|Reviews for Come Forth, Lazarus|
| Guest chapter 9 . 3/13
I liked this chapter better before you edited it and changed the titles and stuff.
| RedheadedMarina chapter 8 . 2/27
OH MY GOD!
Remember what I said about PACE, Edhla dear? Well, this chapter is an example of the careening-faster-all-the-time pace, with me holding back and thinking "no, doooon't figure this out so fast, because I'm not ready for this!"
The cell phone. My God, of course. And once he hears it ring, he knows it's been charged. (Sinking feeling). All those puzzle pieces you gently placed together in the last chapter have now become magnetic and are pulling other pieces closer until they're piling up like snow in a blizzard and we can't stop it now!
Sherlock ACTUALLY says: "it's okay, John?!"
If that's not a sign of the coming apocalypse, then I don't know what is. If SHERLOCK recognizes and appreciates the impact of his reappearance on John, then that is a warning.
Except, then you do EXACTLY that, and stop it...with compassion. Because John, who has been injured, hurt, betrayed and left behind, is the one who knows how to talk to Moran in just the right way, because he understands. And then you draw the parallel between Sherlock, who would kill anyone who hurt his friends, and Moran, who is about to hurt someone who killed his friend. The structure of this is just exquisite. And now: OOOOOMGWTFHEEELLPPP! CLIFFHANGER!
| RedheadedMarina chapter 7 . 2/26
But wait, before that.
The sentence: "Oh, Lord, I've been waylaid by God-botherers" is sheer ironic genius. I love it.
One of the things I just love about your writing is your ability to PACE, forcing the reader to go fast when they don't want to see where it's going, or inch along when they (we) really want to HURRY UP and GET THERE because HOW is it going to happen? This is a beautiful example of that slow pacing...you've got us by the wrist and you're taking us on a lovely stroll, yes we DO want to see those flowers there, NO we don't want to rush, and you make us crazy with suspense! Sherlock is sipping tea in the Cathedral; John is working through a night shift, reading bits where he can, and slowly, slowly, puzzle pieces are gently locking in place.
I love the slow, almost sad tension that you're drawing up between Molly and John...neither of them wants to go there, but it's out of their hands.
Same with the discussion between the two doctors...slow, measured, analytical, we're going to get there, and YES IT IS what you thought all along, except that it's too late now...isn't it? AND THEN YOU TELL US THAT EXACTLY THROUGH THE CONVERSATION WITH AVERY BELOW OH MY GOD IT'S SO FANTASTIC.
The scene between Sherlock and Avery is just gorgeous. You sense so much about Avery simply in his enjoyment of discussing the what-ifs of resurrection in the Lazarus story; you can see why he would be perfect in a job like this, even though he doesn't get to discuss the finer points of philosophy in scripture very often. And again, that slow, leisurely pacing, all the time in the world to think and discuss...and what an amazing question it is? Who ever thought about how difficult it might be to have someone literally come back to life?
That phone call is perfect! Sherlock, who thinks he's been having trouble deducing all this while (not eating for days will do that to most people, but I LOVE how you sprinkle his deductions about the people he meets, etc, throughout this chapter...it's unconscious for him, but he's still doing it), is back in full form, ready to viciously protect those he loves, even if he would never agree that he actually LOVES them.
That last line makes me want to stand up and scream. Do you think they'll HEAR me in time if I do? Because I'm worried bad things are going to happen here!
Amazing. Lovely. Tension on silk threads. You're so talented. :)
| texasturbocat chapter 14 . 2/14
This was a very well-written story. Do you write original fiction? You should.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 14 . 2/8
Nice wrap-up, with a combination of setting things up for the sequel, and resolution.
Your characterization and dialogue were very good, though there were perhaps some OOC moments in my mind. After each chapter, I was eager to continue reading.
Though I think there were some issues with the plot:
Lazarus felt incomplete to me. You haven't yet explained how Moran knew, why everyone arrived at Battersea with such precise timing, why Sherlock isn't investigating how Moran knew (or not showing it, if he was) or how Sherlock faked his death.
Anyway, I've definitely enjoyed the series so far.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 13 . 2/8
Really nice description of what John is feeling. The hazy uncertainty and pain come through.
[Three full days... his anger would have hurt her less]
The conversation, characterizations, and descriptions were very good.
