|Reviews for The Thaw|
| Major144 chapter 12 . 5/19/2014
An excellant story! You described the feelings between Simon and Marceline quit well. The emotion was greatly expressed and ou could really see the happyness and sadness in the words. It was so heart felt! Great Job!
| EliYson chapter 1 . 2/10/2014
This is an amazing fanfiction and that come from someone who doesn't favor reading fanfictions. Good job! Amazing writer I will add.
| TealGurl chapter 12 . 12/7/2013
Just finished this, and it is just amazing!
I can't wait to star "Frozen Reign", I'm sure that it will be amazing as well!
I'm trying to think of what to say that hasn't already been said:
1:Your ideas in this are amazing, I especially love the imagery inside his mind!
2: I'm normally a grammar-police type of person (Yeah, yeah, yeah, send your complaints to ) and there were a few mistakes, but dude, this writing is so amazing that I hardly noticed. That is incredibly hard to do.
Keep up the amazing work!
| TealGurl chapter 5 . 12/3/2013
I'm five chapters in and loving this so far! You've done great with all of your ideas! I love how this is both faithful to the original source material, and strong as a stand-alone piece. Can't wait to read the rest!
Keep up the excellent work!
| Momo52 chapter 12 . 11/21/2013
This. Was. AMAZING! I love it! I just love the Ice King (or rather Simon) and his past relationship with Marceline. I'd just be ecstatic if they made it so he regained his sanity so he can be with his little Marceline again. And your theories on different things are all very logical based on actual information from the show, very creative. I'm definitely going to check out your sequel. Again, great job!
| Emma Winter Frost aka Sierra chapter 12 . 11/11/2013
I LOVE this story! It's soooo good! I've been on your deviant art it's awesome! I love the way how you draw them ! It's hard for me to draw on the computer I can only draw trees and stuff like that... I'm REALLY jelly of your style it's AWESOME! Anyway LIVE the story ! It is AWESOME!
| StarryOak chapter 2 . 8/28/2013
Oh. My. Glob. I love your portrayal of batshit Mcnutzo here, and you should totes write more.
| Guest chapter 2 . 5/9/2013
Can you finish your sequel to this(the frozen reign) please!
| Sorry chapter 6 . 4/13/2013
Betty has red hair! Not pink! Otherwise, this is beautiful!
| Secret-G chapter 12 . 4/11/2013
Oh, that was good. Kudos, cause I felt Feels.
| Rob chapter 2 . 4/8/2013
Nice connection between the magic man and the Ice King
| Thagguy chapter 10 . 4/6/2013
You're an excellent scenarist and have a great grasp of the characters. Do you have an editor/beta reader to go over your syntax? There are lots of small but consistent mistakes that are distracting from the story, such as not ending statements in dialogue with a period and run-on sentences, which really disrupt the flow. For instance:
"I will keep one of you", he said flatly, the ground beneath him freezing over. "Which one…which one is his favorite?" he looked from the princess to the queen and snickered. "You've wondered in the past, haven't you Marci? If he loved you more", he smiled with an open mouth so that his jagged teeth showed. "His bride to be or his little girl…which one, which one"
"Ice King lowered himself and the ice spread to the adjacent walls and ceiling. Snow fell around them but it wasn't beautiful, it wasn't magical. It was just…cold.
Could be edited to:
"I will keep one of you," he said flatly, the ground beneath him freezing over. "Which one…which one is his favorite?"
He looked from the princess to the queen and snickered. "You've wondered in the past, haven't you Marci? If he loved you more," he smiled with an open mouth so that his jagged teeth showed. "His bride to be, or his little girl…which one, which one..."
The Ice King lowered himself, and the ice spread to the adjacent walls and ceiling. Snow fell around them, but it wasn't beautiful. It wasn't magical. It was just...cold.
Now, this is just my writing style (I'm rather fond of a series of short, simple sentences to signify tension), but this fixes the run-on at the end, and also separates out the actions in the dialogue- generally, if actions are interspersed within dialogue, a new paragraph should be made, especially if there is a pause in the dialogue where the action is performed like here.
Forgive me if I'm coming across as insulting, but I feel that these mistakes are distracting from a very good story and I think your work could benefit greatly from their correction.
| Alex chapter 3 . 4/5/2013
Omglob this is the best story ever!
| Joshua AKA Leo chapter 12 . 4/5/2013
Very Interesting! To be honest, i only found this story because of a friend of mine obsessing over the mental struggles of the Ice king and i'm quite glad i did! Honestly can't wait until the next story to continue what is to become of Simon!
Keep up the good work!
| Guest chapter 12 . 3/27/2013
have it be a good ending