|Reviews for Council's Folly|
| Guest chapter 2 . 2/18
when Naruto marring both trimer and tenten he had move his family to the whiopol couny and he and his 2 wifes had woking on buit up the old couny to power and boy the guop do It when Naruto had took the mob money to do and then in the jobs the 3 had tenten had be both the wheopsna shop owner and sel it the school of ninjas for some time ,co rule too ,trimed hena of th able balcke opeds an co rule too , Naruto the morjedom of the whiopool the 5 , spy mather , saruka Naruto 3 wife and the heand of miedcl and corule too . as the filmy had took on the jobs the 4 had too.
| Kyuudurite chapter 14 . 2/20
Sasuke is fucked up, he can go suck a dick!
| AXB chapter 34 . 2/15
Keep updating please
| Guest chapter 19 . 2/11
the boy was name of his dad and temle dad and the gril was name of his mom and her too , when then the 2 had some inc to woking in wheicne was a bounyhuther inc and some time down the line Naruto had a book shop to open up and he name of his filmy 2 names on it and sole books init form the one his god father had do to some Naruto had buyout form the others he finds in the mob boss own cothelld and the up office is when he put his tema picled on his desk to his dad own both the 1 with his god father and the 2 others boys and his dad own temn to his mom own too . some art on the wall gwor to
| Guest chapter 18 . 2/11
the bouny huther inc Naruto his wife had buit up is call fox and ferret inc a bouny huthericn took out big time s calss cimleds and some time down the rond Naruto took out the domne bothers out and get the gold and silver weopns fom the 2 and money too for it was 1099.000.000 to 400.000 Naruto put into the inc too, the 2 had fox like powers he had took too and put into him .
| Guest chapter 3 . 2/11
when Naruto and temari had be in the whipool county buit a 2 home to live in a 3 floor home with cub bed rooms and some big size libly in a stay offices in too and some time the 2 had put a gusy home in and a mother in law home too , when Naruto took the mob money too had the money to buit his and temari home up and then a bounyhatuer inc kown as f and w the new inc do the took out bad guy and he let temari dothe woking with bounyhauther mine offices and he with the woking in the fled of woking , both offces in the red light arnde of the vaillge is home of the inc ,on the 2 floor nauto put in a bar and his own men cave in ,and temari a woman cave too ,the 3 florr is for woking with the bouny and mind too Naruto had a libly in with 2 pative stay in . the last one is the art room Naruto and temari had some art the 2 had find form the billets the 2 had took out and some clounds the 2 had sale to a shop in town , when ttemari had some for her and Naruto sill Naruto is sill a ninja .
| maxavier chapter 1 . 1/27
Also, this (at least these early parts) is probably drawing a lot from Political Alliances by Agent-G, unless you are him under a diff name. There are scenes that are too eerily similar that it's hard for me to right off as coincidence.
| maxavier chapter 3 . 1/27
Not kidding about the writing these early chapters being rough... I hope you revisit and do get around to restructuring, rewriting, and overall improving quality.
| Omenglotzer chapter 3 . 1/15
Originally inspired to read this story because of the unusual pairing (Hint: I really like Naruto/Ino and Temari as a character) I have to say that I was unfortunately let down to the point that I stopped reading.
But let’s start with the positive things:
1. I liked your realization of the Konoha Council! As far as I know the Village Council is fanonical and is often used to explain the poor treatment that Naruto received or even ratify fictional treatment that is even worse. Yours - however plot-driven Danzo was – actually felt like adults figuring out the best solution to a problem. Kudos.
2. The promise to put off the Hiraishin until later in the story (however plot-driven or apologetically it is).
3. Your over all style of writing. I can’t stress this enough since I am incapable of writing myself. It’s the little things I find the hardest and you managed to fulfill it at least to a respectable degree.
Now the problem is that there are just too many things that I don’t like about your story:
1. Your pacing. Where some authors take ten chapters to flesh out a story, develop their characters and deal with the diverging point (Here: the marriage between Naruto and Temari), you take one.
I have just read the first three chapters and I have absolutely no clue what Naruto really thinks about this marriage situation. Sure he was angry in the office but after that he just kinda rolled with it. That could have been two amazing chapters (including a low key C-Rank mission) in which Naruto slowly starts to wrap his head around the bombshell that was dropped on him. Give your character a little bit of space and time to analyze a problem from all sides and have him come to a conclusion that makes his point of view clear to the reader is what makes a story great. Especially since -
2. Naruto is not stupid. I hate a stupid Naruto (including Canon-Naruto). It is downright frustrating to watch someone be as clueless and awkward as the original Naruto is. Maybe Japanese people get off on that or it is regarded as cute over there but for me it is only frustrating. Painfully so.
Any story that promises a smart Naruto therefore has a chance for me. The problem ties in with your pacing: The reader can’t fathom the transition and is left hanging with the image of canon Naruto using random techniques and having random bouts of intelligence. What your story needs is a background that details how these changes came to be to make it believable. One good example of random techniques is the Fireball-Jutsu (Naruto is supposed to be primarily wind-element). What is his incentive to learn this particular technique? How does it fit with his overall fighting style? On that note: What is his fighting style (scratch canon-Naruto as this one is supposed to be smarter)?
Another good example is his use of shadow-clones: At what point did he figure the memory transfer out? Why did he split them the way he did in that 200 clones backyard stunt? Coherence question: Why didn’t he use some extra clones to learn etiquette by book?
This is the trouble of writing smart Naruto. You can’t just do shit on a whim anymore.
3. Wording. This is a problem that I have with a lot of fanfictions. Using Japanese words in place of English ones. Let’s get one thing clear: If there are words that cannot be translated and these words don’t tie in with an english sentence it’s fine. “Gaki” for example. The way we understand that word it is more personal than boy and less derogative than runt. Sentences like “Gaki come here” therefore make sense to us. What I personally really dislike is when these words replace perfectly fine english words as in the case of “This is my Gaki” for example. One could say my student, my boy, my son, etc. and it would read better. And you have used it very often with Nee-san. When Gaara says “Don’t hurt my Nee-san” to me he sounds like a five year old crybaby. Had he said “Don’t hurt my sister” he would have sounded just fine. I am not sure but I even think that Nee-san is the personal address reserved to speaking TO said sister rather than the correct term of sister like you used it.
But that might just be a personal thing and others genuinely like the way you use Japanese words.
4. Let’s dig up specific plotpoints:
A) The Konoha twelve being present when Tsunade dropped the marriage situation. Why? Why do the likes of Kiba, Sasuke or Ino need to be briefed on Naruto’s marriage? Seriously. I don’t understand at all. I could understand the Jonins (all of them) being briefed – because they have the higher awareness of a war that ended and would question what made Konoha accept the offer of peace and alliance. 12 genin (3 of them who didn’t go to school with the other 9) and none of them was overly friendly with Naruto. I could understand his team – barely – but that’s it. Like with the Kyuubi it should have been Narutos decision whom to tell and whom not to tell especially since it would have been public knowledge anyway after a few days.
B) Baki knowing Uzumaki Kushina. Why does a villager from Suna know Naruto’s mum when no one in Konoha does? I mean, the name Uzumaki is a giveaway but then again, he could have been just about any Uzumakis lost child. As far as I know both Karin and Nagato are orphaned Uzumakis. For a Suna Shinobi to make the connection first is just poor, especially when it doesn’t really matter whose Uzumaki Naruto is.
C) This is purely personal: How do tiger-striped trousers and an addidas jacket make Naruto look cooler or more professional?
D) I have not read that part (yet I guess) but do we really need to go down the “one week training and Naruto can beat everyone in his year”-lane ? I really dread that. It is however only a small concern compared to the plothole that facilitates it: being Chunin has little to do with fighting power and everything with leading qualities. How does beating a few 13 year old Genin make Naruto a suitable Chunin? Note: In canon Shikamaru was the first to be promoted and he had the fighting prowess of a clawless cat. Sure he was smart and could outwit a lot of Genin but he would have lost against Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, Rock Lee and Shino. And I’m not sure about Hinata and Kiba.
On a side note: Tsunade could have promoted Naruto just like she promoted Shikamaru in Canon.
E) Here’s my favorite: Naruto is 13, Temari is 15 or 16. How do these to marry? Can’t you just let them be engaged and then have them marry when they’re 18 and 20/21? What the hell is it with fanfic-authors and early marriages? Yes you have the power to write a perfect fluff fic of two individuals finding each other and never have a fight but that doesn’t mean that it is anymore convincing for minors to marry. It just feels wrong.
Well I guess that’s it for me up to this point. Don’t know if I will ever complete this story but I will leave another review somewhere along.
| michaeltop10 chapter 34 . 1/12
Damn. You have me super hyped now!
| Aceofspades2255 chapter 18 . 1/2
Dude...I love the portrayal of tenten as a pyro-explosive maniac. I'd marry your tenten. But temari is bae
| Akren Alumni chapter 34 . 11/11/2016
Please tell me you are continuing this u cant leave us hanging like that man i eanna see kuro get killed for her stupidity
| Bootleg Bastich chapter 34 . 10/28/2016
So... uh, yeah...
You gonna update?
| Johnathan Rawls chapter 34 . 9/12/2016
Update on the next chapter I want to know what happens in the next chapter please
| Mattroxursoul chapter 1 . 9/5/2016
That quote at the end is not a Butcher quote. He was quoting Terry Pratchett in that instance.