But if it's New Years, shouldn't there be some investigations going on?
[Nearly eight o'clock... Sherlock had already hung up on her.]
This was all solid.
[Nothing... um ... he's okay ... He wanted to see you...]
This line in particular.
Nice interaction between Sherlock and the nurse.
Really poignant ending.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 12 . 2/8
I will say that I’m sympathizing with everyone here, and that their sadness and worry really come across.
[Opening lines: Molly had been told… John isn’t dead]
I think omitting these lines, and opening with “He was the same colour as a corpse” would serve you better. It doesn’t give the reader time to prepare. You could work in that Molly had been warned in a patronizing tone afterwards.
[The sensation of his skin against hers repulsed Molly.]
I think a description of her reaction might sound better, rather than just “repulsed”. Ex: …latex gloves. Molly almost flinched away, and she suppressed another wave of tears/let out a racking sob/et cetera.
[Wouldn’t it be awful if he wasn’t]
It seems odd that Molly is thinking rhetorical questions to herself. I think “It would be awful if he wasn’t” or “at the thought of John *not* being there, [reaction]” might serve you better.
[Lestrade arrives…end of scene]
Really nice. Molly is reacting realistically, as is Lestrade.
[Is this just delaying the inevitable, though?]
This sentence didn’t seem to fit for me. It kind of felt like he was turning to me, as I read it. That brings me to my main issue with this chapter: I don’t believe John is in danger. Questions like this and Molly’s before it pull me out a bit, and from “outside” I can see that if John were going to die, probability and drama indicate the time as at the scene, or soon after arriving at the hospital. Basically, every time you indicate that John might not make it within the same fic, it seems less credible to me. I think more emphasis on the character reactions, trying to make the reader empathize rather than worry, would really help this chapter.
Speaking of empathy, I really feel for both Sherlock and Molly in their conversation.
[What do you mean? Where else would I be?]
You mean they have something else to do? Oh boy, they’ll investigate Moran, how the timing ended up so precise at Battersea, perhaps even his Mysterious Assumed Ally…
[Interview/ “Thoroughly and well”]
You tease. Yeah, everyone’s IC, and the dialogue flows well, but still. *shakes fist.
[She slapped him… drew her boy close to her heart and burst into tears.]
Another editing artifact.
[Sherlock had always been a devotee of logic. Logic was supreme. Logic was what made his world work.
But he knew it was not strictly logical [to sleep at the hospital].
Some things were outside of logic. And he always hated that.]
Pet peeve time: logic and emotions are not mutually exclusive. It is logical to act on emotional impulses. I don’t think anything is “outside of logic,” and it seemed weird to me that Sherlock would, especially as a stated devotee.
[Sherlock wake up … “Right. Come on.”]
I think this would benefit from additional description of emotion.
I did like the memory though.
[Over the previous… exactly how it would play out.]
I don’t think this sentence is necessary, because of course Sherlock would.
[In his wildest imaginings, Sherlock had never even considered]
This seems out of character for Sherlock. He knows he and John have been in mortal danger together before, so I’d expect it to at least cross his mind.
[a rare spasm of pain]
Again, I would omit “rare” because I don’t think it’s necessary. Have confidence in your characterization! We know it’s rare.
[The heart monitor stalled for three seconds, then sprang back to life again]
I strongly recommend omitting this detail. It seemed contrived and without a clear purpose to me.
[for God’s sake]
I don’t think Sherlock would refer to God.
[Another precious minute… Finally, Sherlock spoke again.]
Solid, deftly capturing an extremely rare moment of guilt and uncertainty.
[The idea of me having and kind of nurturing role…]
Nice touch of humor.
[No response. The room was dead air]
I don’t think you need to say the same thing twice.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 11 . 2/8
Each of the scenes in this chapter is good individually, but they didn't really fit together for me.
The three together don't quite seem worthy of their own chapter.
[Julie had never... undisturbed]
Who is Julie, and why are you focused on him? Is he present? I am quite confused.
[Molly’s grey lips moved for a few seconds before the words finally came out. “But… but how? Who shot him? Why?]
This sentence in particular showed emotion very well, with solid description.
[I can’t actually believe I’m hearing this. Oh, my God. My God. Your own husband-]
I think that Lestrade’s tone of voice would improve this, because it changes the sentence significantly. Is he angry, accusing, processing the implications, or just flabbergasted?
