Who are you?" Layton asked the blue haired new-comer.

"Who is this foolishly foolish fool who doesn't know the perfect Franziska Von Karma?"

"I'm Professor Hershel Layton-"

"I don't care you foolishly foolish fool!"

"Want to hear a puzzle?"

"...DADDY DIED!" She cried. Professor Layton gave her some tea and gave her an oddly consoling puzzle about the weight of apples.

36). Bill Hawks wees himself daily.

37). Like when someone makes him laugh or someone scares him by trying to push him off a roof or something.

All eyes were turned to Clive.

"It wasn't me!"

"Yes it was." Emmy growled. "You can't lie to ME! MWAHAHAHA!"

38). Bill Hawks is the anti-Christ.

39). Bill Hawks sets fire to charity shops.

40). He also shaves puppies and kittens and makes coats out of them.

41). He also steals from orphanages.

42). He makes bread for homeless people and then EATS IT IN FRONT OF THEM.

"That heartless bastard."

"Well...DUH!"

43). He coughs up phlegm and wipes it on people's faces.

"Clive...you do know these facts have to be true?"

"I DON'T CARE."

44). Bill Hawks can't read.

45). He doesn't agree with purple dinosaurs.

46). Why did you stupid fools save him?

"Because I was trying to flirt with my dead girlfriend's twin by looking all brave and shit in front of her."

Franziska frowned at Layton and whipped his hat off.

"OW! OH MY GOD! The pain! THE PAIN! CALL ME AN AMBULANCE!"

"You're an ambulance."

47). One time, Bill Hawks and I were playing chess on the frozen lake and he said I was boring and then he took off his energy mask and he was really Cameron Diaz.

48). There was a chance that could of been a dream.

49). Bill Hawks cannot ride a horse.

"Well that's obvious what with Bill being so fat and all."

50). If we rub peas in Bill Hawks hair…and put him in a tanning booth…and stole his glasses…and forced him to dance and sing about bitchy children…we'd have our very own Oompa Loompa.

51). Bill meows at statues whilst the Pink Panther theme plays.

"These facts are absolutely ridiculous. I doubt they even qualify as facts at all."

Franziska whipped Emmy.

Emmy ripped off Franziska's head and spat on her corpse.

"Emmy! Why did you do that?" The professor gasped. "I was just about to ask her to be my wife."

"A pair of tough titties to you."

52). Bill Hawks will have 'Bill Hawks : Killed Millions' on his headstone

"Mine will say 'Clive Dove : Buried Alive'."

53). Bill Hawks once married an eighty year old woman.

54). An ugly eighty year old woman.

"Luke you can't steal stuff from movies."

"I can and, oh my god, I will."

And for being too cocky, Professor Layton swung his leg back and kicked Luke in the face with accuracy that would make Luis Suarez proud. Luke went flying out through the window like a little fat bullet and landed in some kind of field.

55). If Bill Hawks was a tree, he'd be a very fat and ugly tree.

56). Bill Hawks has size three feet.

57). And you know what they say about guys with small feet?

58). They can wear kid shoes.

Emmy slapped Layton for his innuendo.

59). Bill Hawks went on The Chase.

60). And lost.

61). To Bradley Walsh who was the stand-in chaser.

62). THE SHAME!

"Well at least he's ashamed of something whereas he doesn't even care about others." Clive scowled.

63). Bill Hawks is really SANTA CLAUS!

"Well...that explains why last Christmas I just got a big stocking full of murder."

"Clive, I am having none of your sass today."

64). Bill Hawks reminds me of Duncan Bananatine (or whatever the hell is name is).

65). Bill Hawks got raped in prison by Scooby-Doo

"…"

66). There's also a chance that may have been a dream too...

"A small chance, perhaps." Layton frowned.

67). Bill once looked at a toad which cursed it, causing it to spontaneously combust.

"I take it there was a chance that that was a dream too?" The professor scowled.

"Oh no, that definitely happened!" Flora nodded. "It was like it was yesterday! Actually, now I think about it, there is a chance that-"

"It was a dream?"

"No. A chance that it was yesterday!"

"I thought we were here yesterday." Emmy scowled.

"That means...BILL HAWKS WAS HERE!" Clive screeched, before dropping to the floor, trying to sniff out Bill and lead him to his much deserved demise.

68). I SHALL REACH INTO MY SECRET INNER BLOODHOUND, SNIFF BILL OUT AND KILL HIM WITH FIRE AND HOLY WATER.

"HE'LL YEAH I WILL!"

The professor smiled happily at Clive, who was still scuttling around on the floor and sniffing people's shoes.

"Aww...look at Clive's happy little head."

"He's in his element, professa!" Chirped Luke who had somehow returned from the field of nowhere-ness.

69). Lol. 69.

"Luke! How is that a fact?"

"69 is a lol, professa!"

"...Luke! How is that a fact about Bill Hawks?"

"Bill Hawks lols at 69, professa!"

"Well then I can do THIS!"

70). Poor people in pain.

"What?"

"That is something that Bill Hawks lols at. Bazinga."

Luke went shifty eyed.

"Well played, professa. Well played."

71). Bill Hawks isn't here.

"That may have been the first real fact we have seen on this list."

"THEY ARE ALL TRUE! And he isn't here. When I thought I was following the scent of Bill Hawks, I was really following the scent of an old potato."

"Oh."

72). Bill Hawks officially smells like an old potato.

73). Forget all the other stuff I may have said he smells like in this list. He smells like an old potato. Ignore the others.

74). DO IT, DO IT NOW!"

"Clive! Stop threatening the audience!" Emmy cried as she tried to pull him away from the computer.

75). Bill Hawks should marry my Nanna Wendy.

76). None of us really like her (because she's annoying) so it would keep her busy and stop her from visiting every Thursday.

77). Bill Hawks deserves her. She has two funny eyes which makes her look like shes looking in three separate directions when's she talking to one person, she has a perm, she randomly brings people Christmas cards d
Ura Omote Author chapter 2 . 9/12/2013
xD Not a single one bored me.
Ura Omote Author chapter 1 . 9/12/2013
"There should be a game set in Blackpool. It could be called 'Professor Layton and the Pub of Death'."
"That's because your soul is dark and empty. Go stand in the corner." Professor Layton commanded.

I cracked up at pretty much all of them. XD
Great job.
I think you deserve a favourite for both this story and you. -winks-
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