|Reviews for Wrong Choice|
| Bell 1 chapter 18 . 6/2
I can't believe you did a sequel. I made it this far, hoping the last chapter wrapped everything up.
You are right, the grammar and spelling in this story is horrendous, but what bothered me the most is the main character, Isobel is unrelatable. I was more turned off by her than anything. Sure, toward the end I wasn't as put off by her, but she was never endearing either.
The story jumped around too much for my liking, almost as though a thought suddenly came to you and was written in just as quickly. Take the last chapter for example. I found myself thinking the concert came out of nowhere and didn't at all fit with the rest of the chapter. This makes the story choppy instead of weaving together seamlessly.
Now, don't do what all other authors do with reviews... focus solely on the negative because you do have great ideas. You just need to learn to put your ideas together a little better. Take your great story ideas and learn to build the story.
While I wasn't endeared at all to Isobel, I think the different tribe of shifters was a neat twist. As was the fact Aro is a very distant relative to Isobel. I wasn't too keen on the rape orgy. While I can understand why Isobel cannot forgive Paul for his part in all of it, I cannot understand how Isobel can so easily forgive the others for doing the same. They were under the same influence as Paul, so why do they get off and not Paul? Sure, he is her imprint, but as you described what was controlling them, no one had a choice. The control was too strong. Heck! Sam forgot everything that happened from the time it took him over. I find it completely unfair and even unreasonable for her to forgive the others when she won't even forgive her own imprint. :(
Well, like I said, good ideas... enough to bring up my total displeasure in how Isobel is treating Paul. *winks*
| Writing Advice chapter 7 . 5/17
I found Isobel distasteful as a character, especially a lead character. She was written too over the top to be a believable character (including her wealth). Her ego, attitude, and arrogance are overbearing and undesirable. I found myself wishing for this character's death very early into the story.
About the writing... there isn't much direction in this story. It seems to go all over the place. There isn't any build. It is like "oh this happened, and then they did this". There isn't any reader connection, especially to help us understand, or believe in the romance (or even the relationships) between characters.
The grammar and spelling needs work (a beta would be very helpful). You are using the wrong words a lot of the time: are instead of our, Ah instead of I, their instead of they're, were instead of where, started instead of stared, were instead of we're, catched instead of caught, your instead of you're, I instead of a... so on and so forth.
I'm sorry, but the lack of direction in this combined with the extreme arrogance and ego of this lead original character, I cannot finish your story, let alone this chapter. I thought there would be hope with the change in character POVs, but even though Paul's POV was more endearing, it wasn't too different from the main POV in this story. His POV was just less arrogant and too feminine. In other words, the character did seem and sound female in many ways. Guys think differently than females.
The basic story idea is intriguing, but you need to learn how to make the story interesting to your readers and make it seem realistic. Even in science fiction the authors write in a way to make it believable. Your idea has promise, but you need to think it out and make your characters more endearing to your audience.
As a story writer, you cannot think of something and just throw it in there, resolve it, and repeat. There needs to be an ebb and flow to your ideas, or you lose your audience.
| reptilegirl chapter 3 . 2/27
to sam? she slept with some guy named peter
| chinadoll381282001 chapter 17 . 4/7/2014
Please tell me that the sequel is done?
| YAN YEE chapter 17 . 7/4/2013
CONCLUSION OF UR STORY :
1st of all be4 u wrote a story as u wish u need to learn how to write..
pro , line , climax , ending and etc...
ur story i kind of okay but too much negative..been rape too much..
and ur story jump up and down too fast..one miniute angry next second calm down so sudden ?
just need more practice...
| snake chapter 18 . 4/16/2013
Just finshed it its amasing can't wait 2 read ur sequil
| MakaylaDevine chapter 18 . 4/13/2013
Awwwww hurry and do the sequel!
| MakaylaDevine chapter 17 . 4/7/2013
omg its great
| MakaylaDevine chapter 16 . 4/5/2013
| GreenJazzyTwilight1901 chapter 15 . 4/1/2013
Brilliant! *wink wink* Im sure THOMAS would love ur writing Cerys LOL ;)
| GreenJazzyTwilight1901 chapter 14 . 4/1/2013
| GreenJazzyTwilight1901 chapter 1 . 4/1/2013
Awesome! Love it 3
| GreenJazzyTwilight1901 chapter 12 . 4/1/2013
| MakaylaDevine chapter 15 . 3/26/2013
| MakaylaDevine chapter 14 . 3/20/2013
Ong update its great!