|Reviews for Dark Water|
| FrostyPhoenix chapter 3 . 11/28/2013
Okay, this is a very good story! You use good grammar, the dialogue is realistic, and the vocabulary is advanced yet understandable!
Now, my critique: occasionally, the current ideas can be a bit scattered—one example was all along chapter two, when things were happening fast and all at once. In a way, your writing made the ideas seem a bit too scattered to connect. Try prepositional phrases—these will help connect your ideas. An example:
Something happens, like the sickening gurgling noise comes from Jack. Then, you talk about north preparing to rip the spear out. To better establish that these two things are happening at the same time, try something like:
AS Jack convulsed and fought, North took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he knew would be an experience that would change them all.
Using as, while, since, if, etc will help the reader see that multiple things are happening at once!
Thank you for writing this! It truly is amazing!
| Guest chapter 3 . 9/28/2013
I love it! Please write more!
| Bethany Smith chapter 3 . 6/1/2013
Please continue this! email me
I really want to read more of this
| Caithlinn13 chapter 3 . 5/31/2013
This story is really intens! Please update soon! I really want to know what's going to happen and what the Guardians will do about it! :D
| PippaFrost chapter 3 . 5/8/2013
Wowww ! this fanfic is awsome! is jack staff really gonna change anything? because even with it the poison would still be inside him !
Please keep writting! i can't wait for the next chapter!
| Teah chapter 3 . 5/7/2013
Wright more plz
| lilalove88 chapter 3 . 4/29/2013
More please i love it ! I thing youre an amazing writer!
| Kendra chapter 3 . 4/17/2013
What you're cooking up here is absolutely amazing. I love how you make sure to depict a picture with lots of details. Just reading this makes me feel the desperation. Please make more, cause this makes my skin tingle more than the movie did. Good job.
| AlexisBlack44 chapter 3 . 3/24/2013
This is amazing! Please, please update this. It's such a great and well-written fic and I'd hate for it to turn into one of those fics that never get updated (Although, coming from me that's pretty hypocritical :P) Thanks for the read xx
| Wolfgilr4ever chapter 3 . 3/20/2013
| So cool.com chapter 3 . 3/16/2013
| So cool.com chapter 1 . 3/16/2013
I love it!
| Cating up chapter 3 . 3/9/2013
Its already more then 2 month since you last update ! are you dead ?! if not UPDATE !
| elysenjazz chapter 3 . 3/3/2013
I cant wait to see what's in store for them!
| elysenjazz chapter 2 . 3/3/2013
Why was everyone but bunny just standing around while he bled to death?