|Reviews for 13th Day of Christmas|
| moon eclipse shadows chapter 1 . 11/11/2013
Haha, I also like Luke a lot. I like this idea a lot. I feel like the ending could be a little different. From reading this I get the feeling that Vyse might be a little bit upset…Whereas I kind of want Vyse to be asking Luke "You realize that's a crime, right?" while like…face palming or something. Haha, I don't even know. Anyways, congrats on your first SoA fic!
| Blue Rogue Linds chapter 1 . 1/13/2013
First thing that bugged me right off the bat: You didn't clearly separate your Author's Notes from the actual content of the story. Use a bold font, a line break or get fancy with the horizontal ruler. There are many ways to do it. Not doing so makes this hard to read...
And you keep writing your dialogue all wrong. For example: "I'm not rich you know." He responded. "Can hardly afford to maintain my knives let alone a little something for you guys too." This should be written like this: "I'm not rich you know," he responded. "I can hardly afford to maintain my knives, let alone a little something for you also." Something to that effect. it's always "DIALOGUE," he/she said. See? It's all one sentence. A complete sentence with a subject, verb, etc.
And Hans blushing? I can see him admiring Luke maybe, but not to this extent. In the game, he ends up marrying Urala, a GIRL. I do dislike it when people twist canon just for the sake of shoving in some illogical slash pairing...
Good luck in the future.