[It was John’s bloodstained watch and wedding ring]
I think Lestrade might have wiped those off before handing them to Molly.
[Even at his most self-centred, Sherlock could see that his own pain and problems really had to be put in perspective just then.]
I don’t think sentences like this add to the story. They’re telling emotion, or stating character attributes, rather than demonstrating them. Here, for example, we are already in Sherlock’s PoV, and he is clearly thinking of John rather than himself, even without this sentence.
[Conversation between Sherlock and Mycroft]
I was right! Also, very nice; both brothers are in character. Quibble: you might have shown someone wishing Sherlock a pleasant flight.
[For Mrs Hudson, the news of what had happened was both purest pain and purest joy.]
I might show her getting the news, try to describe the emotions during that scene, rather than stating them (and the fact that she got the news) afterwards.
For Harriet, though, I think jumping to the (sadly predictable) result was a good move.
[Somebody, Mrs. Hudson felt …]
You've already shown that by her actions, so I don’t think this sentence is necessary.
While some stating of emotion is fine, I think the story could benefit from less of it, in this chapter in particular.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 10 . 2/6
The opening and initial conversation were solid.
[The hospital being designed roughly like a rabbit warren, it was practically a journey to the little courtyard garden.]
"being" is almost always awkward. I've also never heard "practically a journey," and it doesn't really make sense to me. Maybe "the confusing layout of the hospital made getting to the little courtyard garden difficult" ?
[His role in John's crisis being over]
Here I think you can simply omit "being."
I think "female officer" would sound better.
[God, not Sally Donovan]
I assume this is an editing artifact ?
Fine conversations, and nice ending.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 9 . 2/6
I really like your opening and descriptions.
That was a nice, dramatic reveal. However, I have many questions.
1: Why is he there in person, given his stated dislike of "legwork" ?
2: Why didn't he act before Moran shot, given Sherlock was in mortal danger?
3: If he knew this was going to happen, as his presence indicates, why not call and warn John or Lestrade? Why not call Sherlock? Why not assassinate Moran?
4: Why give the whole speech about helping Moran before killing him?
[We train up people to balance that]
5: Why mention that, if they aren't there? Why didn't they act, if they are?
I liked Sherlock's chatter with John, particularly how he started to talk about really heavy topics, before Lestrade corrected him. A nice moment of IC from both of them.
[Have you got any idea how many stupid people are out there, Lestrade? How many people *don't* know what they're doing]
I really liked this line in particular.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 8 . 2/6
Must... read... on. Very nice chapter.
I like the buildup to the confrontation: enough hints that it will happen then and there without being too obvious.
[cut the bullshit]
Seems like a strong expletive for Lestrade. Maybe crap or just bull?
And on to the important part.
[obviously you had a different war experience to mine.]
I like that you established Moran's motivations. However, "different to," while technically correct in British English, sounds very strange to me. I think different from would work better.
I like the countdown (consistent with Moran's borderline melodramatic nature) and John's entirely reasonable reaction to it.
[there was no two...]
I expected this to be followed by "a shot rang out, and Moran fell, dead." I'm somewhat confused about why Sherlock decided to come unarmed, if he's correctly guessed the location.
The conversation between John and Moran was fine, though I think you could remove the specific anecdote about John's arm and the woman calling him a murderer, skipping directly from "And when you came home, nobody wanted to hear about it." to "and then one day you met this...guy... ..."
[And Hitler loved his dogs]
This seemed awkward to me. I think Sherlock would say "Fallacy of Association."
[boring little conversation on the philosophy of war]
I think Sherlock is right here. I don't really see what Moran asking how many people John has killed adds to the conversation.
[Ah, Mr. Cliffhanger, my old nemesis, we meet again.]
Regardless of my typical distaste, this was one of the best I've seen. You haven't pulled emotional punches before, and there is no guaranteed next season, so I genuinely believe you could kill John.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 7 . 2/5
This chapter definitely makes me want to continue reading.
[Working professionals-not blood relations-that one’s got four sisters-that one speaks Portuguese-that one’s ridden a horse in the last three days…]
While I do like that you consistently show Sherlock knowing these kinds of things, I think you could benefit by toning it down a tad, and explaining how he knows more frequently. Here, for example, Sherlock might be able to tell by their postures relative to each other that they aren’t blood relations, by the tiniest hint of an accent that the one who had spoken knows Portuguese, and by the smell of a horse that the third had ridden one recently, but the four sisters detail, when he just got up (and was just looking at a bright light) seemed implausible.
