|Reviews for hallowed and devote|
| Hawki chapter 1 . 8/31/2013
I guess if I were a snarky individual I would ask how one can have a crush on an AI that only represents itself with symbols and text. And after being pointed out that I AM a snarky individual I’ll lose my cool and inadvertently reveal that having attractions to fictional characters, videogame or otherwise, isn’t something I was (or heck, AM I guess) immune to. And considering some of the more…graphic depictions of Cortana and her ‘interactions’ in the ‘Halo’ series, I suppose Durandal can at least spare me THAT particular horror. O_O
Anyway, author’s note aside, time for the actual story:
-Good intro, you have Durandal’s personality down well here (not that I’d expect anything different at this point).
-Moving down though, the writing style feels a bit…off? I dunno, it’s not bad, but it just feels like it’s got some author’s voice mixed among Durandal’s own musings, that it’s less ‘tight’ then your other depictions of Durandal. I guess this is kind of moot in that you’ve had eight months between when this was posted and the present to get the writing to the level I’ve seen in your other ‘Marathon’ fics (hence why I usually try to review an author’s more recent works, as it saves feedback from being given an author might have already rectified), but in such reviews, I can only be honest.
-Moving further down, elaborating on the previous point, I guess another difference is that your depiction of Durandal shines through when he’s interacting, usually with the cyborg, sometimes with other AIs (e.g. ‘Trivia Night’). Here, it’s mostly reflective, so the snark doesn’t come through as much. That being said, the “asshole” line did catch my attention – could he be taking after the cyborg perhaps?
-Moving down…seems to be more weight to that possibility. And I like the depiction of Durandal here too, as he loses control. Often, you’ve portrayed Durandal as the snarky loveable bastard I do admit to seeing himself as also, but bear in mind he’s also an individual that one could easily call sociopathic. So seeing him lose control as things get out of hand is quite gratifying, in that you’re showing a side of his character that does exist, but fanboys/girls may not want to explore.
-Good interaction at the end too.
-Concerning this piece as a whole…well, I’ll stress that it’s good, don’t get me wrong. If this was the first ‘Marathon’ fic of yours I’d encountered, I’d probably leave it there. Though with the benefit of having read your other pieces, this does feel…different? I mentioned earlier how it felt less tight, and while that feeling was alleviated somewhat towards the end, I’m left to wonder if your style of writing evolved/changed between when this was posted, and your more recent fics. Again, this isn’t a criticism, just an observation that your writing style here feels different.
I will admit, I would rank some of your other ‘Mararthon’ fics higher if I had to, mainly because of the tighter writing. But I do think this has a charm of its own too, that it’s still Durandal, but not a side that’s seen as often in fanfic (or your fics at least…then again, the ‘Marathon’ section isn’t that big, so maybe it’s a moot point). But at the end of the day, good job. Even if this is earlier writing for you, it’s still good writing, and it’s a testament to your skills that (IMO) you’ve only gotten better since when this was posted.
| CrashJamesikoot chapter 1 . 12/17/2012
Wow, this was actually pretty good. And if it was self-indulgent of you to write it, it was just as much so for me to read it; I could not, and likely will never be able to, get enough of Marathon and its universe. See ya starside, and I don't know if you have other ideas for Marathon writings, but I'd be more than a little interested in checking em out if you end up writing them. Honestly, you could do something in a similar vein for Leela/Tycho, and get a completely different - yet just as interesting - story.