|Reviews for On the Borders of Death|
| artistic writings chapter 4 . 1/7/2013
You need to provide a summary for you story, without a summary to attract reader’s attention your story will be overlooked. You don’t have to provide a lot of detail, just describe enough for readers to get a general picture of what your story is about. It might not seem like much, but summaries are very crucial for bringing attention to yourself and drawing in potential readers.
Your chapter lengths are not long enough; the thing to keep in mind with writing a multi-chaptered piece is to provide adequate plot for each chapter to keep the story moving. As the chapters are now the plot has hardly moved along and you‘re already four chapters in; with all that’s been uploaded so far you could combine everything into one chapter. A slow moving plot, combined with short chapters, will cause readers to sooner or later loose interest in keeping up with your story; I can only encourage you to try adding in more.
Your grammar and attention to detail are in good shape; the first chapter second paragraph could use some editing, it’s too long, but other than that you’re doing very well. I can’t say much on characterization since not enough has happened to give a clear picture on how they‘re being portrayed, but from the little that’s been glimpsed I trust you have a decent grasp on their personalities.
My advice for your own original character is to not rely on the old clichés as you develop her character more. There are a lot of stories where the new heroin bewitches and charms everyone with her beauty and personality, causing every male to fall in love with her and every female to envy her. Try to keep her as down to earth as you can and I’m sure she’ll blend in with the rest, nothing can smack of a Mary Sue insert more than a character that stands out too much.
I wish you luck with your story!
| THE SEX GOD chapter 3 . 12/19/2012
Knox is a hottie
| Derp chapter 2 . 12/19/2012
| Pedophile Suprem chapter 1 . 12/19/2012
Not bad :DD
Could use a bit more content though
| Stinky Horse chapter 3 . 12/11/2012
I like the details! Keep it up!
| britt158 chapter 3 . 12/10/2012
wow really good plot so far ! I really like this story.
| Gunstalk chapter 3 . 12/10/2012
Why doesn't this have more reviews... the fuck! Seriously! I love this story...can't wait for more. :D
| mukurorox chapter 1 . 12/10/2012
Can't wait to read more c: