Reviews for Come Forth, Lazarus
Guest chapter 18 . 12/11/2014
Wonderful story. The messages and references are very cleverly written. I find them interesting despite never having read the Bible before. I also find your take on Sebastian Moran quite refreshing, though it's a sympathetic and perhaps overtly idealistic portrayal rarely found in stories that he does show up.
I find every one of the cast in character, but something about them just...bugs me. Too many unresolved matters, probably. Going for the sequel now. Thank you for writing this.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 3 . 10/1/2014
Aww, Sherlock's paranoia strikes. Though, considering the circumstances, well founded paranoia. And a lovely place to start the chapter as well. Links in quite nicely to the previous one, and leads into something progressive as well.

You also bring in the descriptions nicely: fits the character, the context, and gives more detail as well. Not much in the way of metaphors, but Sherlock doesn't seem to be the sort. :D Particularly with this line: {Smelled envelope}.

{The handwriting was the same inside the envelope and out} - inside the envelope as in on the inside, or on the letter that was tucked inside? That part confused me a little.

{but with latent rage issues} - lol, quiet astute Sherlock. The language of that phrase seems more colloquial than the rest of that paragraph.

An interesting scene between John and Molly to switch to. More mail wonders - a nice link between the two. And {into that pinched smile that she secretly hated} - rare to see the secretly hated bits in fics. :D A lovely little bit of detail.

Molly's translation of the situation is gorgeous as well. The reasoning that seems so sound once it's said out loud, but that someone grieving/involved like John was...well, he couldn't see it. And the way that realisation comes to him is beautifully written as well. A mathematical equation is a really nice analogy to use as well.

And a nice little humour point to end on. Kittens indeed.

And we return to Sherlock and Mycroft . A cute little family scene between the pair that can't stay that way because Sherlock is too busy uncovering mysteries. And things link together astoundingly fast after that little comment about Molly. The way you illustrate that is simply beautiful, particularly the final, sure, note the chapter finishes on.
Blex Luthor chapter 3 . 9/13/2014
The opening scene, with Sherlock deducing away at the letter, was interesting, but I'm not sure if I liked it. On the one hand your writing and descriptions are great as ever ("turquoise cicada screaming frantically") and we get to take a peak into the Sherlock's mind as he obsesses about a mystery, both of which worked in its favor. On the other a lot of the is part of the story felt a little too...comical ("It smelled envelope"). Usually you're very good at weaving brevity and gravity, but here the humor is a little too absurd and parodic and it feels weird given the context and the tone of the rest of the chapter.

I really like "The Suffering of John." I mean, for one it seems like some awesome, if less than subtle, foreshadowing and for another it feels doubly poignant considering the unusual Christmas card John got that I can't help but assume is related to Sherlock's letter.

The main thing that worked against this chapter is how long it takes Sherlock to piece it all together. He's supposed to be this supergenius, but it takes him the length of this chapter (which has to be at least a couple of hours since he gets Mycroft's help on it) to figure what I thought was something pretty obvious. I mean, Lazarus is obviously him, it's written in the Book of JOHN, and Molly is a well known nickname for people named Mary. The only one I didn't get was Martha, but that's just because I didn't know Mrs. Hudson's first name, but Sherlock did and I was able to approximate that this is where we were heading without that. It's not so much that it took all chapter, if this was any number of other characters that wouldn't bother me at all, but it's that it took all chapter for Sherlock freakin' Holmes to figure it out. That mixed with some of the comically obvious deductions earlier in the chapter ("Standard British Air...or a supermarket.") made it feel like his famed mind was sort of an informed ability and it took me out of the story a bit.

All in all though not a bad chapter and it still does some heavy lifting to set up the rest of the action.

"But Christmas that makes you...": I get what you're trying to say here, that Afghanistan is more on his mind around Christmas, but the words you're using here don't really make sense. I think it's mostly just the "that" after Christmas.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 2 . 9/9/2014
Sorry for taking so long. :D Suddenly got called up for reserving for the QL.

A *squee* for the first scene. Lestrade must have been surprised to see two people who normally weren't so affectionate in public, but it does a few things quite nicely.

"as if being happy was something he should be ashamed of" - interesting phrase there. :D Though it just shows how awkward John was about the romance in the prequel.

