|Reviews for My Shadow|
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 10 . 2/4
Wow. Good chapter. I really liked the flashback concerning Riku and Gala. It was very moving! Riku wasn't a really important character from what I can see, but he played a big role. I like how you add OC's during the memories-it really adds to the story, making it far more realistic. It's adds more emphasis on the bonds that Gala and Songi had besides each other. Adding in the scene with Riku really makes the whole Songi-busting-down-the-Monastery-door-with-Juggernaut-and-bringing-the-Mist-and-killing-everyone-and-Gala-feeling-betrayed-effect much more moving. It really hits home. That was my favorite scene in this chapter, and probably the most emotional. I really felt for Riku and Gala both! :'(
On the other hand, my favorite line of this entire chapter was, "...wrapping his arms around the bastard's neck and squeezing as hard as he could for the umpteenth time, said bastard had returned..." XD That made me crack. The words "said bastard had returned" have a hilarious ring to them. XD And the whole "visualizing pummeling Songi" was pretty good too. Nice starting the chapter out with some comic relief before moving onto the serious parts.
Only one thing stood out to me this chapter, and that was the line, "Unlike the night before though, Gala didn't feel nothing after he'd struck him." The wording is funny in this line because it's a double negative. I get what you're trying to say, but maybe rewording it a bit differently might help make it clearer to understand? Maybe, "Unlike the night before, Gala felt something after striking Songi this time," or something like that. Other than that, good chapter! I's hopes for more flashbackies in future chappies! :D They have a very good impact in this story.
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 9 . 2/2
Alrighty, here I am! :D I know it took me forever, but I said I'd review your chapters-and I've a got a lot of them to catch up with-and so here I am at long last. XD
Anyway, this chapter was an interesting one. I didn't like it as much as the last one, but that was mostly because it had to do with main storyline and you added originality to it. :D This chapter seemed like a lot of sharing of emotions and Gala starting to try to reestablish his broken relationship with Songi. You're doing well with building emotions up, and then letting them burst. When I get to the next chapter-tomorrow, hopefully :D-I bet I'm going to read about a big yelling match and maybe some physical fighting, knowing these two. Still doing well with characterization and such, and Gala's anger is in character for him. At least I think. The way you write Gala is how I imagine him when he gets angry-holding it in, trying to calm himself, etc., and then eventually it just bursts, or he's cold and harsh. We never saw much of Gala's emotions in the game, so I like his in-depth emotions. Songi's too.
Also, I hope to read more about both Gala's and Songi's backgrounds as children before they came to the Monastery. I didn't see any grammatical, spelling, etc,., mistakes, and I don't have anything to critique at all, so well done! Look forward to reading next chapter. Hopefully it'll be in a couple days. :D
| Barako chapter 17 . 12/17/2013
Where do I start?! Omg. I love this chapter! And not just cause they FINALLY kissed. ...Okay mostly because of that. BUT STILL.
Criticism, uh, I have none. XD There are some typos, but I will tell you on Skype. I thought everything was really well characterized... like utdjgdiyfiyfhfi all of Songi's facial expressions, all the half-hearted justifications, Songi smacking Gala's hand (XD)... The wrestling gave me so many feels. ;o; The line about it giving Gala energy was just like omg yes, you totally see what he's feeling and gave me this flash of "what if Songi had come with them..." I'm sorry if I don't make sense!
And the kiss. Kisses, more like? I was NOT expecting that. Well, I mean, I was (cause you told me, and apparently everyone else XDD) but holy fuck Songi just went at it with him?! And was mildly surprised? Maybe Songi's had feelings for him longer than the other way around?! Either way it was crazy hot, and I'm looking forward to hearing about what exactly is going on in Songi's mind.
Also, I really wish that Gala had used that quip. XD The reaction would have been great! But it wouldn't have been quite as IC as it was, so. XD
POST NEXT CHAPTER TOMORROW PLZ. YES.
Not enough words for how much I love this fic ;o;!
...Btw, over the course of this review, I taught my mom's new phone the word "Songi". You're welcome. 3
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 8 . 8/23/2013
Dang. O.O This chapter was...emotional. I've got to say, I think this chapter has been my favorite one to read so far. You really, really kept true to the memory while fleshing it out a lot more, and that can be very difficult to do. You did well with characterization in this chapter as usual. But I really enjoyed Etha. You took a minor character and really extended her role, and I love it. She seems very original. You did what I did with the characters in Rim Elm. I think she was probably my favorite character in this chapter. It was like a breath of fresh air, the way you wrote this scene from the game. Great job!
Okay, now I got some things I spotted for you and thought I'd point 'em out.
1, "...and said: "Ah, forget it. Let's just have ourselves a good time tomorrow, all right?""
