|Reviews for Displacement by Fire|
| Mia Vaan chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
Although this is an interesting idea, there are a few things which just didn't seem right.
First off, the idea that Katooni would leave the Order. It contradicts the entire Young Jedi story arc about her earning her Jedi wings. I know this is an AU, but idea of her leaving to become a Pirate - especially since she was one of the more timid younglings - just seems out of character for her.
And Hondo seems a little out of character as well. He wouldn't hug her, especially in front of his men. He would give her a sympathetic look, if anything. That doesn't mean to say he doesn't care about her; but he would show it in other ways.
Not to mention that Hondo seems to know a lot about the Empire when it's only just been established. He would be a little weary, of course, but already he seems to know that they're cunning and can't be trusted. That's too fast, even for someone as genre savvy as Hondo. The short period following Order 66 was a confusing time, with people coming to terms with the end of the war, the fall of the Jedi Order and the rise of the Empire. Even the pirates would be confused.
And finally, please be careful with the idea in general. A similar idea has already been started by nineteennintytwo called 'Of Pirates and Jedi' (she's already two chapters in) in which Katooni survives Order 66 and joins Hondo that way. So just be careful that your ideas don't clash, as you'll be the one getting criticism for copying since you started your story after she did.
I hope this review hasn't come across as critical; I'm just trying to help you make your story better, as even the smallest of plot holes and out of character moments will turn people off your story (and having a similar story to another author tends to keep other readers away like the plague). It is an interesting idea, and I'm interested in reading it - it just needs to be improved in places.
| nineteennintytwo chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
Even though I don't think Katooni would leave the Order, this was still a cute story.
| SurferSquid chapter 1 . 12/6/2012
I think this is a great concept; I like how you characterized Hondo and Katooni and their relationship and I wish you really did write for this show because I think you make the crazy pirate more endearing than he probably actually is. I love your descriptive prose, it's wonderful as usual; is the black-sand-in-The-Works thing canon or did you make it up?