I really like the tone of the conversation. It shifts quite a bit, but that's what gives it that natural flow, like a real conversation as opposed to something scripted. I had a bit of trouble following the places, but that's either fandom blindness or geography blindness talking there. :D

Aww, grumpy cat to lighten the suddenly sombre mood. And Sherlock becomes a ghost voice - and I find it quite ironic that we were taught the exact opposite of that today. But I guess there's a huge difference between a detective and a pallative care doctor in that sense.

I like how you reveal enough about the case to keep a fandom blind person like myself still in the loop. Not quite enough to be satisfied, but I'm not the target audience and I expect someone who is familiar will be familiar enough to fill in the gaps themselves. I do like the parts you've decided to focus on though, particularly the distinction between the mute of not talking, and the one of not making a sound at all.

"...she was seven" - I'm reading that with a capital, but you might have meant differently. I see it as a separate sentance to the one in ellipses though.

Interesting way to tell about Molly's pregnancy too. :D Took me a bit to catch on...but then again, I've never actually seen anyone in real life tell me they're pregnant. And a cute scene to end on as well. My one concern with this chapter is that it doesn't seem to connect at all to the first chapter. Knowing you, the connection will be clear soon enough, but if I was a new reader reading out of interest, I'd prefer to see a more concrete link between chapters - or at least something to suggest you're transferring between character POVs.
Blex Luthor chapter 2 . 9/8/2014
I absolutely loved how you started this chapter, Lestrade is my favorite part of the chapter and that line about arresting John and Molly is pure gold. However, as much I like how you start things off, I wasn't wild about what immediately followed. It's nothing against your writing or the story, but a lot of it is just a little too saccharine for my taste.

Things pick up for me when they start taking about the kidnapping ("It's about Claudette Bruhl."). I want to special note here that although this part of the chapter makes heavy reference to important canon events, you don't make it impenetrable to someone who's fandom blind. I've always felt that any story, fanfiction or original, should be able to stand on its and you do a great job of giving the reader relevant information without it feeling like an inorganic info dump ("But I thought the kidnapper looked like Sherlock").

This part of the chapter also had one of it's most evocative as well, "Mute children don't scream." Not only the words used but how you built up to it made this sentence feel utterly chilling. And it really let's the audience tap into the horror John went through hearing her screams.

I'm also really like how John is so lovingly snarky to Molly ("Well, I do. You have a bucket to throw up in.").

This is pretty subjective, but I felt like this chapter (especially compared to the one before) was moved more by character dialogue rather than your narration and the narration was mostly reserved for saying what people are doing and I'm not sure I like it. Don't get me wrong, it works fine here, but I really like your narration style (the descriptions in the last chapter alone were a treat) and I'd love to see you flaunting it a little more.

All in all a solid chapter.
Blex Luthor chapter 1 . 9/2/2014
One thing I've noticed about this series is it doesn't feel like a book or a short story or anything like that. I wish I could put it into words better, but the way you've structured it and how you're delivering the story makes it feel more like a TV show. For instance, the line break between Sherlock reading the address on the letter and his reaction to is placed, and from a delivery point of view, serves the same function as a commercial break in a TV show. And I mean all that as a good thing. It gives the story a unique feel and I think it compliments the story well (again I go to the line break which gives the audience a quick second to breathe and think about what might be going on the same as a commercial break would).

You've definitely matured as a writer since After the Fall (which is saying something because that was already pretty fantastic). So, as is to be expected, great writing abounds in this chapter but I think my favorite was the paragraph that contemplates captivity ("The vistas once...a closed door"). Wonderfully descriptive and through that it paints Sherlock's new, caged life and I loved every word of it.

I also thought the Bible verse at the end was pretty noteworthy. For one thing I just plain love title drops and you do here. But more importantly the verse strikes a wonderful balance between saying things that are extremely meaningful to both the reader and Sherlock ("And he that was dead came forth") and also cryptic enough to pique our curiosity like nothing else will. If your writing wasn't enough to make someone want to read more (and it certainly should be) then this surely would.

"Qu'uran": I'm not entirely sure about this because it can be transliterated a lot of different ways, but I think you misspelled that. Like I said, lots of ways to transliterate it, but I usually see Koran, Quran, and Q'uran, but never with a "u" on both sides of the apostrophe.
reminiscent-afterthought chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
Hmm...interesting doesn't quite do it justice, but I'll start from there. :D Certainly not what I expected, but a lot of time has passed. And Australia huh. Didn't know cicadas had such an impression here; I guess that's part of the taken for granted. And Sherlock's fascination with them is interesting to see; while it's not a case, he seems more in his element here than in After the Fall, where he was more restricted. And the way he looks at the cicadas is really fascinating as well, particularly this sentence I think (in a more general sense): "a humble creature could still be a complex one".

Somehow, the writing seems a little more abstract than what I was used to in After the fall. I imagine it's because of the subject matter of that first scene; you return to a more concrete approach once the knock on the door interrupts.

Interesting that a post van had to bring an ordinary letter and knock on the door for it. No post-box or just left on the carpet? I thought posties only knocked and it only came by van if it was a package that wouldn't fit into the post box or registered mail. Also, why the divider after the address? I think the two scenes could flow into each other without that.

"pulled out his phone and entered the reference into Google" - lol, a tech-savviness that is suddenly more potent because of the situation. :D And you link the title very nicely to the end, and leave me equally mystified. I'm sure I'll find out the reference in due time. It makes for a really...geeze, I still haven't found a better word than interesting, beginning.
RedheadedMarina chapter 15 . 8/4/2014
So as I started this chapter, my mind was kind of screaming "THIS HAS HAPPENED AND NOW PEOPLE KNOW" and I was racing through the words to find out what was going to happen next, preferably as quickly as possible. You change the game again on me, and allow the characters to sit in silence. The description of the "anemic" saplings, wire cages, and the nurse on her phone gives SO MUCH to the scene, Edhla, I love how you do that. The trees are sick, they don't get enough nourishment, they're trying their best. They're confined to a certain place, they won't get out. Life is going on all around them, the nurse doesn't even notice them. (That's one of the toughest things about being in a hospital, I think. Whether patient or family member (or doctor, or nurse), there is always LIFE going on around you, unaware of you. You're afraid and sick, and people are laughing as they make lunch plans. You're overjoyed because someone is doing well, and you catch the red eyes of someone else who did not have the same luck.)

Sorry for the sort-of tangent, but see how it took me a whole paragraph to describe that? You do it in two sentences. They're alone. Nobody else understands how each of them feel, and neither of them can understand the other. Sherlock and Lestrade, two people who always seem to know what to say (or what has to be said), now have no idea. Whew.

I'm trying to think of another way to say "wow, I did NOT expect that next thing to happen". Would initials be best? A catchy acronym? Because I keep saying it, because I keep getting surprised. IDNET. And yet, it still comes across as poignant, and futile, like punching a pillow.

And oh, GOD, Molly.

The normalcy of Lestrade's conversation with Melissa, is great. I thought it especially lovely when Lestrade tells her about Sherlock, and her first question is "are you okay, Greg?" He has needed someone to ask him that for so long! Such a nice touch that gives a great insight into who she is as a person.

Aw, the cats. I needed to think about them for a minute. And yes, you spend thousands on cat toys, and then they spend hours with a paperclip, or straw wrapper, or bottle cap. Or wrapping paper. Which reminds me it's Christmas right now, and oh GOD, Molly. Reminding me how self-sufficient she is just underlines the horribleness of what's coming.

"swallowed down something that felt like a razor blade"-incredible line.

I guess the one thing Sherlock CAN "feel the way normal people do" is pain. Perhaps that was best for him all along. And to stand alone for awhile. Sherlock has always had people around him (or not) at HIS demand, and they've always put up with it because of what Sherlock could give back to them. But not this time; now Sherlock has taken something from his friends that they'll never be able to get back, and Sherlock knows it. In this last scene, he reminds me of a child that always throws tantrums, or tells his parents that he hates them, but knowing in his heart that they will always love him and forgive him. Sherlock has lost that security, and it's devastating.

For as much as Sherlock complained that people should be able to get along without him, or figure things out without him, or just stop bothering him, now he's the one left to observe and wonder and wait for someone to give him information. Poignant.

Just amazing, Edhla, as always.
RedheadedMarina chapter 14 . 7/31/2014
HEEEEYYOOWWWW let's just plunge right in, shall we? Or maybe not. This doesn't look or sound good at all, I (with no medical experience) am afraid, bigtime.

"now at gunpoint and in check"-what a great line!

And within the first, say, 20 lines, you've shocked the hell out of me ONCE AGAIN. Look who's here! I never expected to see this person! Why not? Well, I don't know, except they ALWAYS surprise me when they show up. I love how, even in writing, you've captured the essence of who Mycroft is and how he lives: incredibly, unavoidably THERE when he must be, and melt-in-the-shadows NOT when he has to be.

Of course this is what Sherlock considers to be light discussion-romantic developments in two of his closest friends. What could, in Sherlock's mind, be more light and inconsequential? The quick shift into the cicadas is deft and funny at the same time.

Can I say I just love how your expertise has me completely convinced that I KNOW these people. Like, they are my friends and we understand each other.

The negotiation and gentle-yet-relentless cajoling between Mycroft and Moran is exquisitely written. He gains my own trust completely.

Okay, and then that happens. Ouch. Didn't see that coming. Shouldn't I have, since they are my friends and we understand each other? Not with Edhla at the helm, because that's not how she rolls, people. This is suspense and things spin on a dime.

"the full horror of the question..." I admit to being a Big Cheater and looking at your story list right after reading that line, because I NEEDED to KNOW if...well, IF. Of course, I don't feel any better!

As usual, no spelling or grammar issues that I can see. As usual, the arc of the story-within-a-chapter is well constructed and feels effortless. Beautiful job. I have a long ways to go to catch up all my reviews, but it's going to be SO much fun!
clicketykeys chapter 1 . 7/26/2014
The detail here is just great, and the characterization is, as always, perfect. His interest in cicadas parallels nicely with the canon of him keeping bees. You do a great job of not just describing, but describing **through Sherlock's eyes**. Great work.

I hope we're about to go into a flashback, because I really want to know what happened after Molly realized they were gone. I don't feel like she's the type to just sit idly by and go "oh well I guess that's that." Maybe at one point she would have, but darnit, she's a protagonist now, and protagonists don't sit around doing nothing. ;D
The Real F'n Scorp chapter 5 . 5/27/2014
Hi there! ! Sorry this is much later than I intended. My day was wonky. Anyway, on with the review!

And the snotty witch deserves this: ((The news had hit Detective Sergeant Sally Donovan like an express train.)). She made an assumption and judged Sherlock as everybody was judging him. Just as Moriarty wanted him to be judged essentially.

This was bittersweet: ((There were some places in John's heart that she couldn't touch, even yet. And she had no right to touch them, since she'd helped hurt him in the first place.)) and showcased just how much helping Sherlock has eaten away at the conscience of Molly. She knows that she's guilty of what hurt John, she knows he's going to be furious when he finds out, but there is no other choice considering that it was to protect John and Mrs. Hudson in the first place.

Really like that you showcase the detective's mind at work here: ((And I know from your rings that you got married in Queensland in 1957 or 1958.)). It really makes me think about the show and how Sherlock goes into that computer-like state where he processes information and draws his conclusions or forms his opinions. He's being Sherlock on the plane, all the while as he's under the guise of Christian. This works to illustrate how Sherlock cannot be anything but himself. He's always the detective, always looking for a puzzle or a case to solve. He needs that thrill, that spurt of exhilaration in order to feel alive.

Just like a cat here: ((He turned his back on the newcomer with scorn and washed his face with one paw, as if the white kitten didn't exist.)). Really thought that the way you interjected some humor and light into the piece worked to alleviate the pall cast by the somber scene at the cemetery. I also loved the hierarchical aspect you showcase via the cat bromance. It's Mycroft and Sherlock, and even Sherlock and John. It's a testament to,the relationship between brothers and how you can only push one sibling so far before they swat you in the head with a paw.

Oho, this spells TROUBLE here: (("Captain Moran,")). Definitely setting up that Sherlock has a reason to be concerned about the safety and well being of Mrs. Hudson, John and Mary. Moran is a potentially lethal fellow that can do many vile things while waiting for Sherlock to come out of hiding. Having him appear at the end, and near Christmas really puts a dark cloud over this being a Merry Christmas.

Just a minor suggestion(s):

Minor edit here: ((since first class was wasn't ideal))-just delete the (was).

Another minor edit here: ((rather than coming in in person.))- repetitive word.

You definitely ended this on a cliffhanger! Can't wait to see what happens next!
The Real F'n Scorp chapter 4 . 5/18/2014
Hi there! Back again!

Oh, this was a really great chapter that I think balances two sides against each other perfectly: light and dark. On one hand you have Molly and John doing something light and ordinary, shopping for a Christmas present to give Mrs. Hudson and the other you have Sherlock plotting out how he is going to get to the people he cares about in order to keep them safe from the threat hanging over them. I also love the contrasting images between the cats and the spider. Cats typically represent patience and independence, wisdom and courage, curiosity and a connection with the self. Spiders can also represent much of the same thing along with things like patience, feminine energy, and a weaver of fate and the darker aspects of the personality. Having Sherlock in possession of a funnel web shows that he’s in a darker place than John at time and works to showcase the fear and concern he’s feeling about this message he received.

I thought that this worked to showcase John at his finest: ((Mrs Hudson wanted - no, needed - a cat, and as far as John was concerned, if Mrs Hudson wanted or needed a cat, she would have one.)). There is no if’s, and’s, or but’s in this internal rationalization. John has decided that Mrs. Hudson needs something and come hell or high water, she’s going to get it. Period.

Oh, this here: (("Remember," John said tolerantly once Molly was warm and nestled in the back of the cab. "Remember that we talked about this."/"Yes."/"We're getting a kitten for Mrs Hudson."/"Yes."/"Not ourselves."/))"No, not ourselves.")) so reminds me of a future conversation I will be having with whomever I might end up with (if I end up with anybody, of course :p). I already have this conversation with one of my good male friends so it’s wonderfully connective for me to see John and Molly having this exact same type of conversation. It immerses me more in their lives and connects me even more fully with them.

Go Molly! Loved this: ((Molly's new husband was sometimes grumpy and inclined to nag and fuss, but she had a secret weapon up her sleeve. She demonstrated it now by snuggling into John's side.))! It showcases how we women do have wiles that we will use to cajole our lovers out of bad moods (or just to get our own way about a particular

Exactly right Molly: (("Yes. But… kittens.")). When there are kittens involved, morning sickness ceases to matter. The world can be crashing down around you, the house on fire, or hell, an Apocalypse happening… kittens involved? Screw it. The humor though really works here again to counter the seriousness of the scene with Mycroft and Sherlock.

Oh, these Holmes men: ((Like his little brother, he wasn't big on knocking or privacy.)). What’s fascinating to me is that Sherlock and Mycroft are essentially so much alike that it’s almost hilarious. Sure, they have subtle differences and mannerisms, but there is a whole lot about them that is very similar.

Now this: (("I'm experimenting with whether Funnel-Web spiders are able to develop Pavlovian responses to reward-and-punishment.")) absolutely does NOT surprise me given Sherlock’s personality. I can totally see him adopting a dangerous predator and trying to apply Pavlov’s theory of Classical conditioning to it. It works to showcase how Sherlock has to be doing something scientific, he has to apply himself, challenge himself in some fashion, or else he’s not happy. He’s bored at this moment, and boredom we’ve found with Sherlock Holmes is a dangerous place for him to be. Considering you end the chapter with him researching airfares, one can say that boredom combined with fear and concern (which Sherlock would not admit feeling, of course) has driven him into becoming reckless.

Now, this response here: (("Are they?" Mycroft sounded interested. Cicadas were a non-event, so far as he was concerned, but there was something macabre about spiders that appealed to him.)) from Mycroft did take me by surprise until I really examined just why this might have interested him. Mycroft is like Sherlock in that he loves science and deductive reasoning and seeing why things work and all. But more importantly, Mycroft is also a man who likes to be able to discover new ways for ‘things’ to be accomplished or done. Being able to train a dangerous predator to kill on command is something I can see Mycroft finding fascinating. It would open doors in his line of work, which while it is rather ‘understated’, we get the hint that Mycroft’s job requires him to handle delicate matters by very specific and ‘deadly’ means.

Hi, there John Watson: ((Oh, bloody bugger shit, John thought. I want one!)), welcome to the ‘you have been officially boned’ club! Again, the contrasting elements between what is going on in John’s life to what is going on in Sherlock’s really works to showcase how life is going on for John, but has stagnated for Sherlock. John has gotten married, he’s having a baby, and he’s adopting a kitten… Sherlock is finding bugs to do experiments upon just to be able to entertain himself. He’s a virtual prisoner in his brother’s compound (not house, compound), not allowed to go out or interact with people (not that Sherlock is overly concerned with that, of course).

Excellent way to close the chapter off: (("I love you, too. Please, for God's sake, don't ask me for a puppy."/Molly snuggled back down into John's side.)). Love the humor and love the way that we get a suggestion that John is about to find himself boned yet again when someone shows up with a litter of puppies needing a home!

