|Reviews for Poke'mon Mystery Dungeon Explorers Of Earth and Sky|
| SunnySummer77 chapter 3 . 6/5/2013
Great chapter! I cant wait for the next one! :)
| RockytheTyranitar chapter 3 . 2/6/2013
Can Shade steal his bag? XD
| Last Warrior 7 chapter 1 . 12/28/2012
if you want my honest advice on how to write good fanfiction
dont follow the games storyline nearly word for word
in fact dont follow it at all be original and creative.
you will not believe how many fan fictions i have read that start the same way as this so why read on
| Shadow Snivy chapter 3 . 12/14/2012
I want to point out a mistake that during the morning cheer, you said, 'Three, miles go for miles.' Sounds a little silly and funny while at it. Also if you take my advice from the earlier chapters, you'll have more reviews in no time. The only other things I was going to tell you is if you are having writers block with anything or if you need help with a battle or two, PM me and I'll give you more tips. Also this is completely up to you, I'm not going to persuade you to do it if you say no so here it goes. I was wondering if you could add my character 'Shadow the Snivy' in somehow. You can make him a bad guy or a misunderstood person or anything like that, but he is evil, and again, totally up to you. I will also be following this story!
| Shadow Snivy chapter 2 . 12/14/2012
I see some things that could make this chapter greater, but also longer.
1. Be more descriptive. In the last chapter, you only described the shining bubbles, but not the sunset, or the hot sand, or the ragged cave walls. Here is a way I would put it from the last chapter.
Walking onto the beach with deep sorrow, the sand tickled my ruby stained paws and I couldn't help but cry out a small giggle. The bubbles made from krabby that were perched on some ragged rock were so shiny and enhanced the beauty of the terrain. The ocean glistened as the sun setted and than I heared some muffeled voice somwhere near the Beach cave.
2. Make the battles long and exciting! For a tip, usually never use the word dodge or miss. You also should say what the other pokemon did in reply since it isn't like the other pokemon is waiting to be hit by a move. For instance, lets say that there was a regular snivy battling a charmander. Say the charmander used flamethrower, how does the snivy try to not get hit? Instead of dodge, say that he ducked, letting the pillar of fire hover right over him. You can say that a pokemon was distacted, too slow, too tired, or dazed under a status condition so the pokemon couldn't move, than the pokemon would be hit.
I liked how you described the looks of the characters, and how this is normally different from the game, but you need to work on how to show the characters personality. You can say that they are shy or brave, bold or naive, rash or calm, and add flaws like someone talks a lot or is really careless. This will make these characters come alive! I loved how at the end, a bucket of water just dumped water onto him, never read that before.
| Shadow Snivy chapter 1 . 12/14/2012
I just want to warn you that everytime I read a story, I review every chapter, so unless you want me to do it every few chapters, just let me know.
I see this is good, but for most people, they already know about this story from the game. Unless something really different happens in the middle or at the end instead of being taken by dusknoir or defeating dialga, it's going to be the same old to many. Here is an example summary that is badly described to make it shorter:
A pokemon finds another on the beach. They go to his house that is in a different village. He lives in a worn down house that could hardly hold together. They deside to build a new one and finished it. Then suddenly, some mysterious pokemon on a crobat swoops out of the sky and takes the pokemon that was found on the beach. He escaped, but they had to hunt him down when they found out he was kidnapping pokemon so they go to treasure town and sign up at the guild.
This has a little spice to it, so it makes things a bit interesting, so this is more appealing than reading something they already know the ending to. I am just saying this as a tip, and you don't have to follow it, but try to shake it up, like if you are writing about the grovyle stealing the first time gear, he could be kidnapped, or in the middle of the beach when the relic fragment is stolen and they run into the cave, something attacks them, and they barely get out alive.
BEsides that, it is a pretty good story so far, I like it and see if later you take my advice.
| SnivyPro18 chapter 3 . 12/13/2012
I see you took my advise. It's getting better and nice cliff hanger.:)
| SuperDaikenki chapter 3 . 12/13/2012
Again, nice chapter. Seems like we'll be seeing more of team outcasts soon.
| SuperDaikenki chapter 2 . 12/13/2012
Nice chapters. I see no problem with it so far.
| AJ chapter 2 . 12/12/2012
pretty good keep up the good work
| childoffantasy chapter 1 . 12/11/2012
well i found u and ilike the story so far just find me on and my username is childoffantasy and thats where my stories hide lolz ;P
| SnivyPro18 chapter 2 . 12/11/2012
Pretty good but there are some major problems. Try explaining things in greater detail and don't cut things short to save time. I noticed that you changed some things, but try putting in some events in between the actual story events from the game. People who will read your fic will presumably already have played the game and will already know the basic plot line. Variation will attract more readers than just rewriting everything from the game. It seemed to me that you sort of rushed whenever it came to dialogue. Try to put more than a few lines of dialogue in a conversation. This tends to develope the personality of your characters more than just mentioning it in a narrative sense.
I noticed that you used some humor in chapter one. That's good. Humor attracts more readers. Make sure you use that more often. Personally, I've noticed that nothing attracts readers more than introducing romance, even just a hint. This is just a suggestion, but if you really want to get better at writing a mystery dungeon fic, make sure to read stories that relate to PMD2. For example, on my favorites list you will see PMD: Lost in time by CrizBN. I have been on this site for less than a year so I remember what it is like to be a beginner at Fanfiction. Nothing helps clear writers block and improves structure like reading other fics. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask.
| Music lover3212 chapter 2 . 12/11/2012
Awesome! Love how you made my team. Lol at the argument about Chase. Yeah, you got them right. Ari does get annoyed by Chatot sometimes.
| Music lover3212 chapter 1 . 12/9/2012
Can't wait to see how the confrontation will be! Good chapter so far and excited to see more.