What got my attention here is the colon after said. Easy mistype with a colon instead of a comma. Stupid hands, messing up on the keyboard!
2. "But his levels of deception had ever reached this level."
I think you mean to type never instead of ever.
3. "Maybe if the ways of Biron didn't mean so much to Gala, he would've considered losing to Songi on purpose."
I thought the tense of "didn't mean so much" sounded a little odd. It sounds odd with the tense of "would've considered." Maybe "hadn't meant so much" would sound better? It sounds more past tense. I wasn't sure on this, so correct me if I'm wrong. You're the grammar expert. XD
4. "Etha, though. She was a problem."
The first sentence is a fragment. It should probably either be "Etha, though, was a problem." OR, "Etha, though...she was a problem."
That's all I got for you. But this chapter was a great read! I really enjoyed it! Moving onto next chapter!
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 7 . 8/16/2013
Interesting chapter. Wow, seeing Songi act so regretful is...I can't even find the right word. Shocking? Stunning? Completely and utterly mind-exploding? XD It seems so hard for Gala to have to face the possible truth of what Songi might or might not do if Gala weren't keepin' tabs on him. Better find a way to convince him, Songi! And I bet Songi hearing about his dad from Gala was a bit of a slap in the face. Songi probably doesn't want to the face truth either-the one that Gala's telling him.
Either way, some good confrontations took place in this chapter and both characters are being forced to face things they'd rather. Both are also being forced to take a good, hard look at themselves and question their feelings and everything. I like it! XD But I do have to admit, your ending does seem a little abrupt. Granted, not as abrupt as that second chapter, but still a little sudden. There's probably a way to soften this one too. _ But good chapter! I liked!
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 6 . 8/16/2013
Wow. Gala's getting violent! :O However, like I've said before, I really like the inner emotional conflict Gala is having. While I always liked Gala's character in the game, I never really connected with him like I did the others. I hated how little emotion Gala seemed to have. I think that you've improved Gala's character greatly-I can really connect with him. You've also really brought out the pain and sorrow Songi has caused him, I think. We never really see that in the game either. I think that's probably my favorite thing about this fic-just the fact that you've elaborated on Gala's character, as well as Songi's.
I didn't catch any typos. However, one detail did catch my attention; the fact you mention that Zalan specializes in making Seru type jewelry was something I thought odd. It's probably just a personal preference with the way you decided to write the story, but I would think that after everything that happened with the Mist and being possessed by a Seru, as well as not seeing his son in ten years and losing his wife, that Zalaln wouldn't work with Seru anymore. Other than the Ra-Seru eggs he made into talismans for the Heroes, of course. I just thought it was an odd thing, but again, it's probably just the way you chose to write the story._ Nothing wrong with it.
But reasonably decent chapter overall and I enjoyed reading it, especially when Gala lost his temper. XD
| Barako chapter 9 . 5/1/2013
Awww! I can't wait to see what antics Songi gets up to outside! XD
Also, this was SO adorable!:
"Oh. Well..." He hesitated. It wasn't often that Songi made a careful effort to choose his words. "As much as I'd like to say, 'No, I wish you idiots had died there,' I... I'm glad you three didn't end up on my body-count. It was high enough as it was."
Your Gala is a lot like mine, feeling really bad cause he thinks he didn't do enough to prevent Songi from going off the deep end :( Poor Gala!
Can't wait to see what happens next! _
| Barako chapter 7 . 4/16/2013
Another great chapter! w I know I've already read it and told you a lot of what I thought, but reviews are nice. XD
Anyway as always I really enjoy Gala and Songi's dialogue! They're very IC and I love the tension between them! It was adorable when Songi thanked Zalan, too, I wasn't expecting that. I know I won't find out for another couple chapters, but I really want to know how Songi will react to Gala bringing up his father! I can't wait to read more
| Barako chapter 6 . 4/6/2013
Ahhh! The two lovebirds are moving in together at last XD!
Seriously though, this was another great chapter! _ I think your portrayal of them was very in character, and I was totally shocked when Gala punched Songi in the face... but it makes sense! Anyone can only take so much bullshit before they snap, even Gala! I almost laughed out loud when Songi tripped over the metal pieces and scrambled to his feet - I could really picture the look on his face XD
I can't wait to see what happens when these two are alone together! Hopefully, now that they don't have an in-house doctor anymore, Songi will be more careful...
| Barako chapter 5 . 3/25/2013
Another great chapter, as always! This story really pulls at my emotions ;; I really like how their relationship seems to be developing, it's very realistic - a step forward, a step back... It seems very natural that Gala would be so confounded by Songi and his true intentions; Songi does do a great job of hiding himself, after all! The last few lines were quite ominous though, I wonder what you have in store! Can't wait to read more w But of course, take your time You've also done a good job with the little interactions with Zalan :3
As for the vegetarian thing, I have the V-Jump guide, and all it says is that Gala's favorite food is something that translates to "vegetarian food eaten by Buddhist monks". I don't know if that means Biron monks are fully vegetarian or not - I like to believe that it does and Songi is a rule-breaker by loving steak (XD), but it's not really conclusive either way. Either way, having them eat meat for muscle mass makes sense too, so it's all good!