Just a small pointer:

((qualified an demanding job.))- I think (an) is supposed to be and?

In all, this was a great chapter and I can’t wait to see what happens if, and when Mycroft figures out what Sherlock is about, how John will react to Sherlock’s return, how Sherlock will handle trying to protect his friends from the threat looming over him. Great job as always!
The Real F'n Scorp chapter 3 . 5/13/2014
Hi there! I’m back for what I am sure is gonna be a fabulous chapter! Heh

Ah, the greatest detective makes an obvious deduction here: ((A threat. This was a threat. The name Sherlock Holmes on the envelope made that abundantly clear.)). Opening with this line though reminds the reader of what is going on though. While life is going on as normal as can be for Lestrade and Molly and John, the world has just got turned upside down yet again for Sherlock. His old life is intruding upon his ‘new’ life, disrupting it and making a threat against the people who
mean the most to him (without them being aware of it).

Okay, this could be a difference in meanings and all, but I thought this line: ((so distracted that he nearly barked his shins on the edge of the chair.)) was really great. I loved the idea of the chair being like a rabid and snarling dog that could reach out and sink its teeth into Sherlock’s shin bones. It’s wonderfully evocative and powerful and gives life to an inanimate object that nobody would think to give life and a voice to.

Your entire deductive sequence starting with: ((The handwriting was the same inside….)) is just fabulous. I really saw the manner and method that Sherlock uses when he’s investigating a clue and trying to build who the suspect is in his head. It’s absolutely amazing and so fitting with Sherlock’s character.

Poor John: ((His face twitched briefly into that pinched smile that she secretly hated - she saw so much pain in it.)). I loved the section with Molly and John because it shows how much Molly knows and understands John, to a point that she knows by the little inflections and changes in his face what he’s thinking and feeling. I also like that you continue to show how coming home from war is not as easy as one might think it is. There’s no coming home from a nightmare, there’s just coping with the nightmare as best as you can and hoping that it doesn’t destroy you in the process.

Molly has it exactly right here: ((…not once occurred to John that he had attempted to do something more noble and self-sacrificing than he was given credit for.)). John isn’t seeing the entire picture, he isn’t capable of rationalizing out how his decision to go for the kid’s radio and not the kid (because he knew the kid was dead already) was looking at the big picture of the other lives that could be caught in this crossfire and hailstorm. John views how his actions in the moment operate to determine that moment, and his belief is that his decision to go for that radio makes him more of a coward than it does the hero that the military honored him as. It’s a great way to showcase the mentality of John and give us an idea about how tortured and damaged a man he really is beneath it all.

Ha, love that you end the scene with this: (("It's the fifteenth. It's kitten day.")). It takes the tension off and is so wonderfully human and realistic given the situation. It’s exactly how I’d respond, try to take the pressure off, make John laugh; push the darkness back to the back of his mind where it’ll live for one more day.

Again, the deductive level of Sherlock’s deductive processing was fascinating and so in-sync with who he is I believe. This dialogue here: (("Who do we know by the name of Mary?"/"I suspect, but don't know for certain, that Molly Hooper's birth name might be Mary. It's a nickname among… certain types. Now for God's sake…")) just wonderfully conveys how he is working to figure out who the person is that sent him this message, what it is that they are saying, and who they are talking about. That he chooses to keep Mycroft in the dark is woefully Sherlock being a bit secretive, but it works because it will create conflict in the future when Mycroft figures out what is going on.

This: ((Johannes-Passion./The Passion of John./The Suffering of John./Molly. Mrs Hudson. John.)) is a fabulous ending! LOVED how he draws it all together and realizes just who is in the line of danger. Wonderful end lines!

I thought this was a great chapter that does a great job in showing us how the mind of Sherlock actually works. We see him process the clues (which a normal person would struggle with considering how limited the clues are at this point) and form a profile and reach a conclusion that tells him the answer that the person wants him to reach. It was wonderfully realistic and really drove home just how dangerous a situation that John, Mary and Mrs. Hudson are unknowingly in. Fantastic job!
Crow's Talon chapter 4 . 5/6/2014
The conversation between John and Molly in the beginning about getting kittens for Mrs. Hudson was great, especially how John warned Molly about getting too sentimental about the kittens because they grow up and get expensive. It was a very sweet conversation, and it's very sweet of them to buy Mrs. Hudson kittens. The bit where John encounters the cabbie was very humorous, and I felt very sorry for John by the end of it. He's had a hard time recently. The dialogue between Molly and John is very in-character and very well-written - there's a lot of love in their relationship, even though they argue sometimes.