[Someone gave us a call]
I definitely think it was Mycroft now.
[and at least three Glee reruns.]
What did she do to him to deserve that?
I’m joking, of course, they are adorable as usual.
The conversation between John and Dhaval was good, and I liked John’s shaking and fumbling. I think it would have benefitted if you had described his tone of voice, though.
I liked Sherlock’s threat; it seems perfectly in character to me.
I’m intrigued about Moran’s motivations. He doesn’t just want Sherlock dead, clearly…
But I’m more curious about how he got the information. He didn’t just know Sherlock was alive, he tracked him down to a different country. So he likely has a powerful ally…
So I’m quite curious and eager to read on and find out.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 6 . 2/4
I really like the first line. The wry humor fits John, and it neatly establishes the scene.
I've noticed you rarely describe the appearance of people we don't see in canon, such as the other doc. It isn't a major issue, though.
[Wanted to strangle his daughter, though.]
It wasn't entirely clear whether this referred to Dr. Verma or Neil Laursen.
Nice detailing with Sherlock on the street. The cold comes through very well.
Hmm. Who would write "Psalms 142:4"? Clearly it's someone with very up-to-date info on Sherlock. Moran maybe, as a taunt? That doesn't really make sense; if Moran knew that much, he'd act on it, and Sherlock would wake up captured or not at all. Then again, he has seemed to be playing... Maybe Mycroft? I wouldn't be surprised if he was aware of the whole thing, and it could be an implicit offer of help.
Nice details about Molly being unable to find shoes and making her colleagues promise to keep John away from fall cases.
"Inconsistent to" doesn't seem like something Molly would say; she's usually well-spoken, albeit nervous.
Still there.] This struck me as odd.
Again, I was impressed with how you wrote Molly.
| Faulty Logic chapter 5 . 2/3
One thing I haven't touched on before is how well you sustain interest: at the end of your chapters, I've always ended up immediately wanting to read the next one.
I liked Sherlock's information flood, though I've noticed you aren't explaining how he knew those things, here as well as in other places. I think the story might benefit from a little more of that, for those case-oriented readers.
[God he really needed a coffee]
I laughed, literally, out loud. Nitpick: he might have picked someones pockets, though.
[Without a tip and disappointed]
Nice. A lot of fics portray Sherlock as randomly kind, and I'm really glad you avoided that pitfall.
[Definitely male handwriting]
I found it odd that Sherlock wouldn't compare the handwriting to the previous mysterious letter he had received. Even if you don't want to definitively establish it as the same or different, you could have Sherlock be unsure.
[To her way of thinking ... form]
[The last person he expected]
[He had little to no respect for her police work]
These all struck me as "telling," as opposed to some other things you showed really well, like John's physical reactions to Sherlock's name.
I might use "John knew" instead of "to her way of thinking," have John do a minor physical or mental double take when seeing Donovan, and quickly go through rejected names in thought for why he addressed her by her surname, or leave it as implication.
Oh you tease :)
That was well handled; it makes sense that John would be extremely reluctant on emotional level to believe her, because he's already reached acceptance.
In their conversation after Donovan left, I must say you've portrayed Molly beautifully. Her guilt, worry, and sadness all come through clearly in few words. Kudos.
| Faulty L0gic chapter 5 . 1/25
Generally an excellent chapter, moving plots forward and establishing characters.
I really like the opening, and subsequent characterization of Donovan. Lestrade came through as well.
Nice acknowledgement that John couldn’t possibly have done it, and interesting that they think he had a nervous breakdown. I don’t recall that in After the Fall, though I may be misremembering.
Cute scene with the cats, and excellent tone shift with the arrival of Moran. I wonder if he really did ask around at the hospital, and what orders he has from the late Moriarty.
I like that Lestrade always has a favor to call in.
I don’t like the explanation for their grudge, though it was hilarious. It doesn’t seem like that would have happened, if Sherlock was so celibate.
And now I wonder what Donovan will do with the news, how Lestrade (and subsequently John will react if they find out, and what this will mean for Moran’s orders.