Reviews for Kerosene
FlashFiction chapter 1 . 4/14/2013
This captures the bitterness between the two brothers perfectly! I like how they're both trying to keep it together, in honour of their family. The kerosene idea is strangely beautiful as well.
Lyrannae chapter 1 . 3/8/2013
I'm not sure what I was expecting when I clicked on this. Probably something tense, melodramatic, quiet, a dark Christmas... And that's exactly what it is, except at the same time, it completely surpassed what I had been picturing. The way you've written this, listing off details in a very straightforward narration, feels entirely detached from the brothers, and yet at the same time, that external viewpoint somehow brings even more emotion into the scene. It really emphasized how much has changed in their lives, and how much they're trying to retain a sense of being normal.

Generally I'm not the biggest fan of simple writing (I like more complex styles), but the way that you structured this, with shorter, repetitive sentences, worked really well for the approach you were taking on this scene. When I was reading it, the different lines were flowing into each other nicely, and your writing ended up feeling very much like poetry to me. I'm not ashamed to admit that I stood up and read it out loud a couple times to get the feel of the story's rhythm. It's very beautifully and poetically written!

The way that you talked about the interactions between Aberforth and Albus quite interested me; you directly said how specifically they each are feeling, and also made generalized statements about how they're "playing an evasion game" and "dancing around each other" (I love the metaphorical speech you used!), and both of those together did a good job of characterizing the brothers.

It made me curious: Have you ever tried writing roleplays? It's a different sort of characterization, focusing in on one instead of spreading across multiple figures at a time, but personally at least I find it to be a good mental-exercise. There's a great Harry Potter themed one that I'm involved with, at www . rmimagic . com; if you're interested I would definitely recommend checking it out.

Anyways, once again this was a beautiful story and a lovely read; thank you for posting it!

- Lee {Authoress of Professor Estelle Blair}
HedwigBlack chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
Gah! This is heartbreaking! I love the choice in characters here and how everything they've gone through makes the holidays so difficult. I really adore the beginning and the line "There's so much that isn't visible from the street." That was a lovely way to show the difference between appearances and reality and how they're just going through the motions. I think Christmas is one of those times that can make people either really happy or really sad. And this is so sad but you wrote Albus and Aberforth beautifully. Thanks :D
thehazeleyedloser chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
breathlessly flawless. :: pefection. ::
yellow 14 chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
A brutally accurate portrayal of how I imagine it would be. Keep writing
Fire The Canon chapter 1 . 12/7/2012
Interesting characters you chose to write this on and I like interesting.

I think you described the tension really well and really believable. You did well, considering I'd find these two really difficult to write.

Great writing!
MissingMommy chapter 1 . 12/5/2012
Oh my lord. I...I just have no words for this. It's so beautiful. Truly beautiful.

A few things though. "There's so much that isn't visible from the street." - personally, since this is following all the "from the street"s in the first paragraph, I would add "though" or "however" to contradict it.

"It's the first Christmas without her. It's the first Christmas since she died." - I honestly couldn't figure out if you were talking about Ariana or Kendra. I'm thinking it's Ariana, especially after reading the next paragraph. But I would say some name in that sentence.

But my god, I don't even care. Because this is beautiful. I really adore the fact that they're toeing around each other. And that you tied the fact that family's important here. Gah! That's just so wonderful. Then you added in "highest form of betrayal" and I nearly lost it, because Albus technically already commited that betrayal by almost leaving with Gellert.

And the metaphors are gorgeous, m'dear. Just plain gorgeous.

You know what, darling. I love this. I simply just love this. Yeah...