As for Sherlock, his plotline is preceding nicely - I thought the bit with the Sydney Funnel-Web spider was both witty and in-character, especially how Sherlock tries to train it and Mycroft tells him flatly to make sure that it doesn't get loose where it can harm people. Their interaction in this chapter was great. Given that Sherlock is looking up flight iternaries, I wonder what he's up to - I wouldn't be surprised if he wants to go back to England, probably to see John and Molly again.

I really loved Mycroft saying "Why is there a live specimen of one of the world's most dangerous spiders in our bathroom?" That is just the kind of thing I can imagine Mycroft telling his brother, and it really made me laugh.

And I love how John absolutely melts at the sight of the kittens - the contrast between his thoughts and what he says was a real highlight of the chapter, and I love the name they chose for their own kitten, Casper. He's an adorable addition to their family, and I hope he does get along with Toby.

"Please, for God's sake, don't ask me for a puppy." - That was my favorite moment in the chapter. I can just hear John saying that.
The Real F'n Scorp chapter 2 . 4/27/2014
Hi there! First things, I loved the dialogue going on throughout this whole piece. The different voices and the way the characters all played against each other was just brilliantly done and really set a different vibe throughout the piece. Love that it starts off comical and with playful bantering, shifts into a somber note with the introduction of Claudette remembering who her kidnapper is, and shifts into a lighthearted and moderately more somber snark when John is attending his pregnant wife.

I seriously chuckled out loud when I read this line: (("Dr. and Mrs. Watson, I'm arresting you on charges of nauseating public displays of affection.")). I can so see this as being something Lestrade would do (hell, I'd do it lol). It really plays up how this is a newly married couple that is quite captivated still by the wonderful emotions enveloping them from being in love and newly married.

Again, the dialogue. These two lines: (("Yesterday afternoon."/"And you're at work?")) are just great examples of how awesome you are at creating wonderful pieces of dialogue that are little sprigs of spring inside the winter. I am envious because I don't think I am half as good at creating such distinctly unique voices as you.

I just loved these two lines: (("Why Bath?"/"Why not Bath?")). The clear good natured humor in them was a fresh breath of air and just shows the friendship between the two.

I thought this was a nice line: ((...Melissa had first met Hayley - now days past her seventeenth birthday and beginning to lose her coltish teenagehood - they had bonded instantly over the fact that they had matching handbags.)) that shows how Greg's life has changed in the past year and how things are working out with his girlfriend and daughter. That the two have managed to bond over (matching handbags) is decidedly feminine and give us an indication as to the relationship between the two females ( shipping trips, spa days, able to converse about things that dear ole dad doesn't need to know about and which mom would blow a gasket about.).

Aye, this: ((Mercury poisoning. A horrible way for a child to die.)) is indeed a hard way of dying and no child should suffer it. That Moriarty so decided that these two children needed to suffer such a horrific experience in his quest to punish Sherlock and bring him to his knees reminds us of the evil in the world and how no matter how safe we think we are, we aren't. I also am glad that it finally comes around that Claudette remembers her attacker and that it is someone who Lestrade believes they found in ATF who had his eyes gouged out. It connects me to that story and makes me remember those events and what all has happened to lead up to this moment.

Again, the dialogue. This: ((Lestrade's jaw dropped. "Christ. Five? You're not going along with that, are you?")) is just a great way of rendering Lestrade and showing him in the constructs of being a 40-something divorcee who is aghast at the idea if anybody wanting five kids.

Oh, John, you wonderful fictional man you. This:(("At the risk of making this all about me, you know I feel like a real bastard about this," he said.)) was sweet without being sugary sweet and gagging. I thought it showed the sort of man John is, how he regrets Molly being so ill, and that he would do whatever he could to take away her misery. Just a heartwarming line that returns the piece to its softer nature.

Fabulous closing line here: (("We've got a Christmas tree to put up. Well, I do. You have a bucket to throw up in.")). You opened with humor and closed on it. I think that was a fabulous way to bring this chapter full circle. Love the way John teases his wife about her condition, even though you know he is worried and like a father goose monitoring every moment.

In all this was a fabulous chapter and I can't wait to read more! Fantastic job!
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