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 5 . 3/25/2013
Man! Poor Gala-he's just in turmoil! I love how his entire character is in conflict. During the story he's been constantly switching moods and his emotions seem pretty unpredictable right now. He's quite emotional right now. Ever-stoic Gala is doing a good job of keeping his emotions in right now more or less, but I get the feeling that sometime soon Gala is going to have an emotional breakdown and start yelling at Songi and spouting a bunch of things he'll want to take back later.
And it's nice to Songi feeling bad-I feel sorry for Songi, don't get me wrong, but I still want Songi to suffer a bit for what he did. It's obvious that Songi is starting to feel a bit like himself again. You're doing quite well I think with balancing Songi's actual character with his emotional, not himself moments. And Gala's certainly not himself either-he almost seems like he was back when he first met Vahn and Noa.
You're doing really well with making the reader's emotions connect with what the characters are feeling. Damn you, quit making me get all emotional! You keep making me "aw!" and "poor Gala!" and "poor Songi!" and making me feel bad for them!
All in all, good chapter-full of lots of conflict, anger, and emotion. Didn't find any typos or any of the sort to point out. Keep writing! Me likey!
| sylar's sidekick chapter 4 . 3/25/2013
aaaaaaaaaaw! he cries! Songi cries! isn't it the cutest thing in the universe when the bad guy cries ? (thinks of Oliver Thredson and sylar with joy ;)) great writing hon! as always! I so shouldn't say that your ego is already big enough! but whatever! we need confidense don't we ? even if we pretent we don't sometimes ;)
| Barako chapter 4 . 2/26/2013
Ahhh! Oh my gosh! What a great chapter :D
I really enjoyed all of the interaction between Gala and Songi. I think you handled the characterization well; Songi still has some of his arrogance despite being in the middle of a breakdown, and Gala, although he cares about Songi, is still quite distrustful of him, as he should be. I also don't mind the abrupt ending, though maybe that's just because I have a habit of ending things abruptly too! xP
I wish I could offer more constructive input but I honestly can't think of more to say than I really loved it, and I think you're doing a great job, and I want to read more! :D
Oh and one minor nitpicky thing, you typo'd "recognize": "With some embarrassment, Gala realized that they probably recongnized him" Not that that did anything to hamper my enjoyment of this chapter of course just thought you might like to know XD
| Lumiere D'Amour chapter 4 . 2/25/2013
Wow. Pretty emotional chapter. Songi crying doesn't seem all OOC to me-I mean, like I said before, every character has a time when they're not their usual selves. He's got a LOT to feel sorry for, and I'm glad he feels sorry, but at the same time, you kept his personality. Part of why he's crying is because of how his actions have affected HIM, and how he has to live the consequences for the rest of his life. He cried partially I think for the other people too, who were affected by his actions, but mostly for himself.
And you did a good job in this chapter with Gala's conflicted feelings of being both worried and angry, of both wanting to help Songi and leaving Songi on his own and never seeing him again. Very good inner conflict.
About the only thing I caughte is that you misspelled Soren. "...flying away with those Soran after the fortress collapsed." The way Soren is spelled in LoL is Soren, not Soran. Other than that, you're good! I enjoyed the pacing of the story. The only thing I didn't like was the ending-it ended a bit too suddenly. It didn't really feel like a conclusion to the chapter, like a cliffhanger or just normal ending to a chapter usually does.
But good job overall, especially concerning Songi's crying while at the same time keeping his reasons for crying focused more or less on him. Look forward to next chapter!
| Barako chapter 3 . 2/16/2013
Hey! I really like this so far! Not only cause it's a Gala/Songi fic and I have been waiting like years for someone to write one, but I am really liking your interpretation of the characters. Especially the thing about Songi taking care of wounded animals when he was younger... I would never have thought of that myself, but it was so sweet and I think it really works!
Also, I think the second chapter doesn't really need the whole Hari scene in it, I think leaving it out helps the pacing, personally. After all, the focus of this fic is what happens with Gala and Songi after the game is over, not scenes we've already seen (with the exception of half-dead Songi being included in them of course).
And aarrgh how can he apologize and just leave like that! I understand it though, he's drugged, been through hell and back and totally conflicted, but ahhh the feelings ;_; Can't wait for the next chapter! 3