|Reviews for Watashi no Kokoro: Ayako's Story|
| MarcelinaRose chapter 6 . 1/23/2013
Aquamarine(my guardian character): Chara Change: from a girl who won't review to a girl who will!
Me: Luv the chapter write more! AQUA I'M GONNA KILL YOU!
Aquamarine: she actually likes the chapter
Me: SHUT UP!
| MarcelinaRose chapter 4 . 1/23/2013
OMG I LUV LILPRI LUCKY STAR AND POKEMON! YOU GOT GOOD TASTE IN ANIME!
| Unyielding Wish chapter 6 . 1/21/2013
I read through this for a little. Not bad. The flow of events is actually pretty nice.
What I can't seem to figure out is why everybody thinks self-inserts are bad. I don't exactly support OCs myself, but just because you've got a self insert in here, it means that your story sucks...? Sorry, I can't catch on.
As long as the story has a nice plot, is not cliche, punctuation is all in the right place (albeit occasional errors about the ellipses), what needs to be capitalized is capitalized, and all of that, I really don't think self-inserts should be too much of a problem. Unless there is a specific rule in the guidelines of FFnet that says so otherwise, I don't think it's WRONG for you to have a self-insert.
Ah, yes. About the ellipses. I learnt this just recently, but whenever you put an ellipse, there is a space after it before you type anything else, like ["Everybody has a dream to do something to be something...or someone"] would be ["Everybody has a dream to do something to be something... or someone"]. Fairly easy.
There is a new paragraph for every new speaker. So if Amu talks, and then Ayako talks, and then Amu talks again, you'll have three paragraphs.
Oh, and another thing- the title. [Watashi no Kokoro （私の心）] translates to [My Heart] or [Heart of Mine]. So it would be [My Heart: Ayako's Story] if written all in English. But... are you saying it's YOUR heart, and AYAKO'S story? You might want to put quotes there, so it becomes ["Watashi no Kokoro": Ayako's Story] instead. Just a little suggestion, though, that's mostly made of opinions.
As for long chapters, really, don't strain yourself. Write what you have to write and add in the details if you wish. If you have a good topic and really could write for it, then the long chapter comes naturally. :) Don't push yourself, but do pay attention to all of the things that render themselves important in writing a good story.
Get a beta reader if you're not sure.
- Noticed you didn't update for almost a month now. True Story: Discontinuing stories make you feel discouraged.
If needed, put it on a hiatus, brainstorm, think about any holes that you may have made in your plot or story, edit, write, write, write, and write. Try to stick with the canon characters for a while before exploring in the OC slot again; I find that a lot of people these days REALLY oppose OCs. If you're really, really good, you'll be able to pull it off!
I'm always here if you need me :)
| MarryAnne chapter 6 . 12/29/2012
NICE!I love these chapters theyre awesome!
| Simply Magestic chapter 2 . 12/29/2012
Really? A self-insert? That is NEVER a good idea, buddy. Nobody these days likes self-inserts. I'm just warning you; you're gonna get a bunch of flames if you keep this up. If you want that to happen, just ignore this "BS." Oh well, it's not my problem if you're too conceited to heed this advice. Sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm just trying to help. If you have any objections, feel free to PM me.
| Black Sun chapter 6 . 12/29/2012
like I said in the last chapter...RETARDEDLY AWSOME!
| Guest chapter 4 . 12/28/2012
If you're only writing for reviews and not because you like writing, then maybe you should discontinue your story. If you're having fun writing, then continue.
| AznRinny chapter 1 . 12/27/2012
Ah Shugo Chara! It has certainly been a while since I've watched or read the series, but it wasn't a problem at all when I was reading your story!
This is super cute. I'm not going to lie C: I'm like, reliving the moments xD
I have a feeling that this will be a great story and definitely full of potential!
I can't wait to see how well this story will progress! Definitely a story that I will read until the end :3
| Miki chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
You can write this story. Just don't say that the OC is you. That's why you got flamed, cause no one likes a self insert. Otherwise, keep writing.
| FYI chapter 3 . 12/19/2012
X eggs say "Muri", not "moe".
| TryingNotToFall chapter 2 . 12/15/2012
The f*** is wrong with you people? This story is GOOD! Sure, maybe there are a few mistakes, but seriously? Trashing her story? How old are you, 5? And please, if you're so upset by this story, MAKE ONE YOURSELF! And don't start sobbing your little ass off when you get f***ed up reviews!
PS: Good job, StargazingMiracle :)
| Silver Skura Queen chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
We dont need people like you on fanfiction littering it with your shit. You're the reason the Shugo Chara fandom is dying. Your story is the equvalent of shitt being raped by crapp then being fucked by a butt and thrown into a sea of piss where its raping the eyes of all those who look at it. Why dont you trash your story and go to hell? And grow up and get a life while you're there, thanks.
| TryingNotToFall chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
Ignore the earlier comment! I really like your story, so PLEASE update soon! :)
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/8/2012
Another self-insert story? This is never a good thing.