|Reviews for like brothers,worlds apart|
| xXxnarusasuxXx chapter 9 . 10/23
| WinterFrosted chapter 1 . 10/13
I like the general plot you have going on this chapter, and your descriptions are nice throughout the story. However, for the 'stage directions,' you could say, more detailed actions and clearer descriptions of 'who did what' and 'who placed what where' and etc. would make things more clear.
More use of commas would make it even better, for example: "He was holding something in his arms. It looked like a baby." could be changed to "He was holding something in his arms, it looked like a baby."
Along with that, some sentences don't make much sense, such as this: "So as soon as the night fell I had to get to work on my master ingenious plan. Something I'm well-known for. Having a little fun," was his master plan to have fun? The lack of details make it hard to know if that was on purpose or not. If the readers weren't already aware of Jack's character, that would be a bit unclear.
For the following sentence "What was happening? Who has a nice little chat at midnight in the middle of nowhere?! ('Well at privet drive actually') I replied to myself," 'I replied to myself' should be changed to 'I thought to myself,' as the term 'replied' is generally reserved for when responding to another individual. If you were going for him actually replying to himself, adding the part in parenthesis on another line with the 'I replied to myself' directions would make it more clear, the previous sentence still goes, even in this case.
Apart from those things, this chapter was nicely planned, your use of surroundings rather nice in contrast with the details.
| TheNorwegianAuthor chapter 9 . 9/13
Aww! Jack's too cute~ 3
| dragonlovewater chapter 6 . 8/30
FYI owls don't poop they cough up pellets of things they cannot digest bones,beaks,fur,feathers that sort of thing
But you're doing a good job so keep up the good work and bless you!
| tamashiyuki chapter 9 . 8/27
Very good! Be continued?
| Mystical-Elf-Of-Sorrow chapter 9 . 7/31
| DeadLuck666 chapter 9 . 7/27
IT TOOK AN ENTIRE YEAR FOR YOU TO WRITE THIS?!
LIKE, OH MY GODS, WHY WOULD YOU MAKE ME WAIT FOR SO LONG?! You're too cruel author. ; _ ;
I'm actually a little disappointed in how little was done in this chapter. Exactly how low did you take a break from writing?
I also find the last sentence ironic for Dumbledore is not be meddled with(?) yet he sees find to meddle with everyone else.
I think I'll continue reading this story just incase the next chapter hold more to devour.
Your lovely and handsome reviewer,
| AliceCullen3 chapter 9 . 7/27
| AB Feta chapter 9 . 7/27
| Sevvus chapter 9 . 7/27
a little confused with whats happening! but i loved that you updated ;D
| gategirl15747 chapter 9 . 7/26
Really good please more
| mysticmoon1331 chapter 8 . 7/25
i look forward to seeing how you continue with this.
| Aviendhaphiragon chapter 8 . 4/18
Have you abandoned this? I'd say several years definitely counts as "not regular." Update!
| Samantha chapter 8 . 4/6
More please I loved it.
But you can't stop there there needs to be more
| Flutterby chapter 8 . 1/23
Noooooo please